Two's Application

[Two]

I have read about the Recruiter’s Office but I have never been there personally (gone postal). I think I should adventure there soon, since the reasons for the journey down the hall to the Lizard’s Office keep pilling up. It is already quite a load. Without a bag of holding it has become quite cucumbersome. As a note to myself, I inscribe a list in the oft-misplaced ledgers of my mind. “What am I forgetting?”

 

The List:

 

1. Apologies for the possible misconstrued perception that THE LIZARD and the lizard mentioned in Serious Crumble are one in the same!

2. Little did I know what a big blunder it was to choose Guest1 as a user name, I was not in the proper frame of mind at the time. I must give thanks to all Members of the Pen for now recognizing me as “Two”.

3. To deliver as a gift, a large (6’ 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939”), freestanding oyster perpetual Rolodex clock, subaviator, to replace the “smashed to splinters” Grandfather Clock. (Will there be mixed splinters from the clock and the door in Wyvern’s office? No. Melba should have swept up the door tears prior to the loss of time.)

4. To put forward my application.

 

The clock has a large wooden base about two by two feet. The width stays the same front to back but sides swooped up becoming narrowest at the point where the large round face is mounted. Unfortunately it has no weights or chains like the usual grandfather clock, it is more like a clock you might find at train station platform. On the face it appears the numbers run counter-clockwise. The eleven is in the one’s place, the ten is in the two’s place and so on. But on closer inspection the number eleven is composed of tiny number ones. The number ten is composed of tiny number twos. The whole face of the clock is as such. The number six is composed of tiny number sixes. This was so that you can tell time forward and backwards. The clock lacks a key for winding, as it is an oyster perpetual. Some one, likely the Almost Secretary Melba, would have to shake it around once every couple of days.

 

I have a friend that I like travel with but he is on vacation, taking in the Tour de France. Normally he packs large items around for me. We met while he was working at the dry docks. His job was lifting the boats in and out. I would tell you his name but I do not want to be a namedropper. As he wasn’t around I had to carry the clock to Recruiter’s Office myself. It was a struggle.

 

When I had reached the door I was quite excited and winded, (the clock was heavy.) I was excited to make the acquaintance of such a distinguished door. I have some history with doors. I was once in an ancient hallway with many doors that opened out into various places, worlds, and planes. Those doors were in need of repair and in the process of repairing them I learned something of their nature. I imagine what I knew of them was only the tip of the iceberg. Recently I have moved to an old house (new to me) with many old wooden doors. There are five sets of French doors and many solid doors. The front door has great iron hinges and the top is curved in a semi-circle. Some of the inside doors are painted but I think underneath is hidden the same wood that the unpainted doors have. I have been told it is some kind of southern gum. Since I live in the north this is unusual. Anyhow I had never met a door, which wished to be betrothed to a demomness. Was that bride or bridge? Or in that case would they be one in the same?

 

I stood before the door, clock in hand.

 

“Door, err… If I may, Woody, may I introduce myself? I am now called Two. Formally and unfortunately I was called Guest1. I have taken that name, Two, from my number in that ancient order of Celebrimbor Cabalist of which at least one other polite member of the pen was also among that group. I do not wish to drop na….”

 

At the mention of “polite member of the pen” the door swung silently open.

 

The room was as I expected and being new I was somewhat nervous. Melba was absent but the silent Portrait of Zool made me uneasy. The desk piled high with papers and the messy overstuffed file cabinets made feel at home as that was how my office was most of the time. I do not have any mannequin limbs however. I placed the clock in the empty spot left by missing Grandfather Clock, hoping that the respected? Mr. Wyvern would like and accept it.

 

I dug into my backpack looking for my application. I could not find it! Did I forget it? I looked in all my pockets. I looked in my wallet. Where did I leave it? I began to panic. The Portrait of Zool gazed at me. I methodically went through my backpack again. I open each zippered compartment and removed everything then I carefully put every thing back in its place. I found it in the last place I looked. That is normally how it happens; you find what you are looking for in the last place you look. I wanted this application to the pen to be anything but ordinary so I looked some more after I had found it.

 

Where would I put the application? All the real estate on the desk was otherwise occupied. There was a childlike ink drawing of a horse, beautiful in its simplicity, as childlike drawings are beautiful, on the wall.

 

“Should I post it on the wall?” I said aloud.

 

Thinking of putting a nail in the door and not knowing if the walls were alive like the door I thought better of it. I found some tape in the clutter on the desk. I taped it to the clock.

 

Two’s Application

 

Infant novice, Will be

Mistaken. He thinks,

The pale is from lack

Of light like the white

Skin of a Japanese

concubine or other

Nocturnal things.

 

 

Cynic? No, not yet

He may never be

But he is already,

Conditioned to make

Thought easy. Mind jumps,

To what he already

Understands. Not her.

 

 

Not yet. Confuse costume

with regalia as a boy

Plays soldier shooting

The bad guys. Will, he

imagine the mascara

And miss the eyes? See

The dark lips and not hear.

