The Portrait of Zool Posted October 15, 2002 Report Share Posted October 15, 2002 Zool quickly reads through the list of 2002 roll call participants presented by Elder Gwaihir, then gasps as an unexpected realization hits him. Closing his eyes he smacks his painted hand onto his painted head in exasperation. The sound, like most of Zool's manifestations, is quite dry. "I CAN'T believe it!" he says. Opening his eyes again he turns to the curious Gwai. "You have marked me as a participant! Do you realize the sum total of my participation is one period! That's outrageous! You can't let me do that. I demand weenie status right now!" Gwai regards the outraged painting with a good measure of bewilderment. "You... what?" she asks again, not quite sure if she heard him right. "Weenie status, of course!" he says. "The rule is to continue the story. I hardly think one period counts as 'continuing the story' now, do you?" ~Zool~ King of Nothing, Lord of Nobody, but thoroughly in charge of how I feel about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rhapsody Posted October 15, 2002 Report Share Posted October 15, 2002 Did I just miss something here or did Zool just slap himself with the Weenie award? And b/c I'm a newbie, you're gonna have to explain this painting thing to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted October 15, 2002 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2002 Go here, my good man; A Picture of Zool for a description of my odd 'condition' - and you're closer than you realise with your accusation. ~Zool~ King of Nothing, Lord of Nobody, but thoroughly in charge of how I feel about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted October 15, 2002 Report Share Posted October 15, 2002 Absolutely correct. Adjusted. I look forward to your post to lose Weenie status. As a reminder, the only way to lose the Weenie Title is to post an original work with the word "Weenie" in the subject line. -Peredhil, Ancient of the Pen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted October 16, 2002 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2002 (In moving boards, a post jumped. Go down to Yui-chan's post, THEN come back to this post and Peredhil's immediately following post.) "Yeah," said Zool, his eyes focusing on some far horizon. "That's true, isn't it? Within the simple period is perfection, encompassing all works ever and all works yet to be - it could be the perfect literary work!" He stood tall as Yui slipped back into the shadows, grand notions of literary transcendance buzzing in his head. He smiled broadly, hands on hips, his long red cape billowing heroically behind him, his tall red boots and blue leotard with a large red 'W' emblazoned across his chest proud symbols of truth, justice, and Weenie status. "What the..." Realizing something was amiss, Zool looked down at his portraiture and took in the bold state of his costume. "Blob! What are you doing?" The scene suddenly shimmered and oozed, the mountaintop set and bright costume flowing down into a blob of irregular shape and color in the foreground, a distinct chuckle burbling up from it. Zool was about to further reprimand the strange creature when he noticed his surroundings had indeed changed. The portrait of Zool no longer showed his regal form in front of the ruins of an ancient keep in a quiet forest glade, now he appeared to be in a deep underground cavern. Fire spewed from fissures in the rock, and a thin haze of smoke hung in the air around him. "What the... heck?" he exclaimed, sitting down in bewilderment on a nearby stone. "What's this?" Just then Peredhil walked around the corner in front of Zool's painting. He was dressed impeccably as always, this time in a suit bright red to match the scene. Also, he was sporting a rather sharp goatee and thin black mustache, a combination with the suit that made him look not quite but sort of... well, inmistakably really... demonic. "Zool, my friend," began Peredhil with a polite smile, "This is what you wanted. You have asked, and we have obliged." Zool's mouth was slack, but his eyes pointedly explored the roof of his strange new habitat. "Interesting, isn't it?" said Peredhil, looking up into the oil paint rendered scene. "We've never put someone of your... err, condition, in Weenie status before. There simply was no telling what the side effects would be on any other enchantments you might currently be under, if we had thought to ask. Sorry. Rather fascinating though, how your portrait reacted, don't you think?" Zool still said nothing, simply looked at Peredhil "Oh, you'll get used to it," said Peredhil, this time grinning. "Besides, I'm sure you will be out of here in no time." "Uh, no time is like, NO time. Just this time is some time..." "Now, Zool, calm down. Surely you realized what you were asking for when you asked for Weenie status?" "I'm in hell, Peredhil. I'M IN HELL!" "Now now," clucked Peredhil in sympathy. "Get hold of yourself! You're not in hell, you're under the enchantment of the Weenie - and you ASKED for it!" Zool slapped his hand onto his