Mardrax

Theme 12: Insanity You Can Watch Some would call it deviant Locking oneself from the world Keep it there long enough And most would step it up A notch or two On the wall of aggravations Bearing its marks of long Imprisonment within it A colourful world Yet so utterly alone So quiet, peaceful That no one, ever Could set a foot inside But me. This retreat? Mine. My wall, my chalks. And you're not playing with them. In a million years. But you? You can watch.

Theme 11: Memory Panopticon An angry white guy Yammering into my ears Incessant, obnoxiously As if he had something To prove to me then Messages of 'make it Or die trying' filled me Exchanged for blood Gore, guts and sexuality Two worlds so different And which was I in? None. Never was. Stuck in the middle Caught in between Nowhere to belong Yet everywhere to go The only memento I hold Dear.

Theme 10: Breathe Cycle Inhale Let me tear myself apart To get a little room inside Help me clear out all the crap So I can breathe Exhale Get it all out of my chest So I don't have to keep it down And slowly choke myself 'Cause I can't breathe Inhale Focussing on that deep breath Since I don't really have a choice But to get clean air inside And suck it up

It's been some time coming, but I've been awesomely busy today. Here's a can't-set-my-mind-haiku. Theme 9: Cut Pain pays? Her legs a' pumping Bloody streamlets running down Attention unpaid

It's perfectly fine here I'd think Mai. Also: great job. I love it.

Alrighty. New day (past midnight, yo!) Theme 8: Away The hole of you I walked into the room that day Opened the door, prepared to be pounced And stood there, waiting for nothing I sighed in resignation as I saw Your spot on the couch, the table Void of any sign of your presence My nostrils flared, smelled the wolf But she too was gone I fell on the couch, a sigh of relief Finally some peace and quiet Both of us needed it But it panged, anyway The loss of you tore at my core Weird. Few things, few people have And it is with that hole in my being I walk around today, trying to fill it up With friends, and hellish lot of noise Yet the silly DJ killed the power But the friends, they're there And miss Neutrality on her way Mes amies: je t'adore.

Don't worry, you'll see more. I haven't been around this long to disappear after reaching an arbitrarily set ammount of postings in an arbitrarily set timeframe Hardest part of this challenge so far: I want to rush through it. If I didn't hold myself back, I'd be done by tomorrow evening. Good stuff.

Amen to that Snypiuer.

*returns the hug heartily* Yesterday, I would have said "worse". Now, I say "I just woke up, just hug me and hush!" ;p Naw. I really don't know. Feel iffy, but clean. Done my things. Nothing more I can do. ~~~~~ Theme 7: Heaven (it rhymes, you know. And *yay!* one week down) So should I pray to Him? That last moment of sitting there Just sitting there, and talking Silly little pets in balls, adorable Through the hurt, the anguish The mutual differences aside Life's insecurities rolled past That's where my mind stays In purgatory, the wretched must wait You telling me "I don't know When I'm leaving, or be back It all depends on Him now I cannot know His ways" Yet I know the old Lord Has never been a kind one And like a true passing, you went Without a proper chance for goodbye To return to your lost loved ones And I'm left here, disillusioned At least, I know that from this Heaven You'll one day return Yet I don't know if I should wish this upon you.

I just noticed I never read this, and wow, am I sorry. Like P said, originality is a myth, mostly. Every chord's been played, every word's been said, every thought's been thought. It's our job to rearrange them into something different. Something inherently ours. Or theirs. Or no one's. I love the role reversal you did here. It makes a strong story of mutual care, of kindness repaid. I especially love the lines of "Wash my face / With tears from your eyes". They make for a powerful image of cleansing through hurt and empathy. Snypiuer, my hat off to you.

Simple, clear, concise. Nothing left to take away. You, my old friend, should be musetickled more often.

