Salinye Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 For those of you who don't want to pour over the long sign up thread.... Xaious Peredhil Finnius Merelas Regel Gyrfalcon Daryl Falcon2k1 Gryphon Orlan Stick Jirah Ozzy Aural Death of Rats Mira Dean the Adequate Gwaihir Vlad Jonathan Wolfe Nuncio Elrohir **edited to add a couple of names I left off!** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Pointy One Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Pssst, Mr.Bunny's up there too... ;p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted July 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 LOL if anyone specifically requests mr. Bunny, he's ALL THEIRS! *grins* Otherwise, whichever lucky lady wins you, Stick. They get to choose which character they wish. So, better just have Mr. Bunny trim his whiskers and put on his best hat! ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Pointy One Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Oh yeah, silly me ;p ...poor Mr.B... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Could've sworn that Guido signed up Nuncio and Elrohir as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 A sudden hush falls upon the Cabaret Room as the lights slowly begin to dim and a spotlight falls upon the front of a curtained stage. The ladies in the audience grin to one another and giggle as a drum roll cues up in the background, and hold their breaths as the curtains are drawn back to reveal a large wooden stage along with a background consisting of pictures of each of the bachelor participants... The photos are all handsome and dashing depictions of the bachelors at hand, with the exception of four glaring features present on each of them; a moustache, a goatee, and two devil horns... all of which have been hastily scrawled onto the pictures in Almost Dragonic Brand Red Ink "Ladies of the Mighty Pen!" booms the voice of Sexy the Elder Dwarf through a loudspeaker somewhere off stage as the drum roll quickly bulds momentum. "The Pen Solistice Carnival in collaboration with handsome Bachelors from across the Pen proudly presents... the First Annual Pen Bachelor Auction!" A distinctly feminine sound of cheering fills the room as the drum roll crescendo ends with a magnificent symbol clash. An off-key theme music immediatly cues up in the background, combining both the music of "Joe Millionaire" and the theme song for "The Price is Right." The cheering continues as the spotlight falls on center stage and the voice of Sexy the Elder Dwarf exclaims: "And now, heeeeeerrrrre's your host. That turn off of a turn on, that lowlife money-grubbing wretch, that heartless two-bit scumbag, that tasteless pioneer of bad fashion, the perverted lustful loser, that no-good crazy-" The room suddenly goes quiet as the Elder Dwarf's intro is interrupted by a large bout of static, which roars through the loudspeakers for a long moment before clearing up to reveal the sounds of two voices cursing. Amongst the various curses, the audience can vaguely make out "Enough is enough!," "I'm not finished yet!" and "Gimme that mic, you midget!" A moment of silence passes, and then Wyvern casually walks onto the stage from the lefthand side of the curtains, waving to the audience and whistling innocently. The overgrown lizard wears a smoking leather jacket over a Gecko Brand orange T-shirt, plaid golf pants, a tan fishing hat, and some extremely cheap brand of cologn. Grabbing a microphone off of its stand and turning towards the audience, the fashion-blind host flashes a grin of razor sharp teeth to the crowd and hisses: "Greetings everyone, it's great to see so many gorgeous and potentially wealthy Pen gals in the audience this evening. My name's Wyvern, and I'll be your Bachelor Auction host for the evening. As host of this auction, it's my responsibility to introduce you to each of the bachelors that you can bid on in this auction, which I'll be summing up in alphabetical order... let the intros begin!" Wyvern does a twirl on stage and snaps his finger. Nothing happens for a long moment, and the overgrown lizard casts a menacing glare towards the spot where Sexy the Elder Dwarf had been making announcements off-stage before the spotlight falls upon the picture of Aural. "Our first specimen of the evening is Aural, Elwen's elven twin brother. With a last name like Moonflower, you know he's gonna be romantic... well, that or a botanist that really enjoys mooning people, which could also potentially be fun. Unless of course he happens to moon people while standing in poison ivy, which might not be as fun. Anyway, the only thing I don't particularly like about this participant is his moustache, his goatee, and his two devil horns. Onto the next bachelor." Wyvern snaps a scaly finger, and the spotlight falls onto the picture of Daryl. "This next bachelors name is Daryl, and he's perfect for cuddling with, wearing as a fur coat, and giving bones to. Ladies have often referred to him as being 'foxy,' so you really have nothing to