Appy Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 (edited) try to shelter you shelter yourself we walk in silence walks with us will not follow you follow no one one word breaks the silence is all we ever needed [04 mei 2007, Hellevoetsluis] Edited October 20, 2014 by Appy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 Read it first and it appeared as nonsense. Read it twice it seemed to have some meaning. Read it thrice and realised how much it reflects my moods of late. Simple and complex, you've caught it both nicely here lass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 I like this poem, Appy. :-) The stanza structure stands out to me in particular, as the way that you position a single word at the center of each stanza to form two different sentences is very well done. Reading the stanzas under this structure gives the lines a very transient feel to me, and also adds to the overall rhythm and flow of the piece. The repetition of "silence" and "you" as the central words also adds to the thematic elements of the piece, and I like how the stanzas alternate betweem a first/second person perspective and a first person plural perspective with each stanza. The positive connotations of "silence" in the last stanza are intriguing as well. Very nicely done, overall. :-) Thanks for sharing this Appy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted May 12, 2007 Report Share Posted May 12, 2007 (edited) Just messing around. thought I'd play with your structure a little and impose my style on your idea. I like it as is. This just experiment. cheers, rev... try to shelter you, but you shelter yourself as we walk in silence as silence walks with us. I/We will not follow you as you follow no one: One word could break, this silence Edited May 12, 2007 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted June 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 I quite like your version too reverie Especially the last stanza stands out Thanks for all the comments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyBuddha Posted June 9, 2007 Report Share Posted June 9, 2007 (edited) I like this poem, I think it does really clever things with the structure to call emphasis to the small but not insignificant points it wants to make Placing one word in the middle of each stanza is not only interesting and helpful, it's downright instrumental to making this poem as good as it is. I think using one word to form two distinct sentences prompts the reader to play the sentences off one another. That leads him or her to re-read the first sentence and in many cases reconsider or heighten his/her appreciation for what's being presented. Very good stuff, right up through the closing line, which is excellent in that it brings the poem to an end succinctly without losing the openness to interpretation that defines this poem. Edited June 9, 2007 by HappyBuddha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kikuyu_Black_Paws Posted June 10, 2007 Report Share Posted June 10, 2007 I really liked this, Appy. It's sad and mysterious and defiant all at once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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