dragonqueen Posted May 31, 2007 Report Share Posted May 31, 2007 Dear Diary, Today there was a high of 92 degrees Fahrenheit. I wore jeans. Retrospectively, this may have been a mistake. I came home right after gym and it was very hot and I was sweating. Diary, I do not sweat. Sweating is something other people do. It is a gross dirty and disgusting habit. I was hot. I was tired. But I had calculus to do. The door was open, The fan was on, And those cloying jeans. So, dear diary, I removed the offending garment and did my calculus in my underwear. Dear Diary, Today I did calculus in my underwear. Forever yours, Sara Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Phoenix Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 hee i like this it made me giggle it sounds like something i would do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted June 1, 2007 Report Share Posted June 1, 2007 LOL! I love it. Reminds me of what my G'ma said as I grew, and my sister's addition. "Sweat?! Nay child, Horses sweat, men perspire, a lady glows." "G'ma, I'm glowing like a horse then." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finnius Posted June 3, 2007 Report Share Posted June 3, 2007 Hilarious and well written. *tackles* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 (edited) Very, very nice dragonqueen. I'm impressed. Like the first half best. Dear Diary, Today there was a high of 92 degrees Fahrenheit. I wore jeans. Retrospectively, (Suggest: "In retrospect." Yes, I know it's cliche, but cliches are cliches because they work and your poem is strong enough to warrant the use of one.) this may have been a mistake. I came home right after gym and it was very hot and I was sweating. Diary, I do not sweat. Sweating is something other people do. It is a gross dirty and disgusting (I would lineate it with "and" on the same line as dirty, but lots of ppl would probably disagree with me.) habit. I was hot. I was tired. But I had calculus to do. The door was open, The fan was on, And those cloying (Doesn't cloy mean excess? Like an over indulgence? Hmm, but maybe dropping the "ing" would get the effect you're looking for, but leaving it more open ended.) jeans. So, dear diary, I removed the offending garment and did my calculus in my underwear. Dear Diary, Today I did calculus in my underwear. Forever yours, Sara Beth Edited June 5, 2007 by reverie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quincunx Posted June 5, 2007 Report Share Posted June 5, 2007 "Cloying" does mean clinging in a revolting manner. It's what people here are claiming their clothes are doing today; if it crested 80 degrees Fahrenheit, I will eat this keyboard, and since I'm at a 'net cafe again that is no idle boast. I only worry that the sentence ending ". . .and those cloying jeans" has no verb. Maybe what's bothering reverie is trying to shoehorn 'cloying' into a verb, which it never seems to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reverie Posted June 6, 2007 Report Share Posted June 6, 2007 Hmm. Interesting point Q. I think you're right that the lack of a verb is what bothered me (although subconsciously). I go mostly on intuition and sound. I was trying to shoehorn "cloying, " but not into a verb. At least I don't think I was? I was trying to give the phrase itself more drama in order to make it sound more complete to my ears, which as you pointed out turned out to be because of the lack of a verb. Good call! Also the phrase just confused me, because I never heard anyone say it before. So, I tried to make it function like something that sounded familiar like "coy." Which might work for "coy" (maybe), but I have no idea if it would work for "cloy." cool. rev... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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