Jump to content
The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Regel

Quill-Bearer
  • Posts

    587
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Regel

  1. I'm sitting here in the wireless hot zone (free I might add) at JFK airport enjoying one of the rarest of things I have ever done. I am traveling by myself to Sarasota Florida to spend a week visiting my father in law. My wife and two youngest sons are at home and the cell phone activity from home suggests that minutes of all kind now are free! My drive to Buffalo was uneventful. The Niagara region was sunny and frosty unlike the day before. It was a very strange contrast as the wind storm that blew through this region was both cold and brutal with wind chill factors approaching -35 C. Not sure what that feels like? Exposed skin freezes very quickly so cover it up or it will freeze and then fall off. The damaging winds and light snow fall caused utter chaos on the roads so I wisely stayed home and used the time to pack. The next nine days might prove to be very interesting. The one person I would have never thought I might enjoy visiting was my father in law but I do enjoy his company and I know he will enjoy having someone around. My flight lands me in Tampa approximately 8:00 pm. My father in law will be waiting I am sure after having made the one hour drive from Sarasota. He is a good man and a very generous man. That is not to say he can't be difficult! Things for Bert rarely have been anything but difficult. In the early days my father in law and I could not agree on what day it was and if I argued that the glass was half full he would defend the opposite position. Red wine at the dinner table would often bring out the debating skills from both of us. I remember my mother in law always asking me to just try and agree with Bert at the dinner table. I would always try but sooner or later I would no longer be able to remain silent and the heavy discussions would begin. I remember asking my then girlfriend “...does your father like me?" She assured me that if he didn't like me he would never even talk to me. I remember him asking me to come and work for his company and I have to be honest the money was way better than the job I had at the time but the idea of being an employ of my future father in law worried me. What if anything ever happened between me and my wife??? I would be single heart broken and unemployed all in one phone call home. : Fortunately my relationship with my wife was always good even when things around us were not, and as to my career working for my father in law I can honestly say I have never regretted my decision.. They are making the final call at Jet Blue for my connecting flight out of New York. I’ll pack it up quickly and talk to you all soon.
  2. It's been exactly a year since my mother-in-law passed away. The first Mother's day came and went without her. So many birthdays have come and gone without her. Our first Christmas came and went without her and a New Year came in to being without her. So many adjustments have been made so many plans changed so many people stuck and unable to move on. It has changed us in so many different ways. They say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I know what the meaning of that saying meant but I also know it isn't always true. A loss like this didn't kill me but it sure as hell didn't make any of us stronger. What kills me on this one year anniversary is that it coincides with the twentieth anniversary of my own father's death. I survived it didn't I? I don't think the person I was did. I wasn't just shaken a very important part of me died as well. How is it possible to partially die? Optimism, hope, naiveté, and happiness they all died that day and while I was suffering my family and friends rallied around to support me. A year ago I was the outsider that had to be strong and support those around me that could not be strong. It occurs to me that I have never allowed myself to truly grieve, a thought that weighs heavy on me today. Wallowing in self pity is not my style so once again a serious character flaw of mine (anger) reared its ugly head. I am not happy with myself but I will muddle on. The very next day I will attempt to celebrate my own mothers seventy fourth birthday, a luncheon is planned and most of my family will be there. Too much there for me to go into but Sunday will be my Mother's Day. Hope I can rally to be there.
  3. Passionate, and extremely human.
  4. The reisling is indeed white wine best served chilled. Thank you for the comments.
  5. Everything green forgotten, Buried beneath this icy cotton. Sirens in the distance calling As the snow keeps on falling. Young and old kept shovels going Churning snow machines a blowing Still inside the warmth is calling As the snow keeps on falling. Plow will soon be down my street Stamp my boots to feel my feet Back and shoulders start to calling As the snow keeps on falling. Winter scenes we used to know Delivered in the form of snow Busy travelers cars are crawling As the snow keeps on falling. Thought winter had its last hurrah? So sorry not in Canada. Smile inside the Riesling’s calling As the snow keeps on falling.
