OxygenPlant Posted October 15, 2009 Report Share Posted October 15, 2009 Standing on this ledges edge I challenge you to test my bitter outlook, To tell me I am wrong for being so, or acting so. Without being told, I already know. For consequence denies me the right to be right. As a stubborn child would, I firmly ground and mark my place. For anything that changes cannot be reality, but lowly I crave this to be real and unchangable. Although I know that today is the tomorrow I created for myself yesterday, (<--- This line makes me gag!! sorry for the cheesyness I hope that the faster I descend, the quicker I will lose responsibility to make tomorrow. Come forth and show me, for I am a fool. Today I am wrong. Tomorrow may change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Death of Rats Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Some things that occuredto me while reading: Love the fact that I was drinkig caramel while reading a poem about irresponsibilty. You labeled the line above it as being hateful; but "for the cheesyness"...? Gwuh?? MAN this poem pulled recklessness and irresponsbility out for me immediately. Well played Sir! Or Ma'am! Or plant...thing...wiht a home computer... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted October 20, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 ~flails leaves~ Pulled recklessness and irresponsibility out of where? I didn't quite understand sorry.... :/ and that line that made me gag - you don't find that so cliche and unappealing? What am I talking about?! Plants have no gag reflex... That line made me wither and turn brown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Death of Rats Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Pulled recklessness and irresponsibility out of where? I didn't quite understand sorry.... :/ Ah. Out of the poem. Extreme impatient feeling, it evokes, to a reckless AND irresponsible level. Rather neatly conveys someone who is/is about to do something very ill-advised, maybe even dangerous. and that line that made me gag - you don't find that so cliche and unappealing? Nope. Other than it's much longer, it flows with the rest (perhaps more lyrically than poetically, but still). Sorry for the cheesyness, however reads like it could be cut out entirely and not interrupt the poem at all. Does *that* line have any deeper meaning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Mmmm - I dig what you're saying. For sure. No deeper meanings there. This is an older poem and I guess I was mildly embarassed about it. I have always chosen to write about things that are negative and I am looking to grow as a writer and write things more positively or with a new perspective and I guess sharing that line felt like I was holding myself back in some way. The poem is sort of about wanting to throw a tantrum and complain that life isn't fair and it's too hard and I dont wanna try anymore and BUY ME SOME CANDY and now carry me cuz my legs are tired. But meanwhile realising that it will get me no where and that I have to stand on my own two feet and keep it together or I will make it worse for myself. Poem is about being bitter about that realisation but looking to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Death of Rats Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 That actually says exactly how it felt- it was heavy on the tantrum aspect, but I wouldn't call that a problem; violence is always more emphatic than peace, no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted October 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 So so true. I like the way you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Death of Rats Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 *piddles on your root* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OxygenPlant Posted October 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 Piddler on the root ~releases poisonous spores~ Breathe deep, my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted October 27, 2009 Report Share Posted October 27, 2009 *snerk* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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