Forgotten Soul Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 There are many times in peoples lives that they regret. Many ways exist to deal with these regrets, but unfortunately, not all of them are helpful. One that I personaly find very helpful though is to write about them in a poem. This was one such peom writen with that idea in mind. I now wish to perfect this peom, and wish it to be apreciated in the poetic sence. The Wish T’was a long and lonely night that came so long ago T’was a long and lonely night that came so it be so That night that came so long ago so long I know not when That night that came so long ago I’ll not do that again I wish that that night had not come that night so long ago I wish that that night had not come so I won’t have to go I do not wish to go away away so far or near I do not wish to go away except from death and fear But from the pain of it I leave going on my way But from the pain of it I leave although I wish to stay But staying here cannot be done because of fear and pain But staying here cannot be done or else I might be slain Slain form all the things that are and never will be changed Slain form all the things that are and never can be gained Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaeha Posted September 24, 2003 Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 (edited) ... interesting... It has a nice sense of rhythm to it... and it rhymes quite well. I do not wish to go away away so far or near I do not wish to go away except from death and fear That one struck me a lot more than the rest did, for some reason. I like this. The repetition of the lines is a little odd, but it's still pretty good. Welcome to the Pen! *Hugs* Edited September 24, 2003 by Alaeha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgotten Soul Posted September 24, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 24, 2003 Thanks. I spent alot of time on this one actualy, trying to get the rythem and rhyme to work the way I wanted. I'm always experimenting with difrent styles of writing, and this is, in my opinion at least, one of my more creative styles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merelas Posted September 26, 2003 Report Share Posted September 26, 2003 This was really good! I was drawn to it, and I'm glad that I did read it, because it was well worth it. The only thing I would note is, while the scheme of A/B/A/B (with the "A" lines being exactly the same) works very well towards the beginning of the poem, it seems to draw away from the overall sense at the end. I find myself wondering what the terrible night brought to darken your door... and that I enjoyed this piece, verily! Good luck on your application! Hoping to see you around other areas while you wait -Merelas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyvern Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 Forgotten Soul slowly leans back in his applicant easychair, wondering what could possibly be taking the infamous Elder of Initiates such a long time to arrive and hoping that the "forgotten" part of his name didn't somehow rub off onto his application... Sighing and shifting in his seat, the eager applicant is about to get up and search around for some information on the Elder of Initiates' whereabouts when suddenly, the door to the Recruiter's Office slams open and Wyvern frantically rushes into the room... Rapidly bowing to Forgotten Soul and apologizing for his lateness, the reptilian Elder rushes over to his desk and drops a large sack that he's carrying onto it... Quickly shuffling through the numerous papers littered on his desktop until he finally comes across "The Wish", the overgrown lizard reads over the application poem carefully several times before turning towards Forgotten Soul and hissing: "Cccertainly an acceptable piece of writing, Forgotten Soul... but before I accept your application, allow me to offer you something that you might find to your liking..." Forgotten Soul raises a brow curiously as Wyvern snickers and rummages through his sack with a scaly claw, pulling out a bottle made of ivory after a short search. Pointing at the bottle and flashing one of his deadly "wannabe salesman" grins, the greedy reptile hisses: "Tired of being forgotten? Well... this little puppy can cure all your woes! Introducing: Wyvern Brand Memory Plus Formula, 30% guaranteed to increase people's memory." Forgotten Soul stares at Wyvern in a confused manner and is about to speak up when the overgrown lizard continues: "Each potion has been bottled in the ivory of an elephant that never forgot! Wyvern Brand Memory Plus Formula comes in three delicious flavors: Strawberry Suppression, Banana Amnesia, and Fruitblend Flashback! So... forget about the price and order yours today!" "Wyvern..." responds Forgotten Soul, relieved to see that the overgrown lizard has finally ran out of breath and that he has a moment to speak. "I'm actually not interested in memory potions at the moment, particularly those that are only 30% guaranteed... I rather like to think of myself as forgotten." Wyvern grumbles and nods to this, tossing the ivory bottle back into his overflowing sack of goods and stamping Forgotten Soul's application "ACCEPTED." ;-) OOC: A good application poem, Forgotten Soul... certainly ACCEPTED. Welcome to the Mighty Pen! I apologize for the large waiting period, and hope that you find us a welcoming and friendly creative writing community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forgotten Soul Posted September 30, 2003 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 And even though forgotten I may may be, forgotten I shal not remain. Always the lonely wandering soul, Forgotten Soul believes he has now found a home. Now he can haunt the hals of the guild and remain, not quite, forgotten. Thank you for this review Wyvern, and hopefully soon my wandering will lead to many more writings in the future. Quietly, Forgotten soul leaves though the door, wishing to explore his new home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayshela Posted September 30, 2003 Report Share Posted September 30, 2003 congratulations, and welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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