Guest Signe Green Posted February 14, 2002 Report Share Posted February 14, 2002 Immerse myself in you and drink you up then cast you off and move onto the next each drink each drought each soul drank every drop it's mate in me consumed and me bereft that which should bring me light brings me but dark that which should fill me up burns me away a hollow vessel drained without a mark oblivion of night spun out of day the surface growing thin before it breaks light passing through throws truth into relief death of the blank facade that hid the ache and cognizance of causing others grief the shattered pieces fall and some are lost a vain attempt to pay the heavy cost Signe's HomepageEdited by: Signe Green at: 2/14/02 9:51:37 pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted February 15, 2002 Report Share Posted February 15, 2002 *Gyr applauds* I like it a lot! While it doesn't rhyme strictly on the page (up and drop, next and bereft, rather then lest and best, blade and glade) When it is spoken out loud, the words flow smoothly through the poem. I also like the use of repetition within the lines. "each drink each drought each soul drank every drop" just strikes me as particuarly powerful. I also love how each line gives an image... I can see the shattered surface of that fascade, the hollow vessal going through the motions of life... *Gyr applauds again* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhurin Posted February 15, 2002 Report Share Posted February 15, 2002 Bhurin's mouth drops. Dear sweet mother of pearl! A sonnet! Do my worn eyes deceive me? I do believe I have here, before me, a genuine sonnet! Most difficult and prestigious of the poetic forms! Rushes over and kisses Signe's hand. My dear, you do not know how much this means to me! Sonnets are SO difficult to write, and they hold a special place in my heart. As well, this one was excellantly done (AKA forget the style for a moment, look at the content!). Wickedly dark, my dear. I believe it's a social comment, though perhaps too specific for my untraveled mind. It's strange, but I don't feel a hopelessness here, but something equally befalling. Depression perhaps? Fhew... You invoke complex emotions with your words, my dear. Thank you very much for this one. Well done. Signed- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Signe Green Posted February 15, 2002 Report Share Posted February 15, 2002 *smiles* sonnets are my favourite... anything else I write is a departure from the norm for me, because I used to write nothing else. I'm immensely flattered by your kind words, both of you, thank you. Signe's Homepage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Brute3 Posted February 15, 2002 Report Share Posted February 15, 2002 Very well done! I enjoyed the reading. AS I mentioned earlier*, for me, poetry and such is like a child viewing a stained-glass window; Admiring the myriad of colors and in awe of it's encompassing beauty, but at a complete loss to fathom the means of construction. Brute O Drunken One Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted February 16, 2002 Report Share Posted February 16, 2002 A very evocative poem of images dealing with the parasitic nature of the narrator, and the ultimate sense of guilt and regret which comes with his viewing of the light of day... Though I had at first envisioned the narrator as a person, perhaps it is not... it could very well signify an emotion or a concept through the uses of personification. A line that may be particularly hinting towards this is when the person/thing is depicted as "a hollow vessel drained without a mark". A souless entity of some sort... Very well written and certainly thought provoking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted February 16, 2002 Report Share Posted February 16, 2002 I'd read this before and enjoy it, but rereading it and the comments, I read it aloud. Quite haunted. Bravo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon2001 Posted February 20, 2002 Report Share Posted February 20, 2002 *Falcon scrambles around trying to apologize, and ends up flat on his face in front of Signe* I'm sorry I'm sorry, I have no clue how this one slipped by me...grr...bad computer. Anyway, good grief you're a wonderful poet...err...poetess...err...whatever. Whatever it is, you're amazing at it, like really really really really really good...hmm...is it potatoess? Or Potatoe...hmm... *Falcon walks off mumbling to himself, determined to solve the riddle once and for all.* *A few seconds later, he hits his head on a low doorway, passes out, and forgets the entire thing* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 22, 2002 Report Share Posted February 22, 2002 A very compassionate and truthful sonnet. Good work. ~Zool~ Ancient, The Pen is Mightier than the Sword. Bard of Terra, Patron Saint of Aspiring Bards. Elder than dirt, more foolish than a jester, able to trip over the smallest logic in a single step. It's... Oh, you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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