lose... unless, of course, you don't like red moustaches, goatees, and devil horns, in which case he's out of the question. Next!" The spotlight turns to the picture of Dean the Adequate. "This bachelor is commonly referred to as Dean the Adequate, a humble subtitle for someone who's perpetually smashed off hard liquor and accompanied by his cute little ally Phil D. Cat. He spoke of losing his marriage licenses upon applying for this position, which means he can definitely assure you a good time. His moustache, goatee, and devil horns put his "Adequate" title into question, however." Wyvern snaps his finger, and the spotlight turns its focus to a picture of the Death of Rats. "If you want a unique dating experience, you should be sure to turn your attention to the Death of Rats, a.k.a the infamous Grim Squeaker. Sure, he may be miniscule in size and might lack the sensuality of having flesh, but the rodent reapers got a lot of class and can even speak to you in heart signs. His moustache, goatee, and devil horns look just plain cheesy, though. Next please." Wyvern taps his foot on the ground twice, and the spotlight quickly turns from the Death of Rats' picture to a picture of Elrohir. "Maybe you're searching for charisma and refined wisdom in a bachelor, someone with a base of knowledge that extends far beyond their years. If this is the case, look no further than the next bachelor on auction, Peredhil's elven son Elrohir. In terms of taste and class, you can't do better than going out with this suave heir of the Peredhil lineage. Then again, it does take a certain amount of ignorance to grow a red moustache, goatee, and devil horns when you once looked so handsome. Bring it to the next!" The spotlight readjusts its position to Falcon2K1s portrait, which has three different faces in it. "Pay for one and get a choice out of three! Falcon2K1 has given bidders the option of choosing between William Azunost, Cioden Darkeye, or Caryon Megeta for their dream date. Whether cawing with reply ravens or losing tempers collectively, each of the bachelors offered will give you a date you'll never forget. Particularly since all three of them sport extremely unfashionable looking moustaches, goatees, and devil horns. Next!" The spotlight turns and aims its attention at a picture of Finnius. "The blue man commonly known as Finnius is always an excellent option, being both a master of haikus and a master of long, drawn-out cannablistic tribal relationships. He'll eat you right up, and will leave you feeling blue when he departs... that is, if you're ever able to get over his red moustache, goatee, and devil horns, which contrast horrendously with his blue skin." Wyven circles a scaly hand in the air, and the spotlight turns and illuminates a picture of Gryphon. "The next participant on the list of bachelors is Gryphon, who's a perfect pick for those ladies who enjoy pleasant cloud strolls and speaking in loving bird tweet slang. Gryphons wings also make him an ideal date for both tickle torture and fanning, but be forewarned... red moustaches, goatees, and devil horns have never clashed well with beaks and feathers." Wyvern claps his hands twice, and the spotlight switches from Gryphons picture to Gwaihirs picture. "Choose Gwaihir as your bachelor, and you can rest assured that you'll be recieving only the best roses upon meeting up with him... his ability to speak with plants definitely has it's advantages. His clumsiness can also provide you with a hell of a good time, since he'll probably end up laying his hands on places other bachelors would never even think of touching. Unfortunatly, I can't say that I admire the red moustache, goatee, and devil horns that he currently sports. Switch it to the next bachelor." The spotlight rotates for a moment, then falls upon a picture of Gyrfalcon. "Gyrfalcon is the next bachelor up to auction, a critically-acclaimed ranger hunk with many years of adventuring experience that have left him a veteran in matters of love. I mean, just look at what the suave half-elf pulled in Salinye's Kissing Booth and you'll get a general idea of what kind of gentleman we're dealing with here. Then again, Gyrfalcon didn't have that red moustache, goatee, and devil horns last time I saw him, and those can really be an enormous turn off when it comes to kissing. Next!" The spotlight turns and flashes in Wyvern's direction briefly, blinding the lizard for a moment before focussing on a picture of Jirah. "Jirah, a thief relative of Alaeha, is another good choice for a bachelor to take out for a night on the town. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up slipping you into the movies for free and stealing your heart before the closing credits roll. Alas, now that Jirah sports a moustache, goatee, and devil horns, he's going to be a lot more identifiable to the authorities and probably won't be as much fun to be around." Wyvern does a clumsy version of the moonwalk as the spotlight switches to a picture of Jonathan Wolfe. "If Daryl has been taken and you'd like another cute fox to bid on, you should look no further than Jonathan Wolfe, another perfect cuddling date. If brushing against orange fur and making out in the grass are your thing, look no further than this hunk of a fox. Be warned, however: the moustache, goatee, and devil horns are not just another part of his fur." Wyvern smacks his tail onto the ground twice, and curses as his stinger gets stuck in the stage floor just as the spotlight turns to a picture of Merelas. "This next bachelor, Merelas, is a sure-fire great date... particularly since he's a half-flame elf. That's right ladies, Merelas is so hot that chances are you'll melt before him and your very heart will be warmed towards him before the evenings out. I don't even dare to think of what might happen when his moustache, his goatee, and his two devil horns catch on fire, however. Onto the next bachelor." Wyvern pulls at his stuck tail as the spotlight turns its focus to a picture of Mira. "Another nice bachelor to bid on is Mira, commonly refered to as a Dreamer of Dreams. I can't imagine a better bachelor to dream up a dream date for you, he's positively dreamy. Unfortunatly, his moustache, goatee, and devil horns look like they could be straight out of a fashion designers worst nightmare. Next!" Wyvern continues pulling at his tail futily as the spotlight carefully refocuses on a picture of Nuncio. "Somewhere inbetween Daryl, Jonathan Wolf, and the Death of Rats we have our next bachelor on auction: Nuncio of Guido and Nuncio guinea pig bodyguard fame. Far from a simple hampster-feed eating, large plastic ball rolling guinea pig, this large hunk of fur is sure to give you a memorable night out. He's always been considered the most clever and intellegent out of the Guido-Nuncio pair, and can tell you all about Peredhi the Polite's secret habits. Be forewarned, however, that his red moustache, goatee, and devil horns are not just part of his genetic whisker make-up. Next bachelor." The spotlight goes dim for a moment, then focuses on a picture of Orlan. "Orlan, the official Sexy Sexy Man of the Pen is Mightier than the Sword, kind of doesn't need an explanation at this point... his title says it all. Of course, one might note that the smoothest and sexiest Man of Terra now has a moustache, goatee, and devil horns that- well... ahhhh, who am I kidding, he looks good even with the extra accessories. And that's saying something." Wyvern waves a scaly hand in the air, and the spotlight hesitates before moving away from Orlan's picture and focussing on a picture of Ozymandias. "Babes in search of revamping their Pen status through a bit of seduction should definitely look into Ozymandias the Elder, the Loremaster of the Pen who's officially on auction! Given his ancient Egyption roots, the Great King is certain to treat you like a regular Cleopatra and give you all the pyraminds, scarabs, and embalming fluid you need for a great date. I don't recall crooked red moustaches, goatees, and devil horns being popular amongst pharoahs, but he seems to have them in excess never the less. To the next bachelor, if you will." Wyvern manages to dislodge the stinger of his tail from the floor of the stage just as the spotlight turns its focus to a picture of Peredhil. "Another popular bachelor option is Peredhil the Polite, who will be certain to treat you like a gentleman with the proper respect. The whole "AP-E" thing may be somewhat tricky to work around when you want to heat up your date, but ladies - the polite elder is most definitely single. I can't say that I find his red moustache, goatee, and devil horns very gentleman-like, however." Wyvern hisses and rolls his eyes as the spotlight turns to another picture, this one portraying Regel. "The next bachelor on auction in the list is Regel, who is well-renowned for his straightforward approach and deep-rooted admiration for chocolate. As an angel of apocalypse, he'll be certain to show you the kinkier side of Heaven over the course of the date. The only blemish I can find on Regel are his moustache, his goatee, and his devil horns, which simply stray from his character and aren't very attractive." Wyvern gives a scaly thumbs up to an unknown location off-stage, and the spotlight swiftly turns its attention to a picture of Stick. "Stick is another excellent choice for a bachelor to bid on, given his ability to have a great time and take a walk on the wild side. Dating him may also bring you one step closer to that hunk of an icon Mr. Bunny... and ladies, lets just say that they don't call him the 'Big Pointy One' for nothing. *ahem* Then again, you'll have to deal with red moustaches, goatees, and devil horns if you choose to date him, and who knows how many twigs can get caught in those. Next up!" The spotlight goes much dimmer as it turns and focusses on a picture of Vlad, careful not to shine to much light on the photo. "This bachelors daring full name is Vlad the Imploder, and he's certain to give you such a big crush, you'll implode. Vlad enjoys long midnight