jonadine Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 (edited) She rose through her youth with dreamlike grace. Poetry and dance shone about her like a nimbus. She flew, her wings made of the words she wrote with furious abandon. She soared and spun, whirling, drawn to the warmth and beauty of genius. How like Icarus, spiraling ever higher Wings spread, laughing wildly Free and uncaring Too close to the sun. I am Daedalus watching first in prideful fascination, Slightly jealous, Then staring in growing fear, Then frozen terror. Eyes tearing, heart breaking, as flesh of my flesh spirals out of control, burning and injured. Arms reaching, hopeless grasp unable to slow or stay the conflagration Now she is a haunted shell, wandering. Wings melted, useless. Her words lost, her dance stilled. She fell into that perfect insanity like hateful gravity sucking her down To the unyielding earth. Blackened and smoking, Broken, scarred, disfigured, She lives. Her dancing step Now lurching gait. Gestures, mindless and meaningless, Hold the echo of her prior grace, now all the more ugly For having once been beautiful. Edited January 1, 2013 by Jomeansme Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted September 29, 2009 Report Share Posted September 29, 2009 what an expressive "gut" poem, taking raw emotion and making it a painful cry of beauty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonadine Posted September 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 what an expressive "gut" poem, taking raw emotion and making it a painful cry of beauty. This one I have worked on for years, I think its made it to its final form. In a lot of ways drawing from greek myths is very visceral for me, since I learned the imagery when I was very young. The story of Daedalus who built the Maze of the Minotaur and his escape from prison where he was thrown so he couldnt reveal the Maze's secret again has deep roots in my childhood. He was a father, who built wings for himself and his son, and during their escape, his son flies too high, playing with his wings, and the wax melts and he falls to his death. I have strong memories of the illustrations in the book as well as my own feelings about the story and how Daedalus must have felt watching Icarus fall, knowing that if he had stayed in prison his son would still be alive. This poem is not subtle, but then, neither am I. I think this one is actually best when read aloud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 Nice poem, Jomeansme. :-) The personal anecdote of the girl's fall from grace was well done, and I found the final stanza of the poem particularly interesting. Touching upon the way the girl's own poetry has changed in a poem about her was a great idea that captured my attention, and the final two lines of the stanza rang true in their sad mercilessness. To be honest, my least favorite part of the poem was actually the references to Greek mythology, as somehow the name-dropping of Daedelus and Icarus didn't really feel as genuine to me as some of the other elements of the poem. I generally love the imagery tied to the metaphor, such as "her wings made of words" and "flesh of my flesh spirals out of control," but I wonder if these images could speak for themselves without spelling the actual references to Daedelus and Icarus out to the reader? Also, on more of a nitpicking note, I had a hard time envisioning the "melted" broken wings of words, as it's hard to tie melting to words in my mind. "Scattered" or "disarrayed" maybe? Anyway, very good poem Jomeansme. Welcome to the Mighty Pen. :-) Here's hoping there's plenty more to read from you in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Death of Rats Posted October 11, 2009 Report Share Posted October 11, 2009 I remember the 'Drip' virus, which did just that to your screen. Melting words also make me think of ink being wiped away by water. i.e newspaper in the rain. Good stuff, Jo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonadine Posted October 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2009 Nice poem, Jomeansme. :-) The personal anecdote of the girl's fall from grace was well done, and I found the final stanza of the poem particularly interesting. Touching upon the way the girl's own poetry has changed in a poem about her was a great idea that captured my attention, and the final two lines of the stanza rang true in their sad mercilessness. To be honest, my least favorite part of the poem was actually the references to Greek mythology, as somehow the name-dropping of Daedelus and Icarus didn't really feel as genuine to me as some of the other elements of the poem. I generally love the imagery tied to the metaphor, such as "her wings made of words" and "flesh of my flesh spirals out of control," but I wonder if these images could speak for themselves without spelling the actual references to Daedelus and Icarus out to the reader? Also, on more of a nitpicking note, I had a hard time envisioning the "melted" broken wings of words, as it's hard to tie melting to words in my mind. "Scattered" or "disarrayed" maybe? Anyway, very good poem Jomeansme. Welcome to the Mighty Pen. :-) Here's hoping there's plenty more to read from you in the future. There were two reasons why I used "melted" in that particular context. One, the wings Deadalus made were made of wax and feathers, and so it seemed true to the stroy to have the wings melt. Second, melted implies disfigurement, warping of a previously straight thing. I think you are right, that the blatant reference is unnecessary, but I like the way it sound sout loud, so I left it in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonadine Posted January 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2013 Last one. Think Im about ready to start working on a book. Anybody know of any resources to help with publishing poetry? I have a boatload of artwork to go with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snypiuer Posted January 2, 2013 Report Share Posted January 2, 2013 Been wanting to do a 'Selected Writings from the Keep of the Pen is Mightier than the Sword' for a while. Can't seem to get around to it. But this may help you out: Self-Publishing a Book: 25 Things you Need to Know You can also go to your local 'Mom and Pop' bookstore. Many offer self-publishing or can point you in the right (write?) direction. You REALLY should do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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