Justin Silverblade Posted January 30, 2004 Report Share Posted January 30, 2004 Hey gang, it's been a while since I posted. I was perusing the boards here the other day and this morning, as I usually do and a couple popped out. Coupled with MSN chat, it got the ol' wheels churning. Not a very happy poem, but it was what was catching my eye. Hope you all enjoy! Inspired by the works of Falcon2001 and X-Sabre, and a chat with Gwai Thanks guys! PS - After looking at it, the title really should be "Can" and not "Could." Sorry about that! Politely fixed - P Can I Be Right? I taste it there – a gaping wound, The torn tissue tasting pain, Each scab and bruise a living basis, For mistaken justice, illusionary gain. Suffering’s bitter: claimed nutrition. Meal of meat for immoral submission. I see it there – a seeping wound, Crimson armies of angry form, Subtle drop in perfect art, Strokes of brush on paper torn. A colour copy of retribution A pedestal painting; blind solution I hear it there – a closing wound, A subtle sound of scare and fear, Crowds closing sacred sore, Gates closed and new shell clear. New bricks built on slippery surface, Broken blood receives new purpose I touch it there – a tender wound. I want to heal, I want to feel, To live in love’s sweet content. To mend their flesh without repeal. Mending matters of complication, Seems to gouge at skin’s sensation. A gaping wound, a stench of ours Rotting skin, unrelenting. Our gaping wounds, our healing touch. Torn in tearing, torn in mending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 For various reasons, none of which will coelesce into articulate words, this struck me deeply. The images I get, of warfare, wounds, doctors' cutting, wounds, the emotional scapels of fearful lovers, and others, are quite overwhelmingly spinning through my mind at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple_shadows Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 Mending matters of complication, Seems to gouge at skin’s sensation. that has got to be one of my favorite lines ever. Very beautiful, very vivid and I'm sure many of us can relate to it one way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 *nod* i agree with purple shadows, and was going to quote those lines as well, secondary to the ones that made me catch my breath: Subtle drop in perfect art, Strokes of brush on paper torn. that is so.. perfect.. *awed* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted January 31, 2004 Report Share Posted January 31, 2004 I also thought that this was an excellent poem, Justin. I thought that the imagery you used throughout it was very evocative and vivid, particularly "colour copy of retribution," and I especially love the way you ended it. The rhyme scheme and structure were also original and intriguing, and definitely drew me into the piece. The theme that I personally picked up from this was that people who desperatly attempt to heal and love other people can end up wounding them in the process. Great stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuki Kokoro Posted February 1, 2004 Report Share Posted February 1, 2004 Nice poem. I especially liked the title, the way it suggests that although you can sense the wound, it is hidden and you're not sure of your conclusions. The last two lines struck a chord in me as well. The reason so many of us don't want to heal is that sometimes the process of healing is more painful than living with the hurt. However, when it's over one can finally move on. I also thought it was interesting that the only sense left out was feel, but then I realized that if you put the whole poem together you're feeling the wound emotionally in a way. Once again, very striking with vivid images, good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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