smallscale_mind_games Posted May 7, 2003 Report Share Posted May 7, 2003 I saw once a rainstorm wild in its glory like poetry in free-form such a different story A roaring path pounds through the air A kind of wrath unclouded there A writhing horror proud and strong a rainstorms fury is like a song It's pretty crappy...just a first draft, but I HAD to write something. I love thunderstorms so much. I had trouble putting it into words. ANy advice? Oh please let the electricity stay on... gonna run outside and watch now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted May 8, 2003 Report Share Posted May 8, 2003 Actually, this is an *excellent* place to start. You do have some very good elements here, good insights to work with. wild in its glory A kind of wrath unclouded there andA writhing horrorEach are very vivid and penetratingly perceptive (forgive the alliteration) phrases which give the reader a glimpse of what you're seeing. In this, your aim is already partially accomplished. Where to take it from here? What do you want to communicate? The awesome fearful beauty in a visual sense? What you felt as you watched it? What it sounded like? You *can* go anywhere with it, but it looks like you haven't really decided which way to go yet. Again, this is a respectable beginning. Also, kudos for seizing the words and thoughts before they escaped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kandara Posted May 8, 2003 Report Share Posted May 8, 2003 I really like it, it got a nice flow and imagery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted May 8, 2003 Report Share Posted May 8, 2003 I really liked this. I recently posted my very first attempt at imagery. I think this is my favorite poem by you so far!!! Well done, and thank you for sharing. :0) I especially liked the last two lines. :0) ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psimon Posted May 8, 2003 Report Share Posted May 8, 2003 Not "crappy" at all!! An excellent piece Suggestions?? I'm a fan of rhythm (and storms) myself, so I have added some ideas (in bold). These are only some suggestions, so please dump them like yesterday's sweaty socks if they don't fit what you had in mind... I saw once a rainstorm wild in all its glory like poetry in free-form such a different story A roaring path pounding through the air A kind of wrath lies unclouded there A writhing horror proud and strong a rainstorms fury ... like a song (or perhaps : "Nature's song" for the last line?) Again, a VERY cool work. Well done! Makes me wish we had a storm here now so I could watch... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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