Tasslehoff Posted January 25, 2003 Report Share Posted January 25, 2003 Laying down; hiding under the falling leaves, The memories hit me full on; Unrelenting, A slow shadow of darkness floats by, Dragging the past in; Forcing the pain, Disalussioned by the shadows; Once again false believing, I see the mere image of you again this day, So lost with these hindered words; Mymouth sewn shut, Cant one see; I dont know what to say, Understanding; The cost of believing, For the love recieved; I must now pay, Storms a raging and surging in my head, Confusion ever growing; Lost in the question, Hiding from the answers; They are just futile lies, For here I lay for eternity, Re-living that last cursed question, The question of life or death...Death or Life... The kender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted January 25, 2003 Report Share Posted January 25, 2003 can't really say I understand all of it, but I really like the last line. It shows a cyclical (sp?) though, reforming itself... keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted January 27, 2003 Report Share Posted January 27, 2003 Great poem. I think the thing that makes it harder to understand is how it is broken up into lines. Perhaps someone of a more advanced literature background could comment to give a more in dept analysis of what on earth I'm trying to say. It just almost seems like the lines break mid thought..which confuses me. I took it and pasted into notepad and ran it all together to make a paragraph and it made alot more sense when I read it..and I realized its very beautiful. Remember that this is just my opinion. The poem as it stands is unique and complex which gives it a superior intellectual look.. making it simple might not be what you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degenero Angelus Posted January 27, 2003 Report Share Posted January 27, 2003 The line breaks kinda threw me off, the first time, After I re-read it I got the sense it was putting across. Makes you think... really. Good job, Tas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thanks Posted January 28, 2003 Report Share Posted January 28, 2003 As Deg mentioned, it makes you think, each pause brings another image into the story, another set, another senario, another face or fear. The whole idea of the pause, through-out almost all my poems, it to capture your mind and to take you where I was, and to make it vivid, and with each pause it gives you the chance to go there. I suppose.. Maybe its just my odd thinking? The Kender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted January 28, 2003 Report Share Posted January 28, 2003 I agree that the line breaks make the poem unique and seem to fit it well, which is why I wouldnt recommend changing it. It just might make some have a harder time understanding it. It really depends on what your going for. The style is unique and kind of intriguing once I re-read it a couple of times to get the general idea of the subject of the poem... On the other hand some readers might give up before fulling understanding it. Just something to consider is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts