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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Tanny in Space


Venefyxatu

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Based on two chats (IRC and MSN) ... I hate the writing style but wanted to share nonetheless ...

 

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Excerpt from the Sandport Daily, dated October 21, 2008 (morning edition):

 

According to several residents of Sandport strange events took place in the graveyard last night. After a stranger was spotted entering it, some chanting could be heard. Some of the braver residents went over to investigate, but to their horror they saw the dead rising up from their graves.

 

When asked, one persons stated that, "It was awful. You know - she's been dead for 3 months now, and those were the happiest months of my life. To think that she can just crawl out and come back, it's just ... it's like a nightmare come true."

 

Fortunately, nobody seems to have been hurt - the dead shambled out of the town and have not been seen again. Nobody knows where they went.

 

Excerpt from the Rockport Star, dated October 21, 2008 (evening edition):

 

In what is probably the strangest bank robbery in the history of this nation, exactly 41.160 geld were stolen from the local bank. A little before closing time, a horde of what seemed to be, and later were confirmed to be, corpses, shambled into the bank, led by an old, toothless man dressed in black. These robbers made no effort to conceal their identity as the marched towards the clerk, ignoring the screaming around them, and demanded 41.160 of the shiniest geld coins in the vault.

The elderly man and two of the corpses accompanied the clerk into the vault and counted every last coin himself as it was put into the bag held by the corpses. When all this was done, the group left again. Nobody knows where they went off to, mostly because everyone was too busy screaming, panicking or stocking up on canned food, shotguns and axes.

 

The Recruiter's Office, Mighty Pen

October 21, 2008 (late at night)

 

Two zombies shamble through the corridor towards the office. Woody the Office Door, noticing that they are carrying a full bag, gets curious enough to open for them. The zombies shamble into the office, dump the bag in the middle of it and leave again.

 

To the bag a card is attached, “From Venefyxatu to Wyvern – 41.160 geld as agreed.”

 

Unspecified Location

October 21, 2008 (during the day)

 

Venefyxatu finishes making the final adjustments to a strange device just as Tanuchan enters. As if he'd planned for it, he turns to her without pause and starts tying her to the device with a long, sling-like sash.

Tanuchan, by now used to the sometimes strange ideas the necromancer has, immediately rends the sash into a million pieces and hides somewhere in the room. With a muttered, “I knew I should've gone for the indestructible ones right from the start,” Venefyxatu breaks out a box and opens it. When he notices it's empty, however, he grumbles.

 

“I'll be right back ... don't go anywhere.”

 

Tanuchan, wisely, hides better.

 

When the necromancer returns later on, he is followed by a bunch of zombies shoving a huge, heavy chest. They immediately set to unpacking it and welding its contents together, attaching one end to the strange device.

 

Despite the noise, the sound of scuttling feet can be heard and three skeletons come rushing in, making a heroic dive for the owner of the feet. Unfortunately for one of them, the owner is a Wolf-Lady. The result is that one of the three skeletons is reduced to soup bones. Thanks to this brave sacrifice, however, the other two manage to apprehend Tanuchan and attach her to the chain of what turns out to be a lot of Almost Dragonic Brand Stainless Steel Pillow Casings.

 

When the minions have finished their work and left, Venefyxatu grins proudly.

 

“I promised you yesterday that I'd launch you into orbit ... so ... well ... here we go!”

 

However, as he turns to the machine to activate it, Tanuchan, by quickly changing into her tanuki shape, manages to escape certain doom and flees the room. Never noticing what happened, Venefyxatu activates the machine.

 

Slowly, the improvised stainless steel sash starts rotating. As soon as it gets up to speed and starts to align itself correctly in order to launch its now-absent quarry into space, however, the weldings start to let go.

 

Thud!

 

Thud!

 

THUD!

 

ThudTHUDTHUDthudTHUDthudTHUDTHUDthudthudthudTHUD!

 

Thud!

 

THUDTHUD!

 

ZinggggggggggTHUD!

 

It takes a long time for Venefyxatu to decide that it's safe again, but when he finally does, he gets up and looks around the room. His device is completely destroyed, and the pillow casings seem to be wedged securely into the walls.

 

“Foiled again ... maybe I should sell these back to Wyvern as shurikens or something ...”

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