Gyrfalcon Posted January 19, 2002 Report Share Posted January 19, 2002 Walking through my life, Ducking in and out of rain, Feeling and not acknowledging The day's clear chill. Droplets of water, Sparkling in my hair, Pausing to feel the stinging bite, Of the breeze against my skin. Breathing deep, near Subway, suddenly Hungry before moving on Muscles working and flexing Propelling me into the future. Break into a sprint, Slam the button as green Turns to amber to red Just in time to cross. Impatient to be warm And home, no ten minute Wait as I cross the intersection And again, forming an angle Crossing a bridge, over a stream Of metal, white to black, red and blue Wind whipped higher, breathe deeply Of cold clear air and enjoy feeling. Sensations and being alive, the crisp Breeze, the seldom-seen sun on my skin The feel of rain pattering against my face, And the warmth of movement. I look up at the now blue, now gray sky, And breathe in the now clear, now scented air, And listen to the heartbeat of the city, And its good to be alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted January 19, 2002 Report Share Posted January 19, 2002 Excellent poem Gyr, I'm glad you posted it. Dismisses the use of systematic rhyme structure in favor of a narrative of 7 verses along with a brilliant thought provoking conclusion. Might I also say that the theme of the poem a white rose in a field of red, wonderfully positive and refreshing. Keep up the good work. [image]http://www.legion-whiterose.com/signatures/aoa/wyv.gif[/image] ------------------------------ Almost a Dragon... "My life is one big crime, I try to scheme through it." -Common, "The 6th Sense" Owner of the Decanter of Endless Booze. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted January 19, 2002 Report Share Posted January 19, 2002 I really like the constant movement, it's really well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Foe Calibur Posted January 21, 2002 Report Share Posted January 21, 2002 Foe applauds I enjoyed it quite a bit. That's a form of poetry that littel recognize these days. Most view rhymes as poetry, it's refreshing to know, and read otherwise. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tralla Posted January 22, 2002 Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 I like this. Hell, I've done this. =) I can almost see this day, and this person walking through it. Very cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 I'll leave structural analysis to others more erudite than I - I knows what I likes, and this is one of 'em. I felt swept along on the rush home - you kept my interest and my inner eye focused through out. I've liked every poem of yours I've read - which I could see more... (hint, hint). -Peredhil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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