Appy

*Appy applauds* I like this a lot!

Welcom to the board, you come well-directed I see

A very good first attempt Wylde, already picturing an image in my head tells me you certainly have potential.. but I also like Alaeha's suggestion, if only just for letting it flow more, so the image won't shatter.. am I making sense? Probably not lol

By Peredhil:

Then when they liked it - I felt like a fraud, sure that the next piece would be the one that revealed me...

Aye, that's me at the moment! I hate it! lol

It's nice to have a place where the corrections are suggestions on how to become better,

*nod* that's why I am still here..

*hugs Wylde* Welcom to the boards! I hope your stay here wil be as pleasant as mine so far

supurb! I read it twice just because I love the flow.. great work

*Appy blushes a bit and then bows* Many thanks for your comment, and you are most welcom to 'use' that line, Peredhil, It'd be my honour even

*hoping she didn't make a fool of herself again this time Appy walks off mumbling* mumble all these ppl mumble commenting mumble I hate compliments mumble glad there weren't only that mumble mumble...

*Appy applauds* Very nice work.. well done!

Maybe leave out the "the" in "When the signs have died" ? For flow you see... although on second thought.. nawww forget that comment.

I like it

Everyone should have that kindof lighthouse

Happy birthday!

Re-reading it I can see how it can work confusing for those not familiar with the terms The Way and paths.. at least not in the way I used them there.

They have a divine origin, maybe that helps?

undergrowth in a forest.. now there's an image that I didn't couple with this one yet.. I like it

Thanks for all comments.. I'm leaving it as it is, since that's how I felt at that moment. I can see your point Loki.. but the "stretching it" feeling is part of the poem

something that i heard today and that really upset me, that is part of this i guess..

In america 27 (!) children die each day because of mishandling and abuse from parents. In germany 2 (still !) die that way each day.. bringing germany on 3rd place, but in the same league as most european countries.

disturbing to have it told like that...they actually used the word league

~I woke up with this in my head, some ppl might find this difficult to read, for that, my apologies... I present to you the tiniest story I've come up with so far ~

*****************************

......."Why do you do that?" she said suddenly "Why do I do what?" he replied, while stirring the milk through his third cup of coffee "You mean joking around a lot?"

......."Yes, you know as well as I do that clowns are often sad on the inside.. don't you think other people will know?" "Perhaps I am not that kind of clown, sister. Consider that"

.......She laughed, crystal clear but honing. "You honestly think I don't know you brother-dear?" She pushed her spoon around the base of her cup, sending it tinkling along the edge of the art-deco saucer. "I just often wonder what would happen if you wouldn't act that way" she looked in his eyes "Would you have raped me?"

.......He leaned forward. Opened his mouth and two letters almost became visible, hovering above the ashtray that was inbetween them "NO"

.......There they were, 2 super-powers, brought forth at the same time. They had shared the same womb and a lot more. And now the world held it's breath.

......."Would you still hold me dear and tender if you would stop joking around brother?" The world swivelled it's eyes from one to the other, little drops of sweat forming on it's forehead.

.......For a full five minutes she stared into his eyes. He let her. 'See little sister, see that I am not, what you think I could be. Your mother made sure little sister..you mother made sure.'

.......The world wiped it's forehead and started breathing again. Like a Virgin from Madonna was still playing in the background, the bus at the busstop closed it's doors noisily. At the bar someone was laughing. She smiled her special smile and sipped at her coffee.

.......She knew.

~Would you believe me if I told you I woke up with a little story in my head with about the same topic, the twisted youth thing?~

I thought this was a very good read.. I only tended to not like the double use of "wake" in the 4th stanza.. but that's just me not wanting to use the same word-type/sound in the same stanza I guess. If its the only stanza in the poem that has that anyways. (don't quote me on this, i'm sure i did it too somewhere )

Well done

Eeep! *runs* I said you could keep going! I said I said I said... waaaaaa

Finally I got my brain to register what I read here, (for some reason i have a hard time reading poems) and I love it. Simple, logical (to me) deeply philosophical. You wrote part of what I think of as the truth.

Will you stop writing what's in my mind! *laughs* Naw keep it going, it's funny to see loose thoughts/feelings in writing this clear.

