whynotsin Posted March 16, 2003 Report Share Posted March 16, 2003 Arrogant youth Two Warriors standing, facing each other. Their hands curled around the handles of their blades, Droplets of sweat form on their faces One an aged warrior, Seasoned in the art of battle, Wise and true is his blade. The other a wild and untamed youth. Still fresh from his mother’s womb, His blade glistens in the sun. The elder blade is dull and scratched, As proof of its many victories. The handle worn down by years of intense battle. The juvenile blade bright and new, Only a few battles had it seen, Not enough to face such a seasoned blade. The youth attacks first quick and true are his blows Calm and cautions is the Elder man blocking every attack with tiny thrusts. Then comes the elders mans blows, steady and precise are they. First blood he draws. His ego bruised the youth comes back with an intense blow That throws the elder man of. Just in time he deflects a direct blow. The elder man decides to end it quick. To let all know the dangers of arrogant youth With a quick and true thrust The elder man ends the charging youth, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Silverblade Posted March 16, 2003 Report Share Posted March 16, 2003 Great poem, whynotsin. Abstract poetry is good, but there is certainly something to be said for a poem that tells a story. I enjoyed this one very much. Also, it also offers interesting insight to the relationship between youth and age. Much more than just a story, I think. Thanks for sharing. - Justin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethics Gradient Posted March 17, 2003 Report Share Posted March 17, 2003 Wow, I think this is the first poem about a sword fight I've seen. Like Justin said, not all poetry needs to be abstract. This started me thinking about a struggle between youthful strength on one side, and age and experience on the other. Age and experience can defeat youth, but in the end youth will win. Only, even in winning youth will inevitably be transformed into aged experience... so who really wins? Thank you for setting my mind in motion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whynotsin Posted March 18, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2003 Age and time allies be they both, Together they laugh at youth, Time will eventually wear him down, And age will carry him to the grave. So in the end the flower shall fade and decay, Making it all the same, In the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethics Gradient Posted March 18, 2003 Report Share Posted March 18, 2003 Hey! Yes, that's it! You turned it into a poem! That's a really neat way of answering. The more time I spend on these boards, the more I find myself wishing I could write poetry too. I shall have to start practising, I think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted April 9, 2003 Report Share Posted April 9, 2003 I really like the story feel to this poem, and the subtle morale that is buried under the words if one chooses to read it in search of a lesson. There are a few things that seem to stand out kind of awkwardly to me, but they might be part of the style of the poem. The repetition of the words elder and youth seem to stumble throughout the poem. Although they are important to distinguish between the two forces at work perhaps there is a better way to tell them apart? For example: The youth attacks first quick and true are his blows Calm and cautions is the Elder man blocking every attack with tiny thrusts. Then comes the elders mans blows, steady and precise are they. First blood he draws. Maybe something more like: The youth attacks first quick and true are his blows Calm and cautions is the elder man, blocking every attack with tiny thrusts. Then comes his set of blows, steady and precise are they. First blood he draws. Just a thought! Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts