Appy

 

Indeed you can!

Lovely, just lovely. I really like the setup you have here.

One thing that bothered me was the switching between characters that came out of nowhere.

Starting here:

Something really didn’t feel right to her about all of this.

Michael wanted to reach out to her, but didn’t think it would be a good idea so he kept his hands to himself

Up to this point everything Micheal did and said could be seen from Geni's position. But him wanting to reach out to her crossed into his position. That jolted me and might be something to keep your eye on as you write on.

 

And yesssss please write on!

 

MORE!

rain and fizzle

Damage control

\o/ Jechum!

 

...

 

..I'll just let you float... but it's good to see you

Glad you're back!

 

And I want to say that I really like the last one, both the message and the way you wrote it.

 

Keep at it

*hugs* sleep is important

What they said! *points upwards*

 

I'm definitely impressed by your poetry. And I can imagine that doing this everyday should make it easier as you progress, once the familiar pathways in your brain are activated again

 

Keep up the good work

Seattle proved that to a point...

 

Doing well! I just wanted to say that I follow your challenge and admire your poetry

 

Maybe someday I'll say something more specific but for now, keep going by all means!

*immediately seeks help* o_O

*hugs Mardrax* That bad huh? Doing wel on the posting though *'nother hug just because she can*

Hihihi

Wild roses on a bed of white

coldness enters;body into blight

 

Warm splatters on a bed of snow

hands twisted;boddily bloodflow

 

Dampening air above a bed of final

verification of ending life...

 

 

 

 

 

~There,fixed it, I suddenly saw what was wrong. It was the repetition of roses/petals ~

beautiful

 

Not sure what you think you need to work on so I'm not even starting.

 

Just wanted to say that this resonates with something within me and has me nodding and smiling about the truth of it, so well done already

Yes thank you for reminding me Hjolnai (what fun name to spell btw)!

 

Snypiuer (another fun spelling) you're doing a terrific job for sure! You have my respect and for me,whatever you're doing, it worked because I keep comming back to see what you did this time **

Took me long enough to figure out that I could actually participate here again http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif

 

Anyways... have a and keep up the good work *huggles*

I say AYE for the upgrade, but won't that confuddle the skin we have now?

It's a good rhythm and conveys what you wanna say in an elegant way.

So apart from niggling with the rhythm here and there and nit-picking on words it's good in my book already.

The one thing that threw me off was the duckling at the end. Where did that come from?

 

Good luck on your revising

Indeed this was a good read, good you wrote it

 

And a belated welcome from me also

Yay for wikis and episode lists. It should be episode nr. 217 or 218 in which it first appears. They were published in 2004-2005 (yes, it's an ongoing series even today) It's brilliant and you're going to love it and that goes for the whole series I do believe

So go get it

I just know that Luffy, the main character in One Piece, at some point aquires a Battle Afro and it's SOOOOO cool! So it could be an homage indeed, but from whom to whom?

Snypiuer: One Piece \o/

Sign me up for drive-by posting

Still reading, just not posting

\o/

 

*cuddles the small rodent*

 

Thank you