Blondemoon Posted January 23, 2003 Report Share Posted January 23, 2003 (edited) will you ever hear my lonely cry will you ever touch my lonely mind inside I feel so hollow merely an empty shell feeling half alive this is simply hell now I look around and I wonder with my inner turmoil what it is that keeps me here sometimes at night as I ready for bed taking the pills that keep the pain from my head I suddenly stop and find myself thinking of what it would take to sever the thread. I actually wrote a little more to it last night, but I'm venot happy with it. It doesn't really fit. I think I lost my steam. Edited January 23, 2003 by Blondemoon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted January 23, 2003 Report Share Posted January 23, 2003 taking the pills that keeps pain from my head Should that be keeps? or keep? Ive never been good with grammer. Good poem, I think it ends alright if you do not feel comfortable adding the rest..although you could post it, we wont bite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degenero Angelus Posted January 23, 2003 Report Share Posted January 23, 2003 It depends on what the 'that' is. If it's the action of taking the pills, it's keeps, if it's the pills, it's keep. Very good stuff, Blondemoon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondemoon Posted January 23, 2003 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2003 hmmm...good question. since I've added the 'the' that I was thinking about, I'm not sure if it would be keeps or keep. so many years since I've had to think about grammar. And I'll ponder on posting the rest of it. I know you all (yes, I said you all ) don't bite...although I do wonder about some of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degenero Angelus Posted January 23, 2003 Report Share Posted January 23, 2003 Hey now. You've known me long enough to know I bite at every opportunity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rune Posted January 24, 2003 Report Share Posted January 24, 2003 (edited) seems like it would be.. taking the pill, that keeps pain from my head... or taking the pills, that keep pain from my head... granted ive always been horrible at [edit]er grammer, not english..i should be ok at english considering its what i speak[/edit] Edited January 24, 2003 by Rune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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