Welcome to my burden here James. That it may be as pleasant a burden for you as it is for me. And you're off to a good start

I look forward to having a partner in crime James. To continue, a short one, but full enough: Theme 6: Break The Camel's Back Stuff rained down in disarray As You Bastard's calculations Thought to seek what it might weigh Since he felt the sensations Of that final strand of hay And sank through his foundations Queen Ptraci walked away To pursue her obligations Took her things without parley To see missed destinations And left You Bastard an array Of baseless allegations

So, while I'm doing the challenge, there's no reason I can't do unrelated stuff, so here goes. Bits of this have been nagging at me far too long. For those thinking there's some strange language in here, it's because apparently my control of the English language still isn't perfect at 6 am, while falling asleep in between writing ~~~~~ She exists there, perched on my couch And like I've been warned, her moods swing One minute smiling, cuddling the pup The other just, there. Cursing everything Lamenting the existence of herself, and all the world Around her, inside her, causing hurt and fatigue But everything, always, inside. And I look inside, and see myself. Reflected Upon slights glaring at me, saying "hey mate This is you, you're this. Your natural state of Frag the world, and everything, everyone in it Not as if I need you, you don't offer me anything Worth the investment of being thankful over Since really, it's all fleeting anyway, as I am I might as well fleet on. Sail my little boat across the oceans Of ennui and annoyance as I sing My eternal song of "I can do this Better. With more investment. I can take more from this. But then I do Not care about anything I could And anything I'd want to take keeps on Dissapearing behind this or the next wave Forever just out of grasp, as I fumble For the rigging that keeps all this together" And I look outside, and see you again Still perched like a queen of distant Disillusion hopes and dreams And the same thoughts hit me like waves Ebbing and flowing with the unsteady beat Of an exhausted man on his last breaths Why do I do this? What drives me to invest so much of that Of which I have so little; time, energy, cheer Into one I barely know, but share my bed with Into one who gives so little back, exempting Those rare moments of synchronised upswing When all I get is a smile, but it fills me with hope Like seeing the mast of your floundering Cardboard boat rise above a crest, triumphant Saying for the moment, we can take this And I can think of but one answer: For love. Yet I lie. How misplaced is that answer, seriously? It's not. Yet, it's so wrong. The question is Not, nor has ever been one of for what. Rather For love of whom, and why? What do I chase, really And I answer all anyone ever can: I listen to the stories I tell myself, chasing pipe dreams of things, people That have long dissappeared behind waves, behind me Because every time, I still see her, in you, like I did See myself in her, and you in me, and all our boats Tossed into one wave-valley by a stream of thought And every time I think I've something to make up To the both of you, and I won't ever to her And you? You just keep racking up the guilt Telling me whatever I do, it's not sufficient That no matter how hard I paddle, the next wave Will just carry you off again, out of reach And I look behind me, and see the world Outside my little bathtub of aggravations Where all this time, the tap's been running Water thundering down, the wavemaker Yet I haven't had the chance to pull the plug And I think to this world, forget about it I've been doing the same Hey world? I'm sorry. One day, a wave will carry me up within reach And I'll turn off the tap that created it Let my little tub of worries come to rest And say "Hey world, Thanks for paddling after me." But for now, I'll paddle after you Hoping one day, you'll turn off your tap That you may rest, recover, and tell me The same. Why? For love of howling at the Moon. As the most distant of friends Can feel closest at times.

Theme 5: Rot Time, flies You sit there mocking me emphasising my point: Time, I need more of it, always. While she sits there Waiting for me To prepare some of you Underlining the fact That while I feel bad You just go it While time slips from me It just passes for you Still, dear dinner We both grow old, white and hairy.

Theme 4: Dark (Figures, doesn't it?) Face to void So long ago, that I sat there Too long, since I had anywhere To sit there, just sit there And utter my way of a prayer. With or without moon The wind would sing its croon While my thoughts were just strewn As I let them go, this I swear The waves lapped at my feet Come rain, storm or sleet On the pier, my retreat Where I would so often repair. But always, those new year's As I would switch back gears Make good on my arrears As fireworks lit up the air Always it was me Always the darkness Face to void.

Oh how we long for that day Zool. Still, realise that writing every day doesn't necessarily mean posting every day. You can save up in the days without a net connection. ~~~~~~ Theme 3: Light (working through the basics here) Fuzzy Something about fuzz Because even the memory Has been trying At times, growing hairy Since everything fuzzy does -Everything alive- Eventually Still, the feeling's the same With the sun's fuzzy rays Filtered through a curtain Of early sunday morning And while I'd still pledge my smile To wake you up every time This precious, fuzzy gem -We still keep close to us 'Tween my hand and your belly- Is all we'll ever need So let's make light of it.

