Aardvark Posted October 14, 2003 Report Share Posted October 14, 2003 There's a few things people fail to pay attention to when they hail a taxi in my city. A few minor details that are followed religiously by cabbies everywhere, as they are law. Like the plates. They have to be taxi plates. To taxi passengers around in a car for money, you need a taxi driver license and taxi plates. Another thing people don't think about is transmission. Taxis must be auto. Due to the high number of immigrants who come to my country to get jobs as taxi drivers without actually learning how to drive, manual transmission in a taxi is a no-no. Also, taxis have a life of six years. Once a taxi has been a taxi for six years, that's it, game over son, cash in your cab and get yourself a new one. Another thing, not actually compulsory, but a damn good idea, is the fuel used. Due to it's low cost, taxis usually run on LPG. This is signified by a little sticker on the number plate. A red diamond with the letters LPG within. A final point which people always overlook is the brand of taxi. Almost all taxis in existence in my city are Ford Falcons. I've never known why. Sure, there are a handful of non-ford taxis out there, but chances are, if you stick your arm out, whistle loudly and scream "TAXI", a falcon will be stopping. So when prospective passengers hop into my thirty year old Holden, complete with manual transmission and powered by octane boosted premium, they never think twice. They saw the Taxi sticker on the side, that's more than enough. I'm not a licensed taxi driver. I don't want to be. But every once in a while, I do this, just for kicks. A mate of mine is a cabbie. He gave me a fridgemagnet style taxi sign as a joke, once. Since then, on quiet nights in my city, my beast has been spotted prowling near pubs and clubs, preying on unsuspecting drunkards. It's all fair, really. They get a ride where they're going, I get quite a bit of money. No one complains, much. Tonight's punter wasn't a drunkard. He didn't even come from a pub. Infact, I hadn't even been meaning to do my little taxi gig this night, I'd merely left the sticker on from the last time. But hey, I was a sucker for an impromptu fare. I drove beyond the double white lines and performed a legal U-turn to collect the gentleman. I rolled up next to him. He opened the door, tossed his briefcase in, then jumped in. Before I could even offer a greeting, he sternly said "ARG Building, Pitt Street. Move." I was taken aback by this. I shifted into first and gently took off, heading for the motorway. "Urrgh, I'm late already, can't this thing go any faster?" I was amazed he hadn't noticed the several things wrong with this particular cab. Especially the loud snarl of the exhaust and the rumble of the engine. Oh well, might as well play the part "I heve to obey speed limit," I said, in my best dodgy russian accent. "Speed limits are meaningless anyway. Look, can't you just go a little faster?" "How much faster?" At this, he saw where I was coming from. He opened his wallet and pulled out a fifty. "So you vant me to go at Fifty?" He groaned, shook his head, then pulled out another fifty. "Ahh, now ve're cookink vif gas. Bookle up, it vill be a boompy ride." "Finally-" he began, settling into his seat. Then I floored it ---- He spent more time trying to get his breath back after that than I'd taken getting him there. I'd avoided the motorway entirely, instead choosing winding backstreets and deserted avenues, never passing up an opportunity to lose traction. He didn't take my sound advice until after he slammed into the right side door. Then he belted up. The cop chase scared him a little, but I knew the streets, I knew my car and I also knew the cops who were chasing me. They knew what I was up to, but couldn't catch me if they wanted to, due to government cutbacks, as they put it. Still, thinking back, taking the partially constructed bridge with the convenient jump was simply overkill. I turned around and addressed my passenger. "Ve have arrived. But it seems that I exceed your preset speedlimit." By now, I'd dropped back into my normal neutral accent. He sat silent, clutching his chest, nodding slowly. He reached into his wallet and pulled out another hundred. Then a third. He handed the notes to me and climbed, uneasily, out of my vehicle. "Keep the change..." he muttered, half heartedly. I grinned as he closed the door, being careful not to slam it, lest the noise send him into shock. I reversed out of the parking lot, checked the clock, then drove home, making a note to remove the taxi sticker. But no sooner had I wound my window down, I heard that familiar call "TAXI" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peredhil Posted October 14, 2003 Report Share Posted October 14, 2003 *This* was a fun read! I shouldn't be laughing at such blatant disregard of law... But this is just too good not to enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted October 15, 2003 Report Share Posted October 15, 2003 I loved it! It was very amusing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gyrfalcon Posted October 16, 2003 Report Share Posted October 16, 2003 *laughs* I have to say that I love your stories, Aardvark. There's a lot of dry humor about them that I enjoy a lot. Keep it up, and make sure to take your next fare on the scenic tour of the city... at a hundred miles an hour. It should be an interesting experience for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aardvark Posted October 16, 2003 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2003 We use the metric system down here, you imperialist swine! And it's hard to hit 160 Km/h down here, due to strategically placed speed cameras and ticket mad cops backed by politicians riding along on the votes generated by the "Speed is killing children" campaign they've been milking for the last few years. Speed.. bah! If they made the road test harder and continually quality tested their driving instructors, the skill level of the population would rise, thus dropping the road toll BUT THAT'S A LONGTERM, RATIONAL SOLUTION! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR LONG TERM, RATIONAL SOLUTIONS DOWN HERE!! Not when the quick fix will secure your next term Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zariah Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 You know where this would fit in really well? Reader's Digest. If you wanted to, you could submit it there. I really enjoyed this piece. I found it interesting how in speaking very little about the main character's emotions, the humor he derives from manipulating naive people is apparent in the main characters actions and reactions. I really liked the opening as well, very characteristic of a witty story. I could almost believe this was a true personal narrative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 ... *Laughs* This is hilariously funny... The bridge probably was overkill... But that's ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Illuminator Posted October 20, 2003 Report Share Posted October 20, 2003 Very amusing. I really liked this. WOOT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyyark Posted October 21, 2003 Report Share Posted October 21, 2003 That was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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