Salinye Posted October 5, 2003 Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 (edited) The title is as abstract as the poem. Maybe some of you will be able to know what it's about. :0) Life hurls its excess waste upon my shoulders allowing my peace to be taken from me causing the shutters in my head to go down. The encroaching vines of fear lash out from the earth encasing me in their web of despair. Confusion steals me. I know I could escape, my indecisive mind won't choose an Avenue. Silently I feel you before I see you. Having entered my web, your heart beats towards me until we meld into one glowing orb. Our hearts beat as one. As the eclipse fades, your heart stays with me. Yet you possess my glow. The earth must recoil her pitiful threads revealing the path that lifts the shutters, releasing my peace of mind. I definately need to do some serious improvements and edits, but at least the idea is down on paper. Edited October 5, 2003 by Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted October 5, 2003 Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif I couldn't say what to improve... this went straight through my heart for some reason. It also remembers me of a Björk song... about a mother's womb I think it was.. Oh, found something * Encrouching does not exist according to merriam-webster (but they don't know everything ) Here are the first three options I get though: 1. encroaching 2. encouraging 3. enshrouding I'm guessing you meant encroaching? I must say that enshrouding would be a good choice of words aswell, imo * despeair should be despair * meld should probably be melt As I thought, just some minor spelling errors.. the poem itself works just like it is I think.. No need to improve there imo, great work *hugs* Hope this helped a bit, keep posting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted October 5, 2003 Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 I like the orbs idea - romantic kind of setting. Very nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted October 5, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 (edited) Thanks for the spelling corrections, except, Meld is correct as it is. :0) ~Salinye *edited to change accept to except* *shakes her head* I do that ALL The flippin' Time! RAWR ~Salinye Edited October 5, 2003 by Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted October 5, 2003 Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 oopsie, I know see that there's more then one definition for 'meld' heh.. well used then *Appy walks away grumbling to herself; 'that's what you get when you try to correct things in a language that's not your own.. be more sure next time will ya...' grumble some more* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted October 5, 2003 Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 You shouldn't grumble, it's very unbecoming. Nice poem. I do believe I know what it's about, though I certainly wouldn't know much about it from your perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted October 5, 2003 Report Share Posted October 5, 2003 I don't really see this as a romantic topic, but I really like the piece ; ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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