Archive

Falcon2001 Page Posts: 117 (11/20/01 7:48:40 pm) Reply Re: Cutoff? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hehe, Zadown, you ever watch Ninja Scroll? That's fast-paced anime, and my plot is a LOT more understandable Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

Zadown Bard Posts: 154 (11/20/01 5:29:23 pm) Reply Re: Cutoff? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay, so my part of the deal... I've reached half-way, and I think I'll be able to finish it too, this is fascinating enough even without the deal. I was first slightly irritated by all the colorful high magicness of the story, but then I shifted my perspective and started looking at it like an anime fantasy movie, fast-packed action and destinies great than life, and voila! It works a lot better. I can see the movie rolling in front of my eyes as I read... Enjoyable stuff. I'll give fuller analyzis about it when I'm done.

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 388 (11/20/01 7:56:01 am) Reply Cutoff? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I printed your story and am working my way through whenever I have a free moment (just started a new job so those are few - sorry. ) The copy I printed cuts off in the middle of a sentence. When I look at my screen - it also cuts off. Is anyone else having this problem? I'll try to post some feedback as soon as I can make it coherently. So far, all I can say is I like it. I tend to 'synthesize' from everything I read and see myself (some call it stealing ) so I don't penalize for that unless it isn't done well - and yours so far seems well done. Whatever your sources, the resultant mixture is very 'you' and a clever read. My only suggestion for the next one might be to break it into sections and post each individually, rather than as one looong single post. Work calls again Peredhil

Zadown Bard Posts: 151 (11/15/01 11:48:21 pm) Reply Re: A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm sorry, but I have the attention span of a member of the MTV generation on speed and suffering from ADD...

Falcon2001 Page Posts: 113 (11/15/01 10:51:28 pm) Reply Re: A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not to sound annoying (heaven forbid!), but is anyone actually reading my story? I know it's long, but it's very good (IMHO), so I would be ecstatic if you all could read it... Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

Falcon2001 Page Posts: 110 (11/9/01 7:13:16 am) Reply Re: long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah...here's an interesting fact about said story... Originally the name of the mage was Will, which happens to also be used as 'I WILL do this' or something else...so I decided to change it. MS Word has a nice little feature where you can replace all of one word, so I replaced William with Cioden. So far so good. But when I went to go change Will to Cioden, I didn't take into account all of the non-noun wills floating around. I was reading it and came across a sentence somewhat like this: If you make a single move, I cioden slice your throat. This led to some consternation, and a lot of editing on my part. Enjoy! Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 97 (11/8/01 10:12:11 pm) Reply Re: long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr chuckles and places aside Book IV* No problem... =) Ravens as spies- ohh... *Gyr starts looking for Myrddraal * "FLASH Him, leaving home a year later than all of the other apprentices because of his inability to work the magic of law, his father standing on the walkway with a cold look on his hard face." Cioden's father was a real b******.

Falcon2001 Page Posts: 108 (11/8/01 10:51:19 am) Reply Re: long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SORRY ABOUT THE JORDAN THING! I was reading it at the time, please disregard the beginning! Also, the only names I am proud of are Cioden and Andaria, and Andaria is just a remake of Andrea, so what. I think I stole Anya from somewhere, but I'm not sure...does anyone know? Yes, Mat and Thom are stolen, but Mat is the ONLY one from jordan on purpose...my friend TC's first name is Thomas, so he wanted to be Thom in the damn story, and I let him. But I changed Mat's full name from Matrim to Mathom...not much of a change, but it's enough. Also, it's dang near impossible not to steal from tolkien...Cioden is a sort of evil Gandalf later on. Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Edited by: Falcon2001 at: 11/8/01 10:54:12 am

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 369 (11/8/01 5:42:54 am) Reply long! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It IS long! I've read just a bit and run out of time. I'll try to read through it this weekend. Like Gyrfalcon, I can see some of your sources, but I'll repeat what one of my instructors told me: "Steal from one place, it's plagarism, steal from many - it's a thesis paper." Nearly everyone steals from Tolkien and some of the other greats, just disguise it a bit more. It has some nice turns of phrase and imagery so far. I'm TERRIBLE at names myself - there are some online resources, baby-naming sites, that have oodles and oodles of names for the name challenged. More as I read. -Peredhil

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 96 (11/7/01 9:55:04 pm) Reply Re: A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hmmm... *Gyrfalcon whaps Falcon around with a large trout* Copyright infringment to a flagrent degree! (IE, Avendesora, Aiel, Dragon Reborn. I like all the rest of the units, though- they're standard or unique to you. =) ) *Another whapping for stealing a prophecy from WoT* Besides, attribute it to who it belongs, and if you take so much, give Robert Jordan credit at the end. Hmmm... interesting... are the people found in this tale the players on the chess board? *Gyrfalcon reads on (running commentary) *Gyr banks on the general, even as he knows the recruit will probably win... experience would allow him to compensate for the new style and speed* Thom and Mat: sort of stretched for names? "As light and cold as a winter gale, yet as strong as a team of oxen, this sword could never be dulled or worn away. The sight of him indifferently lopping off the heads of practice dummies always sent a chill down Vyse’s spine." --Nice images. =) "Rushing forward, Kilik continued to plead his case. “Devils, Vyse! Horrible gnashing evil baneful corrupt immoral, uh, evil…” he trailed off, trying to find a suitable word to express his feelings. “DEVILS! BAD! VERY VERY BAD VYSE! UNDERSTAND? BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!” -- *falls over laughing* Thus I end at Chapter 3 (I'll come back with more later. =) )

