Regel

Another Saturday and my weekly appointment with the lawnmower has begun. Once again my mind began to wander into muses that I had no time to consider through the week. A conversation I had with a fellow pennite recently made me pause to consider how I am being perceived. The comparison to Peredhil was quite flattering but not deserved. Peredhil is far more evolved. I see myself as a good person but flawed. While I am sure Peredhil may have one or two flaws, mine are far more numerous as well as apparent. Still when it comes to dogs cats and other small mammals I have always seem to have an instant understanding. I didn't fear them and they didn't fear me. Sadly the same could not be said about people. My experience with people has been entirely different. Trust was never something I could associate with people, only animals even the maladjusted ones. People made those animals mean but it was never in their nature which is something I can closely identify with. The lawn finished I was returning the mower to the garage when who should be there to greet me but that dam mouse again. This was getting weird. The neighbourhood was full of cats and dogs and natural preditors how does this mental midget manage to survive? I decide that I will just let the little bugger go about his business and suddenly I see another mouse. This one was also gray and white but fortune had not smiled quite as sweetly on this one. It's ear torn it was obvious that something had placed its mark on this small creature. This one was an entirely different mouse. As I approached it showed fear and scurried away. It occured to me that I have been like both of these mice at various times in my life. The dicotamy of my character illustrated in the form of two mice. Weird.

Some very nice imagery. Droplets of sunshine pouring down from heaven Wave particle theory all over again. Nice poem

It was Saturday morning on a bright spring day. A small surprise was waiting for me out my front door. A small gray and white mouse was sitting on my step. The first time I met this little guy I thought he was a goner. Some strange illness had left him too ill to run or too blind to see the danger of sitting out in the open. (Ate some poison bait I assumed.) Barely moving it was still alive but surely death would soon be paying him a visit. The side walk I decide would not be its final resting place. Someone could easily step on him where he was so I moved him under the canopy of my forty five foot Blue Spruce and went about my business of pruning hedges and mowing the lawn. The work although hard required very little thinking. It was a small holiday of sorts when the body is in motion and the mind is on idle. While I pushed the lawnmower the mind began to wonder. The disease these little rodents carried wiped out half of Europe and yet while the opportunity to destroy the mouse was there (it would have been easy really) I couldn’t bring myself to do it. That reluctance had been there all of my life from the time I was a child. Cruelty and killing without purpose was incomprehensible to me. I made a terrible hunter for ostensibly the same reason. I had food in the fridge and didn’t need to kill anything. I fear I may have ended up a vegetarian if I had to slaughter my own animals. The job soon finished and I began cleaning up the clippings. I didn’t worry too much about the body underneath the Blue Spruce but continued about my tasks. A few days later I returned home after work to find my youngest son Joseph and several of his friends huddled over my step. Curious about what could hold five ten year olds attention for so long I approached. It was him! The same small gray mouse (or a close kin hard to be sure) sitting in the sunshine. "Leave him boys, he may be sick." I said. With that the group took a step back and yet the small creature remained relatively calm. Whiskers twitching and grooming himself he seem oblivious of his surrounds (but at least he was moving better). Once again I thought his small body would end up a smudge under someone's shoe if I didn't move him. I took a small garden tool and gently nudged him over towards the grass. I fully expected the small mouse to bolt but he was neither worried nor in a hurry to run away. "Gosh we must grow them stupid on BirchCliff!" was my comment to which the group of boys giggled. About twenty minutes later he was back sunny himself on the step again. What is wrong with this mouse? He must have a death wish. I didn't know what to do with the little guy. A crow or a stray cat would but not me and perhaps the mouse knew it.

Lost: As a mathematical formula is defined as, Locomotion + inattentiveness = Lost

Welcome back Saliyne. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Dear Katzaniel, In a very short time (a matter of minutes) I too have mysteriously fallen in love with you. Others have cited your eyes, and some reasons why they should garner your affection. Well I should like to cite some reasons as well. I too have never been possed by a deamon (then again there was that pycho chick in San Diego but that lasted less than 24 hours). I am house broken and rarely slay anyone inside any more (unless they deserve it). I have always taken love seriously (except for this particular thread) and would be happy to compete for your affections. Breathing is a labour I cannot bare if you are not around. So is laundry. I cannot claim to be royal but I am indeed Regel. Choose me over the blonde, yes she's hot but I can cook! I just don't clean. Your sincerely, Regel

Rational thought the cure for passion? Somethings are felt so strongly that passion can not be helped. It begins with a belief so strong that it will not be quelled. It doesn't understand limits and refuses to be wrestled to the ground by logic. It's a chemical reaction that cannot be reversed. Once certain elements are introduced to one another the energy and heat begins to be release. Nothing can stop it. Fear freezes people. If you allow those elements to combined will they explode inside you? Will your rational thought survive? Emotions are very powerful. Flamed by passions could anything stand in their way. Perhaps what you are feeling is fear. I hope you allow yourself the opportunity to find out. Thought provoking poem.

The story is very familiar to me. To the person left behind there is the feeling of desertion, but the truth is that we deserted them. Hanging on to the past is dangerous because of the seperation and isolation it causes. Life demands we move forward (or die.) I would like to offer a small revision and here is why. I liked the mood and the structure but while repetition of words can be powerful at times it can also be the opposite. A small change in the first stanza could center in on the same feeling without I hope losing the message.

Thanks for the comments Merelas. A small revision might smooth it out. Home comings await us, Old familiars loom, Settling our fears for our eventual doom.

