Sorciere

Welcome back

Well written Arwen, you are getting better and better.

I just enjoyed the book for a darn good read. I analyzed and destroyed enough good stories by looking for meanings when I was in school, I refuse to do it with this one also

Excellent!

Ooooooh, you added more, love the way this is going, keep it up!

I really like this! This isn't my usual type of reading at all, but I could not stop once I started. In particular I found the to and froing of the story between past and present worked really well. It should make a great comic series, well done!

BIG thanks to Alaeha who went through this for me and pointed out some great alterations and grammatical points (I always was useless with punctuation hehe). This is the revamped version. I can't stand it... can't you see the twisting your words cause in me, The writhing they stir up inside, The anguish I am forced to hide? If only you could see deep down, The person here inside this clown... I make the jokes to warm your soul, while mine is frozen in this hole. I tell myself that you love me, but it is getting hard to see. Your comments finding open wounds... Your questions seeking hidden rooms... The marks are mounting on my skin from cuts you make from deep within. If only you could truly see Just what your words have done to me I cannot hold this ache for long I soon will sing my bitter song Maybe then you'll realize: I'm all the things that you despise... That in my heart I am the one You laugh, insult and taunt for fun. That I, the one you hold so dear am also one at whom you sneer Then what thoughts will find your mind? Then, will you think you've been unkind? The words you let fall from your lips, That stab like knives and sting like whips Maybe it will let you see How much you have hurt carelessly. If I must, I will reveal Maybe then my soul will heal.

love it!

