Tralla Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 "Death of a Whisper" Whisper. Anxious voices Tittered fright Skirting shadows Restless night Whimper. Darkened corner Bolted room Beacon snuffed Herald doom Scream. Viper reflex Pounding knells Fading daze Regret swells Whisper. Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep And if I die before I wake And if I die before I wake And if I - Tralla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 *Gyr applauds* Except for the ending, it feels like when I was younger, and it was dark, and shapes moved in the depths of my room, and I knew, just knew that they would get me if I left my bed... Very nice. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Foe Calibur Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 Very well done... Foe smiles I love the ending... very dramatic. Too true Peredhil, the monsters, though never there, always found a way to be present, when the presence of others was all but nigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 *Gyr pokes* Unless Peredhil had a post that he later deleted, yer either addressing Tralla or meself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Foe Calibur Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 Foe scratches his head Oops! It must have been you Gyrfalcon... sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhurin Posted January 18, 2002 Report Share Posted January 18, 2002 I know this sounds very cliche', but your poem feels very much like work by T.S. Eliot. Very "Hollowmen-esque". I think that might have been the effect you were going for. (Though if I've guessed wrong, my apologies). The poem is excellant, and very emotionally charged. You pack many fears into few words. I saw my entire childhood pass before my eyes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tralla Posted January 22, 2002 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2002 It's interesting that you all mention childhood, because I didn't even think of it. Childhood is kind of like a beginning to me, but this seemed more directed at an end, whether it be in adolescence, adulthood, or old age. LoL and a good eye on the Hollow Men... it's one of the poems I'd read lately, so it probably did influence it, a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted February 6, 2002 Report Share Posted February 6, 2002 Peredhil frowns as he reads the too-well written poem, but laughs as he sees agreement to the post he's yet to write. I suppose it's because of the confessions I've been hearing, and the support I've tried to lend, but this reminds me of a child caught in an abusive trap. The abuser too often expresses regret - after the fact and in retreat, while too often the child can't get past the short-sighted (hopeful?) escape implicit in the first part of the refrain, If I die before I wake... Some wounds take years to scar, if ever they do. -Peredhil (who sometimes tries to be strong so the weak can find strength, but knows his limitations as a counselor.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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