Sweetcherrie Posted January 23, 2005 Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 (edited) Suicide Sweet sorrow silently settles Slowly seeping into my soul Darkness deepens Drowning thoughts And dreams die Endless emotions emerge Cowering conscience collides with pride Foully flooding felicity Leaving feelings loaded with lies I ponder on passionate prayers Please make my wrongs right Alas time took that option And faithful regret has arrived Pain pierces my heart in unknown hurt For I am left with only one word: Why? Edited January 23, 2005 by Sweetcherrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetcherrie Posted January 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 After reading and rereading Should I post from Peredhil, I found the courage to post this. Please be nice..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted January 23, 2005 Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 Up front since you'd expressed a concerned over English - A "hart" is a deer, I think you wanted "heart" instead, which is traditionally the seat of emotion. That said, the rest of the English is fine. The way it is written is very well done! The use of alliteration (repeated sounds) builds the emotion and sweeps the reader through what could be difficult passage "stopping points". The feelings expressed are conveyed very well. If you search through the Banquet Hall, you'll find that you are not alone in what you feel or have felt. Every person's pain is unique to them, but you should find understanding, not condemnation. The answer? I can only give you big warm huggles at this point, and tell you that personally I'm very happy you DID survive to come to us at the Pen. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetcherrie Posted January 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2005 Thank you for pointing that out because I really didn't want to talk about a deer in that particular part. Hugs back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted January 24, 2005 Report Share Posted January 24, 2005 probably the one question i ask most often, and in the most contexts. sometimes it's answerable. sometimes... i have to keep digging in hopes of finding answer. Quite alliterative, though well done - it never seems forced. Welcome. You're in good company here, and here you might find yourself startlingly well understood. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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