Called home

[jonadine]

It seemed too “un doctor-like” to say;

“Her spirit has fled”

So instead we offered to withdraw care

To stop the drip-dripping of the drugs

That were flogging her to keep going.

 

We knew she was already gone

Having seen so much death,

As physicians we offer facts perhaps devoid of truth

Her blood pressure is too low

Her heart rate too slow

 

You told me it sounded like

we were ready to give up

That you were praying for the miracle

That God would take her When He was ready

And not before

 

What we knew and had not words to say:

No battles left, the war lost,

God-given free will in the form of

Almighty Medicine

Keeping her tethered to the earth

 

To you perhaps she looked as if

She was fighting for her life gasping for breath

And it hurt you too much to let go

While she was laboring so hard

To deliver her soul

 

What you saw was the struggle to quit

Against the force of Medicine

Keeping her breathing, her heart beating

Blood sluggishly pumping

Against its will

 

I wanted to say “He has called her home”

But the role of doctor had me

wrapped up too tight

And you kept your vigil

Until she won the fight

[Appy]

wauw

[reverie]

Okay, very personal poem seems like, so I'll just with help the grammar / punctuation and such. I don't know, maybe you're just not into commons, but I highlighted a few places where you could put them if you like.

 

Also, very relavent poem for our time. Thanks for taking it on. As a student of Chinese medicine, I hear stories like this all the time.

 

 

 

 

It seemed too “un-doctor-like” to say; (maybe add hypen)

“Her spirit has fled,” (add common at end)

So instead we offered to withdraw care (add common at end)

To stop the drip-dripping of the drugs

That were flogging her to keep going. (flogging, flogging, flogging...hmm, how about dogging).

 

We knew she was already gone (add common at end)

Having seen so much death,

As physicians, we offer facts, perhaps devoid of truth: (common, common, colon)

Her blood pressure is too low, (common)

Her heart rate too slow. (period)

 

You told me it sounded like

we were ready to give up, (common maybe)

That you were praying for the miracle, (maybe common)

That And God would take her, "When He was ready,

And not before."

 

What we knew and had not words to say:

No battles left, the war lost,

God-given free will in the form of, the Almighty Medicine

Keeping her tethered to the earth

 

To you perhaps she looked as if

She was fighting for her life, gasping for breath (common)

And it hurt you too much to let go, (common)

While she was laboring so hard

To deliver her soul herself up.

 

What you saw was the struggle to quit, (common maybe)

Against the force of Medicine: (colon / common / semi-colon)

Keeping her breathing, her heart (line rearrange tweak)

beating blood sluggishly pumping against its will. (period)

 

I wanted to say “He has called her home,” (common)

But the role of doctor had me, wrapped up too tight (changing stanza link will recall an ending envoy of a more formal poem)

And you kept your vigil, until she won the fight. (add period, but good ending)

Edited November 23, 2012 by reverie