cryptomancer Posted September 23, 2004 Report Share Posted September 23, 2004 Sorry, no title to this. I had enough trouble trying to make my caffeine filled mind conform to a very set style. Lost to the wind, in silence I sing, My soul longing for you, I empty my heart. In the darkest place, light takes wing. Brighten my eyes, the horizon lighting, Calling me again to seek the part, Lost to the wind, in silence I sing. Emptiness in my heart fulfilling, In stone kindled, a flame does start, In the darkest place, light takes wing. Dawn of blue, an ocean living, Washed clean again, work of art, Lost to the wind, in silence I sing. Memories, love, life re-giving, Shadows of forgotten fears depart, In the darkest place, light takes wing. Fire of life in my soul burning, Cleansing the pains of a lonely heart, Lost in the wind, in silence I sing, In the darkest place, light takes wing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted September 23, 2004 Report Share Posted September 23, 2004 Yeah. They are hard. That's why I've only ever been able to make myself sit down and write two. You did a pretty good job with this, I'd say. The rhythm is rough, but over-all it's better than the average of what I've read here, I'd say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted September 23, 2004 Report Share Posted September 23, 2004 rah!! stretching to different forms and making it *work*!! *tacklehugs cryptomancer* y'no, i think it's time to prod Alaeha about those writing exercises.. actually, have you checked those out? they're stickied in the Cabaret, as the Consolidated List of Projects and Exercises. Good stuff in there! and, btw.. i absolutely LOVE your repeating lines here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted September 24, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2004 I spent a few days trying to find lines that would work when repeated. But although I am happy with them, I feel the rhythm of the piece suffered because I let them restrict me a bit too much. *grins* I am working on another, we see if I can get it to flow any better. Oh, about those exercises, yeah I have looked at them, (some of them anyway) I just need some time to devote to doing them. My next task I think is going to be writting sonnets. I tried one a while back, and was not sure if I got it, so I gonna work on it some more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cryptomancer Posted September 24, 2004 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2004 The loss of love, forever to mourn, A heart’s soft breath awoken, The mingled sadness of love reborn. Mind’s eye focus in the dreams drawn, That ever in language of listening is spoken, The loss of love, forever to mourn. Entire soul from my body torn, Seeking for her in meditative devotion, The mingled sadness of love reborn. Dreamless solitude awaits the dawn, Happiness from my slumber stolen, The loss of love forever to mourn. Eternally I’m haunted by visions forlorn, Cradling the dwindling hope of a blessed token, The mingled sadness of love reborn. Threadbare my lonely life is worn, Upon shoulders somehow unbroken, The loss of love forever to mourn, The mingled sadness of love reborn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanuchan Posted September 24, 2004 Report Share Posted September 24, 2004 (edited) I liked both of your poems. In spite of the strict form, I think you dealt well with them - however, I'm in no way one to trust when it comes to analyse form, as I usually don't even think about it when either reading or writing . So, I will say that for me both feel smooth and are enjoyable readings. I also love your repeating lines, they really work well. Thanks for sharing your poems, and to give us chance to see how a strict form can be worked very nicely by an inspired poet . ~Tanny Edited September 24, 2004 by Tanuchan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynx Posted September 25, 2004 Report Share Posted September 25, 2004 I agree with Tanny. Very nice, Crypt. I wish I had a muse who is as reliable for me as yours seems to be for you... Where did you get yours? Muse'R'Us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tattered Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 That was beautiful, touching...nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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