Ayshela Posted February 19, 2004 Report Share Posted February 19, 2004 Alone Hold tightly, small one, your hands to your side. Or wrap around tightly, your warm heart to hide. Run swiftly - be careful! Don't stumble, don't fall. This way you won't know no one's there, at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted February 22, 2004 Report Share Posted February 22, 2004 Ayshela, hun, this is a wonderful wonderful piece. what strikes me most is that this is an incredibly inclusive piece. The temptation would have been to make this a subjective piece which more often than not ends up alienating the reader from the poem and poet. And this certainly far from the case here!! From a linguistic point of view it is your choice of wording that is so very effective. "Hold tightly, small one, " I could not single out a specific word in this line, for example, because each word is so intrinsic to the meaning of the others. The "holding tightly" is a shows frailty and hope a little desperastion, but were it not for the "small one" then the holding would seem an incredible act of desperation and possessivness. It would be a very active description - brash and offensive. Of course it is more complicated with each word relying on every other for its meaning. This first line is a marvelously compact exapmle of what occurs through the rest of your poem. I cannot underline enough how impressive I think this is. From a technical point of view I struggle to offer any advice here, even just the length is suitably set. However, one point: This way you won't know there's someone there either. -Hugs and stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted February 23, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2004 mmm perhaps true, but better, i think, to not find out for sure that when you reach out no one's there. as long as you don't reach out you can still think there might be.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopperWolf Posted February 23, 2004 Report Share Posted February 23, 2004 but what would be the point if you never intend to find out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted February 24, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2004 perhaps to not crush the fleeting fragments of hope which remain? if you fall and there IS someone there, then that's a lovely surprise.. which is quite a different thing from reaching out on your way down and finding no one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted February 24, 2004 Report Share Posted February 24, 2004 It's the question of whether to suffer the evil you know or to risk the evil you don't. No matter how shiny the reward is, if the odds seem insurmountable, it's often easier to just leave it be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parmenion Posted February 27, 2004 Report Share Posted February 27, 2004 (edited) Bah - insurmountable odds are what life is all about. Challenge! And dunt worry Ayshela, if you fall lass one of us will be there to catch ya, have no fear! *breaks out the safety net and follows Ayshela around for a couple o' days* Class poem hun Edited February 28, 2004 by Parmenion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted February 28, 2004 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 *shrug* depends whether you're cliff-diving over water or over land, i suppose. *smiles at the thought of Parm following with a safety net* thanks =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackCagedHeart Posted March 7, 2004 Report Share Posted March 7, 2004 Oh my goodness. Your poem makes me want to cry... ::Is a friend/sister of Yatsuna13:: ^-^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyril Darkcloud Posted March 24, 2004 Report Share Posted March 24, 2004 Feedback posted in Critics' Corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted May 8, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2004 edited version: Alone Hold tightly, small one, your hands to your side. Or wrap around tightly, your warm heart to hide. Run swiftly - be careful! Don't stumble, don't fall. Don't ever confirm you're alone, after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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