WrenWind Posted November 20, 2003 Report Share Posted November 20, 2003 pipe dreams and lollipops air line tickets and tooth fairies all these things take over my brain and make me smile a while Then the bubble bursts and darkness comes bills in the mail and groceries to buy goons at the door and car out the drive reality makes me want to cry (don't ask ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beautiful Nightmare Posted November 20, 2003 Report Share Posted November 20, 2003 (doesnt ask but nods! ) i love you wrenny! *big hug* great poem:~)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted November 21, 2003 Report Share Posted November 21, 2003 Nice poem Wren, I really like the original images you used to convey the fantasy in the first stanza and how they're contrasted with the reality in the stanza following it. The last line was also quite evocative, as it switched the tone of the stanza from slightly disturbing to genuinely dark. One thing that struck me as a bit awkward in the poem was the "Then" line, as as it is now it seems to have a neutral tone that doesn't really show a shift to darker thoughts. Perhaps if it were "But then" or altered in some other way that shows that it's going to cause a change in tone, it could be stronger. Thanks for sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X-Sabre Posted November 21, 2003 Report Share Posted November 21, 2003 Wren, it's a beautiful but saddening poem. I can't really say much else but thank you for sharing. *gives you a huge hug* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salinye Posted November 21, 2003 Report Share Posted November 21, 2003 *hugs Wrenny* Is it odd that somehow I think I understand? ~Salinye Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Regel Posted November 22, 2003 Report Share Posted November 22, 2003 A pipe dream is better than no dream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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