The Portrait of Zool Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 ** Excerpts from a Dog's Diary ** 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! THEN...................... ** Excerpts from a Cat's Diary ** Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... For now... Edit: Oops! Forgot to add that I got this off email Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Appy Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 *giggles* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick Posted March 10, 2007 Report Share Posted March 10, 2007 Saw this a couple of years ago, but it is still great for a laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeldrinHor Posted March 11, 2007 Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 (edited) All right....where the heck can I find my cats' diaries? I mean, we have 3 cats, all very different in personality and such, yet all 3 have this little midset that we are THEIR prisoners, and not the other way around. And, in case anyone mistakenly thought only dogs could fetch....Meet Shaman Shorttail. He is our middle cat...he's 4 yrs old, He likes going into the clothes hamper and pulling out dirty socks, which he then proceeds to parade around the apt with them in his mouth. He will, most often, bring them out to the living room and drop them at our feet....he has also been known to find and haul around gloves and mittens, has dragged a dirty t-shirt out of the laundry and LOVES to scrunch up our flannel throws (smallish blankets we use sitting in our lazyboy chairs) and curl up in them. He's nearly 20 lbs of cat, and he KNOWS it. He loves to lean against you at the most inopportune times. Then there is the Queen of the realm, TigerLily. She's a little over 5 yrs now, and a Siamese blend called Tonkinese. She seems to have MOST of the Siamese attitude, mixed in with a PURE hatred for cats with ALL white fur. She gets along with Shaman ok, for the most part, but with our youngest cat (ALL white) she doesn't even bother TRYING to tolerate him, growling and smacking him ANY chance she gets. She is also, very much, Daddy's Girl. When she isn't sitting/laying in Daddy's lap, purring up a storm, she tries to get there, even going so far as to sit on the arm of my chair, and creeping into my lap...4-6" a minute....really slow like. And at night, when we got to bed, she likes to climb up on top of me, regardless of how I may be situated in the bed, and immediately turns her butt to me, so that I may pet her from head to tail until she decides I can stop. And if I stop before she's ready, I get the head butt....as she will rise, turn around and ram her skull into my head/nose/ear/whatevers handy, like she is some kind of charging rhino. And if my hand comes back up to pet her, she spins back around and plops down again for her attention. Finally, we have Hoppy. He turns 2 on Easter. He is the only one of the three not fixed...and he let's us know every single day, as he spends 98% of his time trying to get outside to chase tail. We got him from a neighbor when he was about 6 weeks old. My wife snuck him into the house as I was napping, and layed him on my pillow next to me...and I'll be darned, but when I woke up, I saw these huge blue eyes staring at me and he was purring.....dog goneit....Honey, another cat? Oh well...So Hoppy is the renegade of the house. Growing up, TigerLily despised him, but she was also afraid of Shaman, as he was most assuredly, Alpha Cat...she might be Queen, but she would never go near the Kitten if Shaman was AWAKE. That was his little "brudder", and they spent nearly all the time together. Still do....Shaman loves to wrestle, and so does Hopalong. And apparently Hoppy takes after his brother too...as he is about 16 lbs now. This is our little family, and I KNOW they all MUST have a diary somewhere hidden in this house...I'll just have to hunt for them, I guess. Edited March 11, 2007 by GeldrinHor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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