forhead. "I KNEW there was a reason no one else wanted Weenie status..." Zool rushed up to the foreground of his painting until his face filled the entire 3 meter tall frame, his giant eyes flashing from side to side. "Yui! Where are you Yui! Anybody, GET ME OUTTA HERRRE!" "Tsk tsk," said Peredhil simply at Zool's panic. Yui raises a very good point - I would simply LOVE to involve her in FARS - however I'm afraid it's too late. The decision has already been made, the status, conferred." Zool collected himself, slowly walking back until he was his normal size. Then his face brightened. "I can get Blob to mask the scene - I don't have to do anything - it's all just appearences anyway!" "Hm... well, yes and no," said Peredhil with regret in his voice. "I supose IF you could talk Blob into masking the effect of the Weenie 24 hours a day... But there are other things to consider, and you simply cannot mask the fact that you are Weenie status. Even if you could make it appear you weren't, you would - it is a matter of Pen record and common knowledge. Also, there are other effects of the Weenie enchantment..." Zool stopped smiling. "Like what?" "Well, I'm afraid you can only eat weenies, for one. On the plus side though, you can eat all the condiments you want and you'll still stay thin!" Zool groaned. Things were not looking good... "Listen," said Peredhil, "As I said, all you have to do is tell us a tale with "Weenie" in the title - that's not so hard, is it?" "Augh! But writing is so hard! It's WORK!" A tear made it's way down his face and his lower lip quivered. "Buck up man. You can do it," said Peredhil firmly. "Do you think so?" "Of course." Zool sat down heavily on his rock again, not noticing as Peredhil slipped away, to some other proctoring task no doubt. Zool thought long and hard, and as he did so he put a Weenie on a stick and held it over a nearby flame. "How was he going to do it?" he wondered. It all seemed so huge. He knew now that he must embark on a quest, a quest to write a story with "Weenie" in the title, and to rid himself of the Weenie enchantment forever. ~Zool~ King of Nothing, Lord of Nobody, but thoroughly in charge of how I feel about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted October 16, 2002 Report Share Posted October 16, 2002 And reads Yui-chan's incredible post. With a happy sigh, he sits back. How can writing get better than THAT rapier post? He wonders. And then he notices Zool has posted below it. Quickly he is drawn into the story, the magnificent scene. Ack! Literally HE'S DRAWN INTO THE STORY! Looking with dismay at his Calvin Klein crimson suit and his Gucci genuine Demon Leather wingtip shoes, he realizes he's once again underestimated the Bardic abilities of Zool. Oh Dear, He murmurs with dawning horror Zool's Painting reflects the collective creative conscious of the Pen, just as he's the Patron of inspiring and aspiring fledgling Bards. Slipping away to ponder the implications of all this, he wonders where it will all end... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yui-chan Posted October 17, 2002 Report Share Posted October 17, 2002 As he sits quietly in his two-dimensional world, pondering the weight of the title that hangs heavily on his neck, a familiar figure slips silently from the darkness of the hall, gliding into the light that streaks his painted surface. Elder Zool, I find your modesty inspiring and tragic at once. That single dot, in all its perfect pixel-driven symmetry, inspired visions of the very infinite reaches of the universe, encompassing all that was, is, and will be in a moment far more eloquent than the longest soliloquey in the most expressive of tongues. And yet you claim that you wrote nothing? You hide the fact that your great wisdom and untempered biting sword of brightest evil laid out for all the unwashed masses the greatest mysteries of the multiverse? Are our peers so blinded by convention that they do not see what generous secrets you have laid out before them? I cannot believe it, for truly, your period did amaze me. In the midst of madness, a moment of perfect clarity, immutable sanity, infinite tranquility. I came near to weeping at the beauty of your inspiration. Thus I do in vain protest your self-depreciating denunciation of your own genius. You cannot be worthy of the Weenie award, for the Weenie award is not worthy of you. It is as far below you as I am, a mere shadow to a glorious and wise Elder. May its colors tarnish and the oil-paints of its presence about your exalted neck feel the vicious bite of turpentine justice. The Dot was brilliance, St. Zool, and let none convince you otherwise... She bows low before the sunlit Elder-painting and steps back to fade sadly into the shadows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DoctorEvil65 Posted October 31, 2002 Report Share Posted October 31, 2002 The Doctor thought that the Doctor had decreed that THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE bearer of the weenie award.......and it's the Doctor!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts