Xaious, Master of Time Posted July 30, 2003 Report Share Posted July 30, 2003 (This is a poem being rewritten by me from a song my friend wrote, but likely forgot, as I just located it today.) America's the disease, spread far and wide. Taking over with ease, over all human kind. We make brainless masses, Teach over kids in classes, America is the winning team. Spread the American dream. Kill in the name of your god. Control for your team, Because America is your god. Bullets flying overhead, Bomb destroy the innocent. People die, the dream is spread, Teach your enemies to repent. Spreading false freedom with an iron fist. We'll kill'em all, let them come, Because America's bullets never miss. Spread the American dream. Kill in the name of your god. Control for your team, Because America is your god. The bombs drop, The bullets fly. America stands above it all, a gun in hand. Spread our freedom to be opressed to every man and woman. We do not fear evil, Because we are evil ourselves. Now Raise your gun high, And Shoot for America. Spread the American dream. Kill in the name of your god. Control for your team, Because America is your god. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mira Posted July 30, 2003 Report Share Posted July 30, 2003 I see your friend only tells it like it is. However, I am disappointed to see no mention of the spread of our gluttonous capitalist faith. Despite that lacking, good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vincent Silver Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 I worte the oringal versin of that song...I didn't post it because it's a touchy subject. But here is an example of some of the stupidity of America http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopi...pic.php?t=57459 I'm not anti-American,I just saying the system has problems... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoaringIcarus Posted August 1, 2003 Report Share Posted August 1, 2003 Greetings, Xaious, Master of Thyme (kidding!) Despite my slight disagreement with a few of the messages, I think this has lots of potential to be a song. I can tell what your message is in the line "Teach over kids in classes", that the teachers would teach down to them, not on any similar kind of level, but I feel flow is a bit interrupted. Perhaps in stanza three, you mean to say "Bombs destroy the innocent."? And maybe at the end of that stanza, "American bullets never miss" instead? Just a thought. The last few lines are a bit unclear to me. America is refered to as 'our god', and then the line "Control for your team" is a little confusing. It's misleading to refer to America first as a god, and then as our team. If anything, rising action might be what you want here. Keep writing. -Icarus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xaious, Master of Time Posted August 2, 2003 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2003 Yes, this would make a nice song. "Control for your team" is refering that Americans, your team, is working for the "god" America. In Stanza three, now that you mention it, yes, that is how i should have typed it, I acknowledge it should be bombs. good point for the American Bullets, except that other countries are likely to use American made bullets. And I have great doubts that America would want them to hit, say, when they're being used against us. And I wouldn't mind controlling aromatic shrubs, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted August 31, 2003 Report Share Posted August 31, 2003 I was very impressed with this work! I think it really hit the nail on the head with regard to America's foreign policy in the World today and for all intents and purposes - the social engineering that commonly takes young American minds and twists them to believe that a World does not exist outisde of the "great country". It is rare to hear a voice from within the USA who can have such an objective and critical view of whats going on. I tip my hat to you sir. With regard to Vincent's link I would only say that all countries are or have been stupid in many ways throughout their history. The problem with the general thought processes of many Americans is that they cannot see their own mistakes objectively. This poem highlites the wrongs of a nation but reflects for me more upon the ability of the author to take a step back and not look for arguments as to why certain things appear necessary. A difficult subject which in my opinion the auther tackled with finesse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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