  6. I am a Canadian citizen, and yet I was offended. If that was the intent then I say bravo, you were successful. As a Canadian I can look no further than this country's history to find the racism that your poem talks about. It has had its share of dark moments and while it speaks of tolerance it has been anything but. It is difficult to take an entire society and cast aspersions without understanding it was true of some but not of all. The truth is a transient thing, devoid of content and without balance it be made to seem what ever you want it t be. Probably the most controversial piece I have seen you write and not one of my favourites even if it did have some valid points.
  7. Only a young naive person or a fool would put their whole trust in a person at the beginning of a relationship. I guess I was that fool as a young man. Life has beat some sense into me. At this moment and time I still give people the opportunity to disappoint me, but I do so with a watchful eye. Trust is something that is earned slowly now. I found out early that my greatest disappointment and my biggest wound is that of a trusted friend's betrayal. It is an unforgivable act of cruelty to me so for me trust is now no longer a default but rather a prize that is won over a substantial period of time.
  8. November muse Ever wonder why when we injure ourselves a scar is formed? Mother Nature's reminder of all the injuries we have ever sustained. I have many scars. Those that you can see and those you can't but I carry them all just the same. Many of them are too small to be conspicuous, some too large to be missed. All of them tell a story and carry a strong memory when we revisit them. Some of those stories make us laugh, but not all of them. There might come a time when medical science may give us the option to remove the scar. I am sure there would be many that would avail themselves of that service and perhaps in its removal we might forget the injury all together. Somehow I rather doubt that would happen to me for the largest and the deepest of my scars have never been visible but I'll carry their stories to my grave.
  9. Welcome home, you have been missed.
  10. I tend to agree Da_Yog with that assessment but I am trying to decend to this pathetic excuse of a man's depravity and while I can be a cruel cold hearted bastard I can't even get close to him. In here there exists a place, too dark for this world to face. No quarter in those murky waters, hatred pours red, mercy falters. Silently I'll slit your throat Watch you die, and thrash about. For you there won't be another day As I calmly turn and walk away. Inside me something's broken Kind words were never spoken My cooling heart grew fearless Painful death? I could care less. I'll see your existence end Misfortune has found you friend Save your begging I don't care Blood stains, bone shards, bits of hair Thanks for the comments.
  11. In here there exists a place, too dark for this world to face. No quarter in those murky waters, hatred pours red, mercy falters. Silently I’ll slit your throat Watch you die, and thrash about. For you there won’t be another day As I calmly turn and walk away. Inside me something’s broken Kind words were never spoken I grew hard cold and fearless Forfeit life? I could care less.
  12. I found this had a simple elegance with a powerful message. I enjoyed it very much. I have had heroes when I was young. People I would listen to and respect. I have known people that appeared to have all the confidence and strength to lead others. I am an older reader and the last three stanzas are the pay off. The old sergeant fell in battle and his young charges saw in his death a fear that comes from a mortally wound man in a moment of self doubt that shook their belief structure to their foundation. It is a frightening experience for a young person, the first time you watch some one pass on and yet it is also a bit of a wake up call. It does bring into question your belief structure. I have watched people pass without fear into the next stage quietly without that look you so eloquently described. In that moment you watch in awe in the faith they exhibit. In their moment of grace when they quietly pass to the next life unafraid you rediscover strength in your own belief structure. I hope god grants me that kind of strength, and that kind of faith. I see a definite growth in all the work you have put forth lately Da_Yog.