 

 

The Word. She moves all

Day in the summer sun

But it doesn’t burn her

Like the farmer or rancher

Or lifeguard or the pan

Man on the corner. Cool

Translucent pale remains.

 

 

Will, he see inside to

Outside? Or only Out

Side. With her all begins

inside. Shines out brighter

Than bright daylight. The pale

Surges out from the core.

It can be blinding, blinding.

 

I pulled an easy chair over next to the big desk. I sat down to wait for the Elder Reptile.

[Peredhil]

((OoC: Welcome welcome!!! 'Bout time you made it here to the Pen.

*hugs*

 

Peredhil - 53 of the C.C. ))

[Two]

(OOC: Yes, Yes, it has been long time since you told me about the site and said I should post. Work is a bad habit. Regrets can be overwhelming, especially regrets over something one should have done sooner. No Regrets.)

 

Meanwhile, was there movement in the Portrait of Zool?

[Wyvern]

Wyvern skids into the Recruiter's Office, barging through the Office door and straight past Two. The reptilian Elder flails about and curses to himself, numerous papers clenched in each of his claws and several documents sticking from between his teeth. The papers attached to his horns and his stinger flutter as the lizard lets out an exasperated sigh.

 

"What a day." Wyvern lets the paperwork fall from his maw. "Inbetween trying to find the culprit for this office mess, trying to find a stick figure kind enough to adopt this horse drawing, and trying to scheme a way to hop into the Carnival Beauty Pageant, I've forgotten to try and make money. Nothing I hate more than a day where I haven't tried to make money, what a glum-"

 

The lizard pauses and perks up as he notices a new clock resting where the grandfather clock used to be. The reptilian Elder's tense expression of dismay softens as he approaches the freestanding oyster perpetual Rolodex contraption.

 

"Ssssaaaaay." Wyvern breaks out into a toothy grin. "Seems Ozymandias finally went through with the clock request. Not a bad clock, either."

 

Wyvern examines the new clock for a moment, then plucks off the sheet of paper attached to it and reads over it.

 

"Hmmmmm." Wyvern folds the poem once he's finished with it. "Very interesting indeed... a clock that writes poetry! Sure beats a door that complains all the time."

 

"Ummm." Two raises himself from his seat at the corner of the Office. "Well, actually-"

 

"What was that you said?" The deep grainy voice of Woody booms, interrupting Two. "Don't turn my knob, Wyv. It's already been turned as far as it can go!"

 

"Oh yeah, well get this." Wyvern unfolds the poem. "This clock describes a girl in the poem, not to mention a number of jobs like farming and lifeguarding."

 

"Uhhh, Mr. Wyvern." Two raises a finger. "That's actually-"

 

"I've been there." shouts Woody. "You should've seen the cowboy ballads I wrote working as a saloon door. Lemme tell you, I've shed more than a few splinters in my day."

 

"Would you be quiet?" Wyvern examines the time frame of the clock more closely. "Hey, the six on the time frame reads as a buncha smaller 666s, what an adorable little feature. I hereby name this clock 'Tock.' Sssay, I wonder why the hour hand is stuck on two."

 

"Mr. Wyvern." Two stomps his foot once on the ground to get the lizard's attention. "That poem is actually mine, as is the gift of that clock."

 

"Ahhhh, I see." Wyvern grins and approaches Two, then firmly shakes his hand. "So, applying to join eh? Well, this poem is certainly acceptable material, and the material gift of the clock definitely solidifies the stance of acceptance, but I'm afraid there's a ssslight dilemma."

 

Two frowns.

 

"A dilemma?"

 

"Yes, a dilemma." Wyvern rubs his scaly temple and scowls. The lizard then collapses back into his favourite chair, forgetting that it's thoroughly stained with paint. "You see, my Office was vandalized a little while ago and my acceptance stamp went missing. Without it, I can't officially accept anyone into the Pen, so I'm afraid you may have to wait until we find the culprit. As soon as the stamp turns up, you can consider yourself accepted."

 

With that, Wyvern grumbles and goes through his paperwork, searching for the list of potential thiefs in a mess of schemes and overlooked bills.

[Two]

The wheels spin in my head as the gears in the new oyster perpetual Rolodex clock. I rub my chin. I say “Ahh… The famous missing acceptance stamp problem, I see. Hmm…”

[Peredhil]

As Lord Panther sets out to find new threads, led by a waddling Melba, Woody hears her asking, "So Panther, do you know Brute? He's deleriously in love with me."

 

Woody remains open, sighing with a creaky noise. Two is standing in the Office still, trying to determine how to find a missing stamp in a place he doesn't know. Or trying to figure out where to start now that the starting place has failed.

 

"Stamp eh?" Two paces thoughtfully.

 

Having determined that Two doesn't have money, Wyvern ignores him to dig through his desk. Carelessly tossing old applications and schemes aside, the Almost Dragon soon disappears behind a wall of refuse.