Lol Snypiuer, quick response there. Stop biscuiting about your commenting skills though, you've anything at all to offer, I'll accept it gladly. And yay for some extra incentive. Let's see what we can make of this. ~~~~~ Theme 2: Love (To have this exfenetrated) It might be good, but it's a bit cookie dough You know That hard, cold exterior You so proudly boast Hiding that doughy inside Was meant to be warmed Yet it's utterly frozen When we met, I expected More darkness inside you You promised me this What bits there were, dough coated and all, complimented Your vanilla make-up blend Too simple for the tastes Of most, some claim I would have, myself Had I not eaten you out So many wonderful times So every time we lay, Spoons in firm embrace And have our insides meet I thank your creators Mister B and Mister J, Truly I love you.

So right. I've decided to take up this challenge as a way to get out of my "I should write more" cycle of remarking that, but not following up. Also, it's a step in my admittedly ambitious plan to get myself to obey some discipline, instead of always balking at it. So what challenge is this? Some of you might have seen it floating around. I'll be trying to write a single poem every day, each to a different theme, for 100 days. At that rate, I should be finished in late juli. Let's see if I can keep this up. Feedback and comments are absolutely welcome in between my own stuff. Here goes: ~~~~~ Theme 1: Introduction First Coming two wolves pulled you your car standing there hood open, trunk crammed a traveler in body I wasn't just seeing where you were going where we were going since I travelled too and that first awkward second hug of first impressions quick, glancing, tentative summarised our not knowing what to do until the wolf brought the Moon down down out of sight but never out of mind.

I find this hard to place words to. Mind if I use yours? Oh, well if yours aren't any good either, let me try. Te feeling I get here s something we as writers must have all felt at some point, and by extension everyone creating anything, so pretty much everyone.It's recognisable, but almost in a way to be chewed out already, though the form you give it is refreshing. Your use of the rhyme scheme flows naturally for me, and doesn't seem forced at all. Nice feat there. Rythm, however, is something you could definitely use some work on, and meter by extension. Some lines and combinations thereof flow exceptionally well, other s are very jarring to me. Did you intend those to jar? The "darkly lurking" stands out in particular there. I think "where they lurk / while" would work much better there. Content-wise, I love the self-referencing of the second to last stanza. Futher, I guess the old adage is true. Admitting you've a problem is the first step to gettig out of it, and I guess you've taken the second here already. Nice and empowering. All in all, well done Jomeansme. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Let me just chip in here and say I've been checking in semi-regularly, but haven't been doing more than reading the Banquet Room and participating in the First Lines thing Gravia rebooted. This is actually the first time in two years, I think, that I've looked beyond the walls of the Banquet. What can I say? I love my food. What I've been up to since years back when I was actually active? Living with the person I checked in to talk to most, breaking up again, moving around, switching schools (Training to be a nurse, since I need a vocation where long legs and a blonde mane meet stereotypes. Sadly, 'ninja' lacks any appreciation for this, even though black suits me.) buying my own house, and general stuff. Guess that sortof sums it up. Expecting more from me would be a no go at the moment, since I'm trying to avoid all this vehement adherence to one type of activity that I've had before. You'll see me 'round from time to time though.

You, my friend, are worthy of worship. ;p

I can't really give this the time it deserves right now, and don't think I have to, really. Both good reads. The second one feels deep somehow. Good work there. I also like how the first sets a tone that's very much... like a conversation, I guess, but bordering on a "see? There really aren't any monsters under the bed" kind of feel, for me anyway. Good stuff as well One note of criticism though: don't explain the joke. (Disclaimer: tvtropes will ruin your life) Most of the time, a point brought across subtly will have far more impact than one brought with bravado, and feel more powerful to boot.

Nice, very nice indeed. Powerful. You keep on showing off that skill in building up through repetition, through adhering to a theme and following it out to the end. As Freyis said, you conjure up images with very little indeed, and such powerful images they are. Such powerful emotions they express. With the scant ammmount of material you achieve that with, it's an impressive feat indeed. Some nitpicking: did you mean to lose the 't' in "sanctuary" in the last three stanzas? Also "they were drown out" should probably be "they were drowned out" in all cases. Lastly, the last line of the second stanza has a double "the". That is, coincidentally, the only line that doesn't sit very well with me. It's powerful, vivid, but it doesn't fit the structure of the other stanzas very well, mostly because it's just longer. Perhaps something like "the hum of praying men" would work better? In the end though, what's more important: what do you think? How does playing around with formatting feel to you? Does it make things more difficult? Does it widen your options and your sense of what you can do?