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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

Sleep Silently Tonight


Mira

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Sleep silently tonight

Between these sheets of night

And harbor only wishes

Never worries, cares, or frights

 

So silently I lie

While I look upon your rest

The tranquil expression of your face

The gentle movement of your breast

 

And as the suns first golden rays

Fill the room with light

I vainly try, with no success

To hold on to this night

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  • 2 weeks later...

apologies for bringing an old thread to the top :)

 

the last two verses are something special, especially the ending "I vainly try, with no success, to hold onto this night." sometimes, when reading poems, lines leap out at me as being absolutely perfect, and it was to that group that those belonged. An absolutley enchanting ending.

 

However, if I could draw your attention to the first stanza. You've got three lines ending with the same sound here, which starts the reader off on the wrong beat, and giving them a confused outlook on the structure of the poem (stanzas 2 & 3 both having just lines 2 and 4 do the rhyming). Despite it appearing easier to change 'tonight' to something else, I would be tempted to try fiddling with the 'night' and 'frights' as a plural/singular rhyming never seems to sit too comfortably anyway.

 

how about (and I apologise if this is taking it too far in the other diriction)

 

Sleep silently tonight

Between the sheets, my dear,

And harbor only wishes

No worry, no care or fear

 

just a suggestion though, I very much like it as it is.

 

BTW, is the name-that-song thing still open? Gotta love Bob Dylan :)

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