 

The Inky Horse is successfully driven away from Zool's painting by Zool's cleverly alternatedly beating the horse with the Rubber Chicken, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Zool is so excited that as each yell reaches a maximum volume it pops into a white word bubble with a comma shape pointing to his head.

 

Despite the screaming, Grimmael does not come to his rescue.

 

The Inky Horse makes it's splotchy way back across the wall, leaving black ink road apples trailing behind to show its disgust with Zoolio's selfishness refusal to share his green green grass.

Hearing Two's muttering, the Horse listens for a moment and suggests, "You should ask the all-powerful Creator. If She can make me, she might know where the stamp is."

 

"It's worth a try," thinks Two, "After all, it is advice straight from the horse's mouth.

[Sweetcherrie]

Hidden in the bushes Sweet spied on the almost dragon. She’d heard so many rumours by now about a certain stamp that he’d lost, and now it had even gotten so far that he couldn’t officially accept new people. If she would lose something so important she would get into deep trouble, but apparently grown ups had their own rules, and almost dragons seem to have different rules again.

 

Five minutes later the lizard got up and she followed him until he entered the Recruiter’s office. On one hand the little girl was jealous that he was getting away with it, but on the other she felt sorry for him that such a tiny stamp could cause so much trouble. Undecidedly she stood in front of the door.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

That door had just spoken to her! Sweet shuffled closer and whispered back.

 

“You talk?”

 

“I certainly do missy, now do you want to get in or stay out? At least stop dribbling in front of me, you’re making me nervous.”

 

“I’m thinking of helping Wyvern a bit, he lost a stamp you see and I can draw and…”

 

She rambled on, about what she would do and why she was still standing in front of the door. The door started wishing he had fingers and ears so he wouldn’t have to listen any longer to the babbling girl, and almost wished she went back to silent walking, when she abruptly she stopped talking, and apparently had made up her mind.

 

“Could you please let me in mister Door?”

 

“Gladly,” The door swung wide open, glad that she was no longer talking.

 

Sweet stormed inside and ran into the direction of the almost dragon, but the mess caught her feet and instead of walking she went flying and landed in Wyvern’s lap.

 

“Oops. Hello!” She smiled sweetly, “I’m here to help you, mister almost dragon, cause you lost your stamp, and I can draw you see.”

 

With a big grin she stuck her hand in her pocket and drew out one of her magical pens. Without noticing she also pulled out the other contents of her pocket. One of her marbles rolled over the floor, a half eaten candy cane fell on the lizard’s lap, and with a soft thud the stamp in her pocket fell into an open desk drawer. With a look of pure triumph Sweet held up her magical pen in front of him.

 

“See?”

 

The lizard looked at her, and started saying that that wasn’t necessary, but the little girl had already nestled herself firmly in his lap, and pulled a piece of paper towards her.

 

“So where do we need this stampthing?”

[Wyvern]

Wyvern fidgets nervously in his seat, uncertain of how to handle the child that sits on his lap. The reptilian Elder glances towards Two and Peredhil, then bites his scaly lip and points at the upper right-hand corner of the application.

 

"Errrr, right around there would be good."

 

"Okie!" Sweet breaks out into a grin and begins scribbling over the application sheet. Two opens his mouth to protest, but holds his tongue as he watches the pen work it's magic. The scribblings begin to crawl over the sheet, coalescing at the upper right-hand corner and forming an exact replica of an acceptance stamp "ACCEPTED." Sweet lets out a triumphant giggle, then perks up when she hears Appy's voice calling from the hall.

 

"Sorry gotta go see ya folks." Sweet jumps off of Wyvern's lap and dashes towards the Office door. She pauses in the hall outside when she notices the inky horse on his way out, and doodles a bit of hay before rushing off.

 

"So." Two takes a hesitant step forward. "Have I finally been accepted?"

 

Wyvern grins and lifts himself from his seat. He picks up Two's application and hands it to him, then pats him on the back.

 

"Well Two, what does it look like?"

 

"A-Accepted?" Tears begin swelling in Two's eyes. "Oh Wyvern, I-I don't know what to say. S-so I'm finally in?"

 

Wyvern strikes a warm smile, revealing his razor sharp teeth. He pats a claw on Two's shoulder.

 

"Abssssolutely not."

 

Two nods to this, then pauses as the lizard's words register in his head. His face goes blank and his jaw drops open.

 

"Wh-what do you mean?!"

 

"Well, that'sss a forged 'ACCEPTED.' You'll only be accepted when the stamp is used." Wyvern hands Two a pair of Almost Dragonic Brand Y-Ray Goggles™, an Almost Dragonic Brand Squid Tentacle Ink Detector™, and a worn machete. "Better start looking for that stamp. G'luck."

 

;-p

 

OOC: stamp issue continued at Two's request. ;p Wyvern has not noticed that the stamp is back in his desk yet.