baxter85 Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 The other night I walked along the Rio Grande Beneath the scattered moonlight, and Amongst the suffering heat of summer. Side by side holding Death's shivering hand, I walked Along the Rio Grande. We paced unseen on the caliche road, disturbing not one rock with our strides. His bones cracked and mine were left behind Lying beside the cane in this hellish land Along the Rio Grande. When we came upon an opening On the river bank and stopped to gaze Into the swift flowing current. It's green Water passed, carrying off the sand that rests Along the Rio Grande. It was then he pointed out yonder And I saw others rise from the current, With empty eyes and translucent faces. They ushered me with rotting hands, to leave my place Along the Rio Grande. The fear had overcome me now, I turned and ran, back to my shell beside the cane. This was not how it was suppose to end. This couldn't be my maker's plan, for me to die Along the Rio Grande. I reached my body lying there motionless, Stiff, cold. The blood coagulated In the holes that rittled my chest. I knew there was no return. I was damned Along the Rio Grande. A special fate waits for those Who pass away along this river's banks. I rose and returned to Death, when the fear subsided, Choosing to stand by him Along the Rio Grande. It was time, I was ready To leave all I knew behind and Accept the the fate before And leave the land behind Along the Rio Grande. The others stood with hands outstreached While I entered the river and waded to them. I became like them and joined my place Amongst the damned who rest here Along the Rio Grande. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Preprise Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Interesting. Has re-read value! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Nice poem, Face. :-) While reading it, I could almost envision the dead souls chanting "Along the Rio Grande" as they waded into the river, and I thought the repetition of that line worked well in conveying a tone and feeling of being hopelessly trapped. Out of the imagery of the poem, my personal favorite part was the bit when the narrator notices the others "rise from the current" with their "empty eyes and translucent faces," which made me think of the masses exiting a subway station on their way to work for some reason. I also liked the bone comparison in the second major stanza, and thought it was a cool way of depicting the Grim Reaper's duty. Thanks for sharing this here, Face. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted June 19, 2009 Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Makes me think there is music to make this a song. Good meter and great imagery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baxter85 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2009 Thanks for the feedback guys. Much apprciated. This was the first poem I have wrote in a while and I'm happy that it was recieved so well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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