smallscale_mind_games Posted May 23, 2003 Report Share Posted May 23, 2003 Hair dye running down a kitchen sink Immortality 'til death And time is pink We know you're searching for the missing link But it looks much different than what you think Role-played games and computer nerds Hate the sound of a calling bird Love of a softly spoken word We know you listen for the missing link But it feels much different than what you've heard End of day, five-o-clock rush Kitten running into a bush Fiction stories and angsty mush A soft-scaled dragon whispers "hush" We know you quest for the missing link But the texture's different than you've touched Velvet curtains painted red Draping over the marriage bed The fallen ones wish they were dead We know you call for the missing link But it's pronounced much different than what you've said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tattered Posted May 23, 2003 Report Share Posted May 23, 2003 That was so unique. What an interesting way you have. Addicting, give me more. YES I want to scream! yOu Got it what we want and how we expect it to come to us, IS in fact most often, "different than what you think" How precious your thought process is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autumn_sun Posted May 23, 2003 Report Share Posted May 23, 2003 I like it, Merry!! And I laugh at the somewhat inside joke of it all...only it's not an inside joke, but some of the lines are. Yeah...=grins and nods= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sorciere Posted May 24, 2003 Report Share Posted May 24, 2003 I really like the ties on the end of each verse. It makes me think of my own quest for the missing link and all the weird places I've tried to find it, not knowing exactly what 'it' is. Lovely poem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted May 24, 2003 Report Share Posted May 24, 2003 This is very unique! One thing I might point out is this. Your form was really fun, you rhymed the last word of every sentence, accept the second to last which was always about "the link". I think this is great. You strayed from that in the first stanza. Hair dye running down a kitchen sink Immortality 'til death And time is pink We know you're searching for the missing link But it looks much different than what you think The second line, Immortality 'til death doesn't follow the unique flow of the rest of your stanza's as the word death doesn't follow your chosen rhyme pattern. Because this is in your first stanza, it made me slow to catch onto your very creative form at first. :0) Anyway, I'm a newbie poet, so I don't know as much as the next, but I sure like it when people take the time to point out their thoughts of critique to me, so I wanted to do the same when I can. :0) I like this peice, and think it's very unique and creative! I really pay attention to form now that I'm trying to learn it. I like that you used a form not commonly used! Thank you for sharing! ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted May 25, 2003 Report Share Posted May 25, 2003 I found this style of writing very refreshing! *Hugs* This was definitely my favourite of the week!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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