  13. A small loaf of bread fresh out of the oven. Some olive oil, olives and pecorino cheese and a few sundried tomatoes. A glass of red wine and a tangerine,
  14. Travelling now had become largely a solitairy activity. We had brought several hundred hours of music on cassette tapes and it was often the only time we got to be alone. The directions were simple stay on the Trans Canada until we see the ocean then head south. As Domenic explained it even I should be able dollow those directions. I lit a cigarette as Domenic slept away my shift and a song suddenly came on that immediately made me smile. We had heard it in a Calagary bar the night before. The locals (all dressed up as urban cowboys) were not quite ready for us and we were definately not ready for them. There was some sort of subtle get-the-fuck-out-of-my-town game going on in this bar. Every time I left my beer unattended (for even a minute) I would find a cigarette in the mug or bottle I was drinking out of. After a couple of unfinished beers I nudged my cousin with my elbow and suggested we leave. The cowgirls weren't treating him all that kindly so we got up to leave and this song came on. The lyrics were already too familiar to us both and we just about laughed are way out singing along to it. Well I don't know why I came here tonight, I got the feeling that something ain't right, I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair, And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs, Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, here I am, Stuck in the middle with you. Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you, And I'm wondering what it is I should do, It's so hard to keep this smile from my face, Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place, Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...... The music always helped while away the hours and so it did that day
  15. Have you ever wonder if the world has gone mad? Why people out for a walk on a beautiful day bring their smokes? Why people order diet coke with their cheeseburg and fries? Why some people beg on the streets in fronts of merchants stores looking for help?
  16. Jasper turned out to be more than a few hours away. My shift had ended just before dinner and between the meal and the day long drive I was beat. I had stretched out as best as I could in the back seat. Domenic drove with his friend beside him up front. When we finally arrived I was awake with my eyelids shut. The lack of road noise and motion had awoken me. I listened as Dan opened the door and got out to call his girlfriend. My cousin was watching and commenting as the scene unfolded."What's goin' on?" I asked in a sleepy voice. My body was saying it was 12:45 but the local time was 10:45pm. "Dan has gone to call his girlfriend." Dan was standing in a lit pay phone booth while flies and mothes swirled above him. He fished out a small crumpled piece of paper, dropped a dime in and started dialing. After a few minutes he began to speak. It was obvious to my cousin Domenic that things were not going well for his friend. A keen observer and wise beyond his years Domenic had seen this coming. "Oh no." he said flatly. "Oh no." he repeated. "Oh no what?" I said. I was laying down in the back and could not see Dan but in my minds eye I did as my cousin went on " His girlfriend doesn't want to see him. Oh no." I interrupted his commentary with "What the fuck are you talking about! How do you know that? Are you a lip reader?" Domenic sighed and spoke "They were having problems before she left for out west....oh no.....and based on his posture and the expression on his face....she's dumped him....oh no." Domenic was right on the money. A few moments later Dan was back in the car dejected explaining that would not be staying with his girlfriend and that she was living with someone else. Domenic suggested that he should travel with us to California but Dan's heart was broken. To be honest I don't think he could have lasted another day travelling with us and our constant bickering so we stayed in a youth hostel that night had breakfast the next morning early and said our goodbyes. Dan would hitch hike home to Ontario with his backpack and guitar case looking every inch the flower child.
  17. Welcome back Da_Yog! As I read this poem the memory of my recent visit to Arlington came back vividly. Battlefields are often littered with young lives and often at the end of a conflict scars remain in the living that never go away. Your poem captured all of that for me. Nice to have you back.
  18. "Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." My youngest son and I read this together out loud at the Lincoln Memorial. The marbled temple an shrine was one of the highlights of my Washinton DC visit. The power of those words and their eloquence moved me. I am not an American but a Canadian Citizen that was visiting my American cousins. It had been an all day affair that included many of the sights on the National Mall. including the near by Vietnam Veterans Memorial, Korean War Veteran Memorial, and National World War II Memorial. We had already visited the Arlington National Cemetary. Our guide was my cousin Roger and we saw where both his father's gravesite and his younger brother's were. How utterly beautiful this final resting place was, and how horrific that we could walk these grounds and see just how many crosses, how many have fallen defending these words. I let my son wander off to view the rest of the momument as I discreetly wiped my nose and eyes. Dam allergies.
