Nyyark Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 Sometimes, because my life has no meaning, (It seems every thing just is, people go, they die, and why? Why not. And off the street there isn't much that isn't, with technology everything seems to be real but me, except when I feel the anger at the whiners saying "where I fit in?" Can't they see that's what they are, and all they are and all they'll ever be?) I write stories about people whose lives have it. Sometimes, because I feel so empty, (You know its like nobody really knows what to think, and they all pretend they do, everybody going on and on with life, nothing to see or do. The Generation ages, and mine, not even having an X to label it, nor for that matter, caring, sits in It's withering shadow. The yellow curb paint is chipped and flecked, but nobody expects it to be repainted anyway.) I write Poems full of loneliness. Sometimes, because I'm lost, (There really isn't any where to go. I could swim if I was stranded in the ocean, but there isn't an island to go to. Or for that matter water. Just a large vast space to float around in. They say in space, no one can hear you scream, but I don't know because I never tried.) I wish I knew what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 Good to see you posting again. The italics echo an attitude I've heard on buses and Metro trains all too well. Good "summation" of what seems to be the majority attitude of a generation. I'm glad there are exceptions! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Wyrd Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 (edited) Nice, I liked the running commentary. It's always good to see things shook up with a style I'm not used to. Thanks for introducing yours. Edited January 13, 2004 by Loki Wyrd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Silverblade Posted January 13, 2004 Report Share Posted January 13, 2004 Wow.... Nyyark, this is a great idea! The poem is really effective... I find myself at a loss for words - I don't really have a critique for you. The 'between the lines' feel was really well done, and was so accurate. A very sad work, but very effective. I can really appreciate it, and I really do like it. Thanks for working on it, and thanks for sharing it. - Justin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X-Sabre Posted January 14, 2004 Report Share Posted January 14, 2004 It is a damn shame that so many of my generation think like that, myself included. Perhaps it's a sign of the time, there's a lot of overly optimistic baby boomers, and a lot of angry depressed teenagers. Maybe my generation just had too much information to deal with at once, where as in the past, people usually only had to deal with issues that affected their everyday life, and were able to avoid seeing a lot of the things at least that I have seen. Too much information at too early an age, is just as bad as too little information. Who knows, maybe next generation will be able to find that grey area. Overall, great work. I love the erm, I'll say, "thought process" for lack of something else to call it. It's an original style, and quite a breath of fresh air. Thank you Nyyark for the wonderful read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purple_shadows Posted January 14, 2004 Report Share Posted January 14, 2004 The piece was different, and at first I didn't really care for it, but reading through it again, I love the style a lot, it's not one you see very often. Without the parts "between the lines" the poem wouldn't have had nearly the same impact. I don't really care for the flow of it, it was hard to follow at times because of how chopy it is. I found that it helps to read the two passages separately, and then go back and splice them together. I like how that works. It requires you to stop and think even more than if you were to just read straight through it. All-in-all, it is a beautiful piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted January 14, 2004 Report Share Posted January 14, 2004 I like the way the piece was done... or at least the idea of it. The content is great. It's just that the italicized, parenthetical portion - important though it is - is... too long, I guess, to be between the lines, honestly. It's like by the time you get done reading the interruptive material, you have to go back to the beginning to figure out where the whole thing came from. Or is that just me? I like it... it just seems as if it could stand to be smoothed out a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuki Kokoro Posted January 14, 2004 Report Share Posted January 14, 2004 I can relate to this because I always feel one sentence doesn't really express everything that needs to be said. This was a very creative approach. I think you did a good job capturing the quick flurry of thought that accompanies any simple but meaningful sentence. I did have trouble deciding how to read it, but I decided I liked the way it flowed reading both bold lines, then the italics, then going on to the next stanza/paragraph in the same way. I does rather work against the whole "between the lines" idea though. ;; This line really jumped out at me: "The yellow curb paint is chipped and flecked, but nobody expects it to be repainted anyway". This is a sentiment I see all too often. Sometimes the only reason nothing changes is because everyone is so used to it they don't even know they're allowed to expect something better. You did a good job of capturing that idea in a very specific way. Nice job, it's always good to see an inventive approach, especially when it works as well as this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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