Deadly Nightshade Posted February 9, 2003 Report Share Posted February 9, 2003 I lay in shambles on the floor all is quite the son of a bitch got me...why did I say so long I should have got out when I had the chance but he got me and left but they will find him the one who got me I hope they punish him good I hope they get him....how could I rest with the one who killed me still about the one...I thought he loved me... hes the one who had a night with my mother shes the one who carried me in her whom...gave birth to me she left and hes the one who took care of me my father I thought he loved me... I guess I was wrong... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted February 12, 2003 Report Share Posted February 12, 2003 I think there are some spelling mistakes that are messing with my head.. Or Im just confused easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 12, 2003 Report Share Posted February 12, 2003 this is a great first draft. there are a few spelling mistakes, and it could maybe use a couple of commas (although the rushing feeling without them carries the reader through). quickly noted: say==stay, hes == he's, whom==womb, The expression and intensity shine through. It's important to get the poem out on paper first, then start looking at it for mistakes. Don't want your Inner Critic to destroy the Creative Child. Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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