Falcon2001 Page Posts: 107 (11/7/01 6:33:49 pm) Reply A Game of Chess: Tale of the Five Rings -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please, any of you who can actually load the page with AGOC: TotFR on it, please do so, download it to a text file, and read at your leisure. This is my best work ever, please read! Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

Minta Rose Bard Posts: 34 (11/25/01 10:39:25 pm) Reply The Shadowed Warrior -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (by Tek Chaos, Assembly Room) Memories: The sentence "I can remember when I still had memories" needles me. Perhaps, instead of 'had', it could be 'kept'? The corners of darkness: "When they overwhelmed us, they offered us positions as an ultimatum to execution." That doesn't make sense. 'An alternative to execution', or perhaps 'the alternative' for more impact, would work; so would rephrasing 'to execution' to '--that or execution.'. Evil's one true weapon: Is this part long enough to stay independent? It introduces a new element (the War against the Light) but doesn't finish it. O, immortal of life: No recommendations, it stands well. And never does he yield: As above. The little tagline after the poem is not quite enough. Either it could be removed entirely, or twisted somehow. . .I'm not sure here. . . The entire story is neatly written, a good style for a journal, with the low detail and many short sentences. A compact and complete tale.

Minta Rose Bard Posts: 33 (11/25/01 9:07:18 pm) Reply just a little something -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Dragcor Warwick, Banquet Room) It's a ballad, slow and serene, with little sacrifices in meter for a long and flowing work--the repeated beginnings of lines are most effective in creating a glum and hopeless mood. The only jarring bit is the final couplet, as the offered hope is not strong enough to counteract the gloom of the poem. The talent is exquisite, yet this particular poem does not sting deeply with its message. I cannot tell whether it was meant to sting.

Falcon2001 Page Posts: 116 (11/20/01 4:45:16 pm) Reply The Burning Times -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Heh, remember the deal, Zadown! Heeheehee... Anyway, I really liked this story. The perspective is unique and(from my personal experience), rather hard to work well with, but you did wonderfully! I liked the humor, the demons, the conflict! The only thing I saw as weak was the ending, which kinda dropped fast...Well, I'll type more, but this is WONDERFUL! Fully reccomend that you get it published! Cioden Darkeye Page of The Mighty Pen Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 102 (11/14/01 7:09:26 pm) Reply Re: Dreamer Interlude II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yay! Planeswalkery goodness!

Zadown Bard Posts: 149 (11/14/01 12:15:45 pm) Reply Re: Dreamer Interlude II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hmm.. I guess that means I have to write more? 2-3 parts left after the one I just completed, I guess. Stay tuned.

gwaihir1 Poet Posts: 42 (11/14/01 5:57:46 am) Reply Dreamer Interlude II -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't usually start comments about nonpoem threads, but wow. This is really good. *sits listening entranced*

DoctorEvil65 Weenie Awardee Posts: 52 (11/14/01 9:40:33 am) Reply Wyvern, a moment please -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This post is a true classic.....The interplay between the characters really makes the reader stop and say, "Ah, yes.....". Note the way the writers draw us into the situation with their complex dialogue and vivid descriptions of the situation. It's as if you were actually there. You can feel the tension in each word as the writers struggle to contain their anger and happiness and sadness and bewilderment and so forth and so on. This is the kind of posting we should all be striving for Sincerely, DoctorEvil

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 368 (11/8/01 5:35:21 am) Reply Dreamer Interlude -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Powerless? Facing Chaos? I can hardly wait to find out what happens next. Good edge-of-the-chair reading.

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 91 (10/30/01 11:02:08 pm) Reply Re: Magic Potions -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Gyr laughs* Hey, they took out a Troll on it, so I'd say it works pretty good! Gyrfalcon wonders if these kids will ever figure out that their magical potion is alcholic... Does Smyrnov have many Dwarvern followers? He sounds like their kind of deity. =) (Holy Water = alcholic)

peredhil31 Elder of Lists and Manners Posts: 349 (10/30/01 6:49:37 am) Reply Magic Potions -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That was a strange situation. Father O'Callehan was a priest of Smyrnov, and a very very good one. His Create Irish Whiskey was a rather all purpose miracle prayer. After he and the Deacon completed the Bobsled Run over at the Lake Ruins, They managed to acquire a silver chalice that, although they didn't know it, amplified all the properties of the Irish Whiskey Father O'C was making. His Whiskey became famous for many things healing, curing poison, and others. One of the most impressive to those in the know was its ability to get a Troll drunk off his butt. But that's another story.

Jechum LoreMaster Posts: 144 (10/30/01 2:24:19 am) Reply Re: Kendall Cotton (FARS except) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ahm, Me too! Me too! Jechum Newbie, Mage of Shadows the Pen is Mightier than the Sword - Lore Master

Gyrfalcon25 Bard Posts: 89 (10/29/01 9:53:44 pm) Reply Kendall Cotton (FARS except) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WAHOO! More! (in fact, I'd like to try playing this... *Gyrfalcon laughs at the 'magic' potions. =) )

gwaihir1 Quill-Bearer Posts: 33 (10/30/01 10:16:51 am) Reply Re: Disgruntled -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I meant the title to be Disgruntled not Disgruntled by Myth, but I just want to thank all you people for the cheering comments.

Zadown Bard Posts: 134 (10/30/01 7:17:19 am) Reply Disgruntled by Myth -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I could almost see the (false) face of a spy, who has been doing black ops for years and years without any public recognition and who is starting to get bitter... nice one.