Finnius Posted April 25, 2004 Report Share Posted April 25, 2004 If I could have one more day, To tell you what I felt, To say the words that want to fall, From off my cracking lips, If I could have another week, Or just an hour of your time, Would it make a difference, Would you still be mine? Or would my heart be broken, Bleeding like it is, And cracked and shattered still, As hard as it once was, It will never be again. A part of me still wishes, That I had that one day back, Wants to trade in my tomorrows, Or just give up and leave. I want what I can't have, I have what I don't want, I live in desperation, Of one more passing day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted April 25, 2004 Report Share Posted April 25, 2004 It's incredibly sad... You describe a feeling that many of us have very well, and the pain of the protagonist is clearly felt through the vocabulary and word usage. The rhythym is a little odd, I don't know if you meant it that way or not, but I sort of like it... its unique, and extremely well done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DL_Snake Posted April 25, 2004 Report Share Posted April 25, 2004 I'[m not familiar with this type of poetry but the meaning is very insightful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted April 25, 2004 Report Share Posted April 25, 2004 I've this "Thing" for Gut Poetry. This feels like one. *hugs* Sometimes you just hold onto doing one day, one hour, or even one breath, at a time. -P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted April 25, 2004 Report Share Posted April 25, 2004 Thank you for writing this, Finn. It's a cool piece and...I wish your heart peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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