Zariah Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 Gently the breeze flows beside the mellow brook The golden leaves float toward a sea of orange Shades of Autumn pierce the grey sky above And so I think of how we once were pure I dip my chilled fingertips into the flowing stream My reflection glows like a speckled tear drop Sadness is all I feel in this natural haven And so I think of how we once were true Small beasts roam the forest ground I hear the rustling branches from afar As I watch the green grass turn to brown And so I think of loving you Somehow there is no day or night Arms reach around my trembling sides Surroundings spin according to my thoughts And so I pray for our renewed Spring Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwaihir Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 What a lovely poem. I like the way you use a setting that is not by definition gloomy to express your own inner sadness. The images are very precise like the dipped fingertips in the chilly stream. I would add suggestions, but I never know what people want so I'll just leave it hear and say that I really enjoyed this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zariah Posted September 30, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 oh please please! Constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcomes by Zariah! Thank you! thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigil StarGazer Posted October 1, 2003 Report Share Posted October 1, 2003 Pretty good Imagery... it seems you almost are an elf in a forest *lol* and i liked this line: As I watch the green grass turn to brown And so I think of loving you It's definately emotiona... but on a deeper level.. You are loving someone, but you are also alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted October 2, 2003 Report Share Posted October 2, 2003 i like this. My reflection glows like a speckled tear dropand i LOVE this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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