strolls, immortal love and bonding, and plenty of necking. Garlic fans need not apply... nor do people who tend to avoid red moustaches, goatees, and devil horns that look like some Bram Stroker rip off. Onto the next." The spotlight turns and floats through the audience for a moment, then refocusses its attention on the background of the stage and illuminates a picture of Xaious. "The second to last bachelor on the list of biddable people is Xaious the Master of Time, who is sure to give you the time of your life on a date. Whether in the after-hours or through each passing minute, the time-manipulator will have your heart steadily beating at an accelerated rate. I have no idea from which century he got that horrendously outdated moustache, goatee, and devil horns, though..." With that, Wyvern tears the bachelor list up and tosses it as confetti, grinning and bowing as cheers erupt from the crowd. The overgrown lizard dodges a few fruits tossed at him from folks in the audience who failed to appreciate the "accuracy" of his summaries, then leans towards the mic stand and hisses: "And ladies, there's one other bachelor on auction tonight, not listed on that sheet of people that signed up. He's a cunning bachelor, a handsome bachelor... a bachelor that has no moustache or goatee for a change, and who has horns that look nothing like those of a devil. A bachelor who would absolutely love to spend an evening with one of you ladies, and who might even be willing to spend geld on it. So, since you know that the bids for Orlan are going to be too high to afford anyway, bid for the alternative option... bid for-" "And that's a wrap, folks!" booms the voice of Sexy the Elder Dwarf from the loudspeaker as confetti begins raining down for the ceiling. "We're all out of time! Thank you so much for joining us this evening, and be sure to cast your bids to Salinye as soon as you get a chance. This event has been brought to you by the Pen Solistice Carnival, sponsored by Ol' Peculiar. Ol' Peculiar... the drink that goes straight to your gut and right out the other end!" "W-w-wait." starts Wyvern meekly as the microphone loses all of its sound and the spotlight goes dark. "I... I wasn't finished." As the ladies of the Mighty Pen chatter and giggle to one another and depart from the area of the stage, noone notices Wyvern standing in the dark, his visage unnaturally vulnerable and hurt and his eyes slightly tamer-looking then usual. Biting his scaly lip a bit and taking one final look at the departing crowd, the overgrown lizard lets out a short sigh of longing before slowly treading to the stage exit, stage right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted July 14, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 OOC Note: If Wyvern missed anyone, you can blame this elf! It would be my fault! But, if he did, I'm sure he'll add you in! Just pm me. (He can't get pm's atm. Having connectivity issues, I believe.) ~Salinye **added Nuncio and Elrohir to the list, P.** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gryphon Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 "W-w-wait." starts Wyvern meekly as the microphone loses all of its sound and the spotlight goes dark. "I... I wasn't finished." As the ladies of the Mighty Pen chatter and giggle to one another and depart from the area of the stage, noone notices Wyvern standing in the dark, his visage uncommonly vulnerable and hurt and his eyes slightly tamer-looking then usual. Biting his scaly lip a bit and taking one final look at the departing crowd, the overgrown lizard lets out a short sigh of longing before slowly treading to the stage exit, stage right. OOC: I know it's all in character... but having felt something like this in the past I actually felt a twitch of sympathy for Wyvern there... Silly Gryphon... what's with that? (no really... I honestly did, poor Wyvern) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quincunx Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 Tzimfemme trotted along the edge of the stage with a scratchpad, cross-checking some of the bachelors on display with the Angels of Apocalypse informal male divvying-up agreement: Elrohir (Peredhil territory of Signe, however--if Elrohir is an Uninterested, territory of Tzimfemme. Inquire) Gyrfalcon (territory of Signe, however she's willing to share) Nuncio (see also Elrohir, keyword Unmarriageable) Orlan (territory of SteelDragon) (scratched out--And I never paid for it in my life) Peredhil (managed to be claimed by all, by bowing out of consideration--and thus territory for the one who was out of previous consideration. Territory of Signe by general early Pen custom) Regel (territory of Wench--perhaps bribable with chocolate instead of extra geld?) (in a smaller hand) Wyvern (territory of Signe, also pet) Along the margin was the rough work for calculating tips, an EQ-bid-point-to-geld conversion, "Toblerone 0.9g/g?", and a note to self to get more income-providing territory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts