Gwaihir Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 To My Twin They glanced at us-We seemed the same. We looked and dressed and played the same, The same interests, the same buddies, And hell!, even the same haircuts. We looked at us-we were the same. Later, in school, in our classes, My toughest rival, closest friend. No one could beat The Twins in math. Always the same, always allies. Together, we'd have fought the world And dammit bro, we woulda won! We never knew ‘myself’ from ‘you’, Because we never needed to. When they said you, and looked at me We knew they meant you too. Of course! But now I stand, cold and lonely Yet still I think these thoughts to you, There’s no one else who’s me. I’ve never lived without ya twin, So hard to be just half myself. Now you've left fighting, grasping For 'I' when all I know is 'we'. I don't think this is quite right yet, but I'm having trouble fixing. Any criticisms are highly welcomed. "I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark Edited by: gwaihir1 at: 2/5/02 12:55:58 pm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 *Gyr applauds* I like it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 I like it. I'll try to reread it more critically when I have a chance. I always enjoy poems about womb-mates... -P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest excedrin Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 i like it, but then again i told you that already when you had me look it over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhurin Posted February 4, 2002 Report Share Posted February 4, 2002 Bhurin frowns, a subtle expression of sadness coming to his eyes. It is an excellant poem my friend, and I, too, shall have to get back to you are far as critiquing goes. It's an unfair play on emotions, however. A set up so merry, then a quick fall. The idea is mournful, but the execution both articulate and well done. Thank you. Signed- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon2001 Posted February 5, 2002 Report Share Posted February 5, 2002 Regrettably enough, my posting of critiques and compliments as of late has been sporadic at best, but I am now attempting to make up for some of my error. But anyway, great poem, Gwaihir! I don't see you often enough on #thepen to talk to you, but keep up the good work. (Of course, you ARE a bard if I remember correctly. Of course your work is good.) Cioden Darkeye Quill-Bearer - The Pen is Mightier than the Sword President of the Peredhil Fan Club Owner of the Reply Raven - Enemy to all those who never post responses Ashaman - WoT - Blitz II Council - The Hunters - Blitz II Leisure Officer - SFV Ultima - Beta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted February 5, 2002 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2002 not a bard, but I'm on #thepen pretty often. I think we have different times though. ---------- I want to be page 93 of Pineapples, the Avian Crows-Nyyark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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