Good luck and all that anyways

PS: I too wanna be able to paint the pictures in my head.. *sigh*

neat lil thing this *applauds* I like it

*Appy applauds* I really like this style of writing, not sure how you would revise this, but it seems already to capture the core...

Ugh i'm horrible at commenting lol, I'll stick with just really liking this, and looking forward to more

~ I liked the "You are Incomplete" too much to get rid of it, and the "You are Boring" needed to close it (it's about writer's block afterall, as reverie pointed out here ) So tadaa, new stanza forced it's way in ~

The world is White

It looks at me

and says:

"You are Empty"

and I agree

I've always despised White..

The world is Darkness

It looks at me

and says:

"You are Nothing"

and I agree

I've always feared Darkness..

The world is Twilit

It looks at me

and says:

"You are Incomplete"

and I agree

I've always shunned The Grey..

The world is a Mirror

It looks at me

and says:

"You are Boring"

and I agree

I've never liked Me..

Thank you!

*Appy walks in and hugtackles Louvetau, get's up, and dissapears in a corner without uttering a word*

OOC: eya! (I could never shut up lol)

Tendrils of self

reaching out

touching

searching

looking for those

meant to do the same

The feeling of linking

the way showing

our paths

humanity's destiny

Union

pictures of

going up in energy

joining All

..emotions do strange things

to one's perception..

[15 september 2003, Leverkusen]

Thats ok, Merelas, I'm sometimes lost on these boards aswell still

Thanks for your kind words

*Appy applauds* I like this, the concept is great, first of all, and this reading like a story, with that ending.. yes, Appy likes

My favo two lines:

Fate is a cruel puppeteer

The strings are always tangled

So true..

~Now that i'm finally kinda happy with the translation I figured I'd post this one in this thread aswell, seeing as it is also originally in dutch and was written in 1996. The stanza with the "" is the refrain(sp?) of a song by a band that helped me tons in those days, they made me write down my thoughts, since their own lyrics so much resembled poems on their own. Enjoy ~

Again

And I'm so tired already

Trains thunder through my head

each carriage filled with thoughts

"Fleeing from Yesterday

Repressed by Today

Caught in Tomorrow"

The world below me

is a turning globe

The world above me

is one big nothing

The world around me

does not make me feel

It doesn't exist anymore

Only I am left

Alone.. with too many

people around me

Original:

Opnieuw

En ik ben al zo moe

treinen denderen door m'n hoofd

elke wagon gevuld met gedachten

"Voor gister op de vlucht

door vandaag teneer gedrukt

in morgen gevangen"

De wereld onder mij

is een draaiende bol

De wereld boven mij

is één groot niets

De wereld om mij heen

doet me helemaal niks

hij bestaat niet meer

Alleen ik ben er nog

Alleen... met te veel

mensen om me heen

~edited, I crashed while posting this, and my revisions were gone.. I only realised that after posting. The line "does not make me feel" isn't the original, revised line, but for now it will do *sighs and kicks her computer several times*~

No role-playing from me, but a big Happy Birthday all the same!

It was the sole truth Loki

~another posting like it is, not sure if I'm happy with it yet, but it has the general feel to it that I was aiming for.. I guess ~

Old Love

So many years of

sharing

struggling

of trying to cope

with growing up

Something wrong

can't put my finger on it

but it's there

lurking

destroying all hope

Emotions surging

not getting through

different wavelenght

or non at all?

I do not know

non does for sure

Speculations

secret converstations

discussing my love

Apathetic

Autistic

words that fall

and hit me hard

One year of fighting

of trying to excape

the inevitable

joined conclusion

love has fled

could not help us

anymore

Confusion

Unwilling to let go

of known certainties

that kept us together

but then

relieve sets in

boundries falling

All is well

~corrected a spelling error~

~more editing, for the sake of flow.. I wrote this for my ex-boyfriend, inspired because my parents both saw him last week, and it seemed he was doing well, well for someone in his position anyways.. It's hard to quit a 4 year long relationship on the sole base of both not being in love anymore, still being close friends afterwards and then some months later loose contact and several months more after that hear that he's sitting at his parents house living from money from the state, without them forcing him to find a job.. because he's proclaimed depressed by several doctors... just so you know where it comes from, I need a hug now ~