Deadly Nightshade Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 Mirror on the wall Tell me what you see I am who I say I am What have I become? My dreams smashed like a wine glass Crush by my own hands Blood drips like wine I bother not to clean it Life goes by I slowly die In a tomb I made myself Is it not lovely? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vlad Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 Another excellent piece of work, and this time the spelling isn't a problem! Again, I recomend thinking about where you end the lines- Although it may be a personal style preference. In the second stanza, the second use of 'wine' seems a bit akward. Other than that, I only see a few little things, which I could explain via PM, if you asked. The important thing, like Peredhil said earlier, is to get it written down. You can tweak it later. I especially like the last line. It struck a nerve with me, because of events that recently transpired in RL for me. I am a firm believer that there is more beauty in small things than anything else in the world. That, and I just adore irony, when used appropriately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadly Nightshade Posted March 2, 2003 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 Do ever stop criticizing my work, I love how you do that. Thank you b/c I know I am not the best writing and no I have not been doing it for long ... and its helping me improve my skills, if any, so thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archaneus Posted March 2, 2003 Report Share Posted March 2, 2003 I don't have any wonderful critiquing to do, but I can say I enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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