Arashi Posted May 20, 2004 Report Share Posted May 20, 2004 (edited) Am I real Or am I a figment Of some small child's imagination Set here in his toy box Slowly rotting away from years of neglect Awaiting my chance to be let out For one last adventure through time and space Am I really here talking to you Or did you just conjure me up As you slowly lost your sanity Were you lonely Needing a friend Is that the reason I am here To hold you together while you fall apart Did I really live Or was I a dream Floating between the void of life and death Silently screaming Drifting slowly to my final destination Edited May 28, 2004 by Arashi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted May 25, 2004 Report Share Posted May 25, 2004 Glad to see you posting again! i like this, and not only because you ask many of the same questions that i have. =) Awaiting for my chance to be let outi don't think the "for" here is necessary, and it flows better as "awaiting my chance" Is that the reason I am here To hold you together while you fall apart i really like this. For me, this expresses very well the often frustrating and sometimes futile feeling of questionable purpose. Nicely stated. i don't think i could find a favourite line, though, actually. i *really* like this, and am very glad to see you writing here again. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted May 25, 2004 Report Share Posted May 25, 2004 Welcome back! I kept getting mind-picture flashes of all those toys with whom I spent endless hours playing in the days before constant television and computers. Wonder what happened to them all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xaious, Master of Time Posted May 25, 2004 Report Share Posted May 25, 2004 spent endless hours playing in the days before constant television and computers Yeah. My poor TV has become neglected because of mine comp.Good work, you who art name Arashi. Geez, now I feel sad fro my toys, too. And I too agree that it would flow better without that 'for'. Overall, very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arashi Posted May 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 thanks for the replies. And I just noticed how bad that look so I changed it. I missed it when I wrote it because it was late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falcon2001 Posted May 28, 2004 Report Share Posted May 28, 2004 Excellent poem, Dustin. I really think that inviting you to the Pen has helped you increase your poetic horizons a lot - watching you grow is a rewarding experience. The overall tone of the poem is one that I feel that I've explored a few times - not only questioning the purpose of life but questioning whether we truly exist or not and if we do, whether we're just figments of some imagination. My favorite theory is that there's a large orange and white tabby dreaming us and one day he'll wake up and we'll all evaporate. As to the stylistic side of the poem, I like the repitition and the free-formishness of the poem. I always was a fan of the style myself, and it works well with this poem, though I think it could work with a formatic approach. Keep writing, this is some good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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