Snypiuer Posted March 18, 2011 Report Share Posted March 18, 2011 I had another post of Stupid things I've done, where I mentioned an incident that led to a week long beating. That incident fits better here, as something Bad I've done. Although MANY things I've done are both. Anyways, anyone can unburden themselves here and rest assured that it will be held in the strictest of confidence. STILL, I wouldn't confess to ANYTHING that may or may not be considered an actual crime. You: Pray tell, what do you mean Uncle Snypiuer? Snypiuer: Well, here's a hypothetical situation that your Uncle Snypiuer would NEVER admit to: Let's say that an individual was in a Third World country where he and an associate STARTED a day of drunken debauchery, at around 10:30 AM (yes, that would be AM), which included, well over: $40 apiece in .50 cent Tequila shots, $30 apiece in $1 buckets of Corona and an unknown amount for various other alcoholic beverages - suffice it to say, several hundreds of dollars each, may or may not have been spent by the HYPOTHETICAL individual and his associate. THEN, at some point in this HIGHLY ill advised hypothetical outing (approximately 3 or 4 AM the NEXT morning), the associate of the individual in question INSISTS on going to see his 'Girlfriend' that lives in this Third World country. Said individual sees nothing wrong with his associates' desire to visit his true love and therefore DRIVES him to see her. While blindly speeding through narrow, deserted streets, the associate (at the last second) says, "Turn here!" and points left. The idiot driving does so and, as he makes the turn, catches a blurry glimpse of a disheveled figure out of the corner of his eye, then hears a thump, followed by a scream. The individual driving shouts, "What the h*** was that?!" and the associate responds, "An old man pushing a cart!" To which, the driver of the vehicle says, "Time to get back to the U.S.!" You (Wide eyed and slack jawed): Ughhhh. . . that's KIND of specific and DETAILED for a 'Hypothetical' situation. . . Snypiuer: Just so that I can FULLY illustrate to you what one should NEVER admit to. You: Did you run ov. . . Snypiuer (abruptly cutting in): It was a hypothetical situation in which it was most likely just the cart that was run over! You: Really? Snypiuer: Well. . . yeah! Either way, THAT is the kind of situation one should NEVER admit to here. Now that we understand what SHOULDN'T be confessed to here, let me say that I thought of posting this because of an incident that happened yesterday: Your Uncle Snypiuer went to Wally World (Walmart) and, on the way out, stopped to play the claw machine (your Uncle Snypiuers' 7 year old niece likes those little rubber bands shaped like animals and stuff and the machine was full of bags of them - and your Uncle Snypiuer ALWAYS keeps little goodies on hand for his niece!). Thing is, there was some kid there (about 4 years old) doing his best to break the machine. He had put in one quarter and (as he violently yanked on the joy stick and beat the buttons on the machine) I told him he needed to ask his parents (who were at the DVD rental machine and oblivious to their child's destructive actions) for another quarter. He ran to his dad and his father absent mindedly reached in his pocket and handed the kid a quarter. Kid ran back, put in said quarter, violently yanked on the joy stick and beat buttons until the claw dropped on nothing. Kid kept up his assault on the machine until I asked him if I could play. Kid ran away and as I pulled out a dollar and was about to insert it in the machine, kid runs back, pushes my hand out of the way and drops ONE quarter in the machine and once again begins his violent assault. After I, ONCE AGAIN, tell the kid he needs another quarter, he runs back to his dad who has run out of quarters. Seeing that the kid was NOT going to be playing anytime soon, I put in my dollar and began to play. THAT'S when the kid runs back, squeezes in between me and the machine, grabs the joy stick and pounds on the buttons so that the claw drops on. . . you guessed it, NOTHING! I laugh and do my best to GENTLY move the kid, but he manages to waste my second play also. His parents, meanwhile, keep searching for a DVD and don't even bother to look over. I get the kid to back-off and I put in another dollar, only to have the kid, ONCE AGAIN, reach in and press the button to drop the claw on nothing. At this point, I tell the kid a bit more sternly to stop pressing the button. That's when his dad, without even looking over, tells him to behave. As I look over at the parents, the kid manages to waste ANOTHER play. So, I'm 2 dollars down and the kid is assaulting the machine again when the mother FINALLY comes over and tells the kid to leave the machine alone. The kid backs-off and your Uncle Snypiuer STUPIDLY believes that, with the mother there, the kid wouldn't reach in and push any buttons. The mother laughs as she 'TRYS' to get her kid to not push the buttons and waste my last dollar - which he does. It was at this moment that I heard a voice. Now, your Uncle Snypiuer is an Atheist (a fact he has mentioned on a few occasions), but he is VERY open minded and accepting of the POSSIBILITY he MAY be wrong - It is moments such as this, that that possibility gains credibility. To be truthful, I can NOT state with ANY amount of certainty whether the voice was ENCOURAGING or ADMONISHING. All I can say is that, whether Demonic or Divine, it was a voice that was not mine and SEEMED to come from all around me. The voice was clear and full as it said, "YOU ARE ABOUT TO PUNCH A 4 YEAR OLD IN THE HEAD!" Now, your Uncle Snypiuer did NOT punch the kid in the head - he WANTED to punch the kid in the head, but he did NOT. Your Uncle Snypiuer DID take pleasure (as well as felt a bit of disappointment) in watching the kid ALMOST get run over when he ran into the parking lot as his father chased after him. It was heart-warming to see he finally HAD to pay attention to what his kid was doing. Another thing your Uncle Snypiuer will NEITHER confirm NOR deny - EVER: Whether or NOT, he was the individual responsible for coaxing the kid out the door in the first place. As I stated, this incident inspired me to confess Bad things I HAVE done. One thing is: Your Uncle Snypiuer uses a wheelchair when going somewhere that will require a LOT of walking (like a mall, park, Costco, etc), due to his Muscular Dystrophy. I can walk around for short periods of time, as long as I can rest frequently or have something to lean on - but I use a wheelchair at malls and such just to be safe. But, I only mention this because kids tend to notice a 6 foot, 280 lb. guy with long hair and full beard in a wheel chair and THAT allows me to do a Bad thing (NOT that! SOME of you REALLY need to get your mind out of the gutter!). This Bad thing? My 7 year old niece LOVES Build A Bear. So, I take her whenever I go to the mall. While there, I wait until a few kids are waiting in line to fill their bears with stuffing (their parents are USUALLY off looking at something else), get close enough for them to take notice of the large, hairy guy in a wheelchair and then have this conversation with my niece - loud enough for the other children to hear: Snypiuer: You know where all that stuffing in the machine comes from? Niece (who has had this conversation with Snypiuer several times and CONTINUES to go along with it!): No. Snypiuer: Well, you see the tubes on top there? Niece: Yeah. Snypiuer: Well, they take ALL the stuffed animals no one wants and put them in there. The machine then chops them ALL UP! Niece: NO! Snypiuer: YES! If you listen REALLL closely, you can hear the poor stuffed animals screaming as they get torn to pieces! Niece: NO! Snypiuer: YES! It's USUALLY about this time I'm asked to leave - ESPECIALLY if some kid starts to cry! O.K.! That's enough for now. I'll add more when I sort out what I CAN confess to! ANYONE who wants to, can add their own Bad thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 *dies laughing* PLOP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Posted March 27, 2011 Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Don't mind me, I'm just a figment of my imagination - and test subject for a skin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mardrax Posted March 30, 2011 Report Share Posted March 30, 2011 You, my friend, are worthy of worship. ;p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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