Ozymandias Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 Out I want Out of here Ah that one loosened a tooth I think Blood sweet sour and tangy like a knife in my mouth my eyes blur with each impact Eyes Vision Vision Out Keep it together I'm You're not getting out of here early so use the time plan wait remember add subrtract multiply erase Ha Out will come soon enough For now the orderlies enter even now with their normal ruthless effieciency biting not so rewarding as hitting the walls of my white white room I broke my ribs too one for you and you and you the pain reminds me kicks thrown in for good measure have to keep them alert for the dangerous ones they'll reset my teeth like always and I will smile my gratitude to them as I wait and watch and think of the day for the day I am out Glorious days ahead I have plenty of time to plan you're asleep but I am always awake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver WInd Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 Interesting, I like this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted February 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 29, 2008 Thank you. This started as an exercise in exorcising anger, but when I sat down to write it, I'd calmed immensely. I don't actually know what this is, specifically... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quincunx Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 The editor in me wants to take an axe to the splintered lines, or maybe a broom--something, anything to make the English language read horizontally instead of vertically. However, since it's a free-write, I shouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Portrait of Zool Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 It's mad - MAD I tell you! MADNESS! It is indeed broken - it is not an easy read - but that's a great fit with the subject and drama, and agrees with and helps the overall tone. I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozymandias Posted March 1, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 Zool- thankya. *That* element was quite deliberately as you figured. Tzim- sincerest apologies for the same thing. {:>\ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WrenWind Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 Zool- thankya. *That* element was quite deliberately as you figured. Tzim- sincerest apologies for the same thing. {:>\ it is perfect the way it is perfect madness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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