Another sad day dressed in black, In silence we shoulder a heavy load, Watching death's relentless attack, Emotions swell, call it grief a la mode. For one by one, And tit for tat, We watch them leave But they won't be back. But still we gather, Friends and family do that, Remembering what we've lost, As the reaper grows fat Home comings await us, Old familiar faces loom, Settling our fears for our eventual doom.

A teacher once told me a story about a person that only lived on a two dimesional plane (a sheet of paper). In his world he could only understand length and width. If someone who lives in three dimensions holds a pencil above the paper it is beyond his scope and therfore invisible. If the pencil is lowered and touches the page a dot suddenly appears apparently out of no where for our two dimesional friend. If the pencil is suddenly lifted it disappears just as quickly. We are three dimesional creatures and yet time is a fourth dimension that we can only travel linearly. If we could see in four dimensions what a difference that would make. We could see the consequences of our actions (or inactions) and change the course of history. We are limited in our scope and therefore none of us are able to see it all Solivagus. Trying to make sense of everything that is going on in the world is like trying to seek order out of chaos.

Happy seventeenth! Purple is Regel's colour by the way?

Happy Birthday Gwai. Hope the day was memorable.

With so much boiling up inside of me, I still find it difficult to find relief. You'd think with all the emotions embodied on my little shelf, I could find the words to express myself. Here let me help Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. I just want what everyone else does, nothing more nothing less I just want a shelter, security, happiness and a minimum of stress Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

Faith is a hard thing to put inside someone else. I fear that even amongst his own followers some of them wouldn't believe this unless they saw with their own eyes and touched with their own hands. Thomas having heard of his masters sightings still had his doubts. It all boils down to one simple thing. Do you believe in miracles? I do. Thank you Jareena Faye for sharing this with us.

Happy Birthday gentlemen.

That's the thing about sarcasm; it only works if you know its sarcasm.

I would like to share my own personal definition of the word friend. Friend: Person who accepts who we really are and likes us anyway.

Searching frantically for the happy part "Can't seem to find any happy poetry in this post. Friends are like gardens. Some need constant tending and yet others can self mantain for long periods of time. Now mine you outsiders might call them weeds but I still call them friends." I like the poem.

It is fair and true to assume that we are ultimately alone not by choice but by preference. We may not think that is so but ultimately we do control who we allow onto our lives at least at the intimate level. I quite enjoyed this Appy but if I may a comment to my friend Parmenion. While that maybe true at times it isn't always the case. Twins are an obvious example but the last time I witnessed a birth there was a mother birthing, a doctor delivering, several nurses attending and at least one shook up dad. As to the dying alone while it happens it is truly one of life’s tragedies. I would hope that those people closest to me would have at least one human being with them when they cross over. While it is certainly one of the hardest things to do I would ask you to stay with the person that is dying right till the end. Holding someone’s hand while they are dying is difficult but dying alone is worse. Alone is a choice.

The free form of expression is very evocative. I am not sure the message I read in this story is the same as I read it the second time around. The storm brews inside of me each day the waves grow higher Internal turmoil expressed as the ocean but do i stick close to shore or unfurl my sails and run The choices are clear, play it safe or take some chances. Winds swirls around me blowing my hair into my eyes blinded by its strength buffeted by it's fury There is a force threatening and powerful Exhilerated and afraid still standing on the edge Jump! I hear it chanted now I look into the sea One more step open my arms accept fate fly What's cool about this is the use of the metaphor of the wind and the sea. What it represents will be different for every reader and so will the interpretation of the resolution. Is this a suicidal leap into a malestrom or a leap of faith, accepting the risks with arms open and soaring up high above? I very much enjoyed this.

The ending is not mine to play with but, could easily become

Dear Diary, I am home at last and another long day is almost over. Music washes over me the way tears wash the dirt off your face. The price I pay for trying or rather pretending to be in control of my life. I am a white rat in a difficult maze. The scent of something I want on my nose, facing yet another dead end. To stubborn to quit, to stupid to admit I am over my head and too proud to ask for help. Another hard lesson to be taught in humility by my creator I guess. I know I should put my trust in him but the devil is always working the other ear trumping aces with self doubt and uncertainty. Throwing curves and change ups into what was once straight and predictable. Seems to be the only constant in my life is that the rate of change continues to accelerate. I look at the abject failures around me and wonder if I am not one of them. Ah yes, that's why I struggle isn't it.

Dear Enitharmon, Congratulations on your first post. It made a huge impression on me. To this day Lillies and heavy floral aromas make me seriously ill. What a powerful piece. This is a very eclectic group that you have walked in on. Each story we post exposes a little bit about ourselves. It may not be all that comfortable at first but believe me it does get easier. I quite enjoyed your work. Welcome to the pen.

Is it so complicated? It's a very powerful emotion. Love is something you feel. What does it feel like? Well there is the difficult part. I have loved many people but I haven't had sex with many. How sex always gets involved with these discussions is always difficult for me to understand. For even in romantic love the having is never as urgent or as powerful as the wanting. Love is something that defines strict rules. Do I have to respect you to love you? No I can cite examples where I love a person I no longer respect. Can you love a person that doesn't love you back? Absolutely! Love is usually something you associated with joy and happiness but not always. There are many examples of love sick men and women who aren't happy. Love has been decribed as many things. Love is blind. Love is a drug. Love is a battlefield. Love is a burnig ring of fire. It can be all of those things and yet different for everyone. What the object of your love is what ultimately defines a person. A child, your wife, your brother, your dog or cat they all are pieces of a large puzzle. Do I have to deserve a persons love for them to give it? I thank God that the answer to that question is no.