Peredhil Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 Her complexion each morning is fresh without make-up (washed clean by the tears of the night). She showers a lovingly bright smile on all she meets (a shield against showing the pains they don't want to know). She gives the best advice a friend can give (but cannot take it herself because she's not worthy) She's the one you call at any hour knowing she'll be there (because her sleep isn't worth your consideration) She's the one who is always strong (if she is ever weak, she may break forever) She's the one you take for granted, the one who has always been there, the one who will always be (neglected unless needed, disrespected despite words of thanks, always the friend). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Crow Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 This is just.....depressingly beautiful. Thanks for writing it, for doing so you have given praise to those who won't (but should) give it to themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harmonious_Echos Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 Hooray for the obsessive perfectionista! Poor girl needs a reality check...and a good vacation. She sounds a lot like me. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harmonious_Echos Posted October 22, 2012 Report Share Posted October 22, 2012 Also, in response; the view from the perfectionista's side... Pass me by You who are my friend, (You make me laugh, on days that are gray If you would stay my friend, (When you see me, I will smile) Don't pause— Don't stop or look deep into my eyes Don't pause Don't try to lift the mask on my face Because if you look beneath You will not see anything at all, I am a hollow, empty, breathless shell, Of what I used to be, in The days when I was truly me.. You who are my friend, (A bright flower in the desert of life), If you would stay my friend Don't—don't pause— Pass me by Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted November 23, 2012 Report Share Posted November 23, 2012 Ooooo, you're on to something, but let's make it even more haunting and damning to the persona. Separate out the lines: 1,3,5,7, 9 and let them float, non-punctuated, like the disembodied intro fluff of a hallmark or heartwarming retail commercial. Then heighten the shift in line 11, by making it the hinge point of the poem, when things turn dark. Condense the culled out even lines together for a more haunting ending. Her complexion each morning is fresh without make-up She showers a lovingly bright smile on all she meets She gives the best advice a friend can give She's the one you call at any hour knowing she'll be there She's the one who is always strong She's the one you take for granted, the one who has always been there, the one who will always be: Neglected unless needed, disrespected, despite words of thanks. Always the friend, washed clean by the tears of the night. A shield against the showing of pain you do not want to know, but cannot take, because she is not worth your consideration. If she is ever weak, she may break forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted November 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 That's MUCH better. I never played with formatting, much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snypiuer Posted December 7, 2012 Report Share Posted December 7, 2012 Been wanting to say how much I like this, but EVERY time I come to it, I get a song stuck in my head: People let me tell you 'bout my best friend He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me to the end People let me tell you 'bout my best friend He's a . . . ARGHHH!!!! THERE IT IS!!! GET IT OUT!!! GET IT OUT!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.