  19. I thank you for that GeldrinHor, and Reverie the invite is open ended. That is the thing about moving on, you grow you move forward but everything you left behind also moves and changes. If you were a player from the days of Maritel the game has definately changed. It is in different hands and is now called The Reincarnation.The developers have made many changes, new units and styles of play have developed and starting a new blue mage might be frustrating if you have not kept up. We are a small core of friends and we have some very good allies (ask Tanny) so if ever you want to come home again just look us up and drop my name. You are all welcome.
  20. While my friends from Saskatchewan will hate me for saying this, man that place is flat. The drive was both amazing and so mind numbing. Now I know why a Saskatchewan farmer can watch his dog run away for three days. The drive across Manitoba was bad but Saskatchewan was way worse because the scenery really never changed. We kept the shifts to four hours and under my cousin Dom's watchful eye and constant nagging we finally saw the landscape starting to change. We acrossed the Alberta border and had dinner. Jasper was another few hours away but eating was more important just now and besides we were road weary. We all needed a stretch as well.
  21. These two lines struck me for a couple of reasons. In this line: My brain spins as overcome I am with revelations I have about you. At first blush it seemed a bit backward and confused. Very much like we would be feeling if we were experiencing the same revelation, but the speed of your recovery is reflected in this next line. Through the cracks in my shield I am suprised to be burnt by conscious light. The confusion is over and this startling revelation crystalizes in the following statement: In this light, You are not everything. You are not my everything. When I hear this from a younger person I want to stand up and cheer. Some people never see it.
  22. It's funny when it happens It surprises me even now People that think they know me Then gape when I furrow my brow They crossed the line While thinking the deal was done But there was something in my voice Was I serious,or just having fun? I often start off slowly Repeating what they said Then peel away their certainty And fill their heart with dread. You stupid ignorant moron! Did you think I would smile and grin? When your words they did offend me And your manners are mighty thin. There is no happy ending here You should have stayed in school As my anger sends you packing You realize I will not suffer fools. ---------------------------------- My ode to telephone solicitors
  23. "Bickering is just something we do, there is no malice in it. We enjoy it." This was the response to a very confused and tired Dan when he asked if we ever stopped arguing? Stretches of this trip were very quiet, so many miles of two sleepers and one driver. The only good thing was you got to pick the music. Steely Dan, Gerry Rafferty, Paul Simon, hell even a little Phoebe Snow with out comment. I loved these times where I could revist and think about her lyrics while listening to the sweet melody. I'd like to be a willow A lover, a mountain or a soft refrain But I'd hate to be a grown-up And have to try to bear my life in pain I wish I was a soft refrain When the lights were out I'd play and be your friend I strut and fret my hour upon the stage The hour is up I have to run and hide my rage I'm lost again I think I'm really scared I won't be back at all this time And have my deepest secrets shared I'd like to be a willow A lover, a mountain or a soft refrain But I'd hate to be a grown-up And have to try to bear my life in pain As I think about those times and the meaning that eluded me as a younger man sinks in now. Funny how that works.
  24. It has been a strange few months. Summer's last hurrah will soon be here in the form of the Labour Day long weekend. The three day weekend is usually when I close the pool but the summerlike weather will continue during the day time but the cool nights and the falling leaves makes keeping the pool all work and no play. The lawn mower was waiting on me and so was the yard work. The list of small tasks around the house started as a list but has cascading into a small novella. Had I really been too busy or have I been to lethargic? Probably a little of both I am sure. Cardboard and plastic cluttered the veranda, the left overs from our recent purchase of new living room furniture. The leather sofa loveseat and match arm chair was delivered late Thursday night.The grass took 30 minutes and the clutter on the porch another 40 minutes to square away. I trimmed the hedges and thought about the pool. I had been in it once this year. Where did the summer go? It does seem like the calander and the clock have been telling falsehoods. I took the trash to the curb and looked at the old couch and loveseat sitting there. Apparently pink furniture was not as popluar as it once was. I was slowly crossing off chores and the list (or small novella) was down five with fifty things left to do. On the seventh day God having completed his work rested. I wish I could but my work isn't.
×
×
  • Create New...