Ellie ran from the entrance of the cave to the small raised area overlooking her town. The big rumble of thunder she had heard from deep inside the darkness had startled her, it was supposed to be sunny all day! As she stood on the grass with her skirt pulled close up to her waist, huddling her harvest of small mushrooms, she stared with a puzzled expression. The sun was shining down on her just as it had been earlier that afternoon when she ran from her home and up to the cave, despite her mother's warning to stay close by. They were supposed to go to her aunt's at the beach that afternoon but papa had decided to stay one more day to finish his work, she hated papa's work, but mommy said it's what put food in her tummy, so when he asked if she minded waiting just one more sleep, she had not objected at all. Ellie loved to pick mushrooms, in the small deep cave there was one particular spot where they grew in abundance. It was a tricky little walk to reach them, you had to balance very well, her friend Tabitha could never come here, she couldn't even balance on the school beam. Ellie however, was quite the little gymnast and could quite easily manage to creep her way through the cave in the darkness. It was here that she first heard the big rumble of thunder. A little paniced, she tried to rush out of the cave too fast and slipped, spilling her precious cargo over the dark floor. Ellie thought for a second. If her momma was to find out she was here, which she surely would if she arrived home all wet and dirty, she would be smart to at least take the mushrooms. At least something for dinner would abate her momma's scorn. Ellie knelt down on the floor and began groping in the dark for the fungii, slowly recollecting all she had scattered. After filling up her her skirt to bursting, she made her way to the entrance. The clear bemusement on Ellie's face was evident. She was sure she had heard the thunder, even a five year old knows what the bad clouds sound like! Sure enough there was a big huge cloud in the afternoon sky, but it was the only one. Around it the sky was gloriously blue and although there seemed to be quite a harsh wind all of a sudden, there was no rain. Looking down towards her small town of Bentley Rapids, Ellie could see something was very wrong. There were little clouds of smoke coming from a lot of places. Old Mrs Harley's place always smoked like that, but that was on account of the crows in her chimney, this was every house! In fact, the houses didn't even look right. Ellie's eyes quickly shot across to where her own little yellow house stood. Her papa had pointed it out to her from this very spot just last spring. He told how grateful she should be that they had a house like that and a view like this and that people in other places had no shoes on their feet and no food in their tummies. Ellie was grateful, very grateful. She was even safe walking the half mile to the cave to get her mushrooms, in other towns papa said they wouldn't even let their children play outside after dark! Her house wasn't there. Well, it was, maybe. Something was there, but it too was smoking and it certainly wasn't yellow. A rush of fear ran through Ellie like a jolt of electricity and she dropped all her mushrooms on the floor about her, not even noticing she had done so. Running down the hill towards her home, tears of panic welled up in her eyes and she repeatedly stumbled on the rocks and twigs laid in her path. She had to venture through town to reach her house, but as it came closer, Ellie could see now why everything looked so wrong from the hill. It was all gone. The houses were all black and burning, some were gone completely, only a mass of bricks remained. Cars all looked the same, a dull black colour, only their shapes told them apart and they were all up the wrong way. The worst thing Ellie only noticed by chance. She was walking carefully along the pavement avoiding all the blackened marks and heaps of burnt rubbish when she looked down and saw a small Snoopy dog, the pullalong kind. It was eerie in it's appearance because it was still coloured, the only thing in her view that was. She followed her line of vision from it's red bobbing tail, still wagging in the desolate wind, to the cord used to pull it along. At the end of the cord was a little hand and attached to the hand was another pile of black rubbish. Only then did Ellie realise she had not been dodging rubbish, but bodies, people, everywhere. The scream didn't last for long, the faint for only a few minutes. When she opened her eyes again, everything was still the same as her nightmare. Quietly Ellie took the Snoopy dog from the little child who did not resist and she pulled it along behind her, strolling up the street together as if in some surreal TV show. Ellie wanted her momma. She wanted her papa too, but she couldn't remember where she lived anymore. Right at the sweetshop, left at the barbershop, straight past the bank and then another right at the garage. She remembered her directions perfectly, but nothing was here anymore. Ellie couldn't tell the sweetshop from the grocery store or Mrs Harley's house, they were all just masses of black. Another rumbling noise vibrated through Ellie's body, this one came from the ground though, not the sky. Just as she was about to run, she saw a big truck heading down the street towards her. Two men in spacemen suits got out and started towards where she was stood. She wanted to run, but her head hurt and there was really nowhere to run to, so when they approached her and asked her her name, she smiled sweetly and answered Ellie, then fainted again. She woke up in the back of the truck, alone. She turned her head to see the two men in the front talking to each other through their masks. One was a big man, the other a lot smaller. The big man seemed angry, he was yelling about mistakes and accidents and a 30 mile Contamy Nation zone, how Mr Roosevelt was messing with things he didn't understand. Ellie thought it was wrong to talk about Mr President that way, but declined to speak up. The little man was disagreeing with him, saying how New Clear was the way to go, that one mistake was not enough to stop progress. Ellie didn't know what New Clear was, but it sounded very important! As they drove from the town, Ellie went back to sleep, her head hurt so much now and her arms were itchy, so itchy............ "Ellie? Honey?" you need to wake up little lady, daddy wants to talk to you. Ellie opened her eyes and saw her momma stood over her like a blue angel. Ellie jumped up from the couch where she had been napping and took a good long look around the room, then at her momma. "Are you ok honey?" her mother asked. Ellie ran to the window and looked outside, everything was just as it should be. "I'm fine!" grinned Ellie and ran to where her papa was stood out on the porch. "Baby, I really need to finish some work here before we go to aunt louise's beach house, I know you really wanted to go today, but is it ok if we just stay one more sleep here?" "NO!" screamed Ellie. It hurt her so to shout this way to her papa, he was a lovely man. "We have to go today! We have to go now! I wanna go to aunt louise's!" Ellie put on the tantrum of her life. She went red, she screamed, the tears came all by themselves. "Please papa, let us go today, pleaseeeeeeeeee?" she looked up into his big, brown eyes, then turned to see her momma stood at the door staring at her in disbelief. "Well, ok then, we'll go today, if you feel that strongly about it Ellie. I really should get this work done though, I hope you realise the trouble you are going to cause me young lady!" Ellie nodded. As they climbed into the car and drove on the highway out of town, she thought to herself that her papa being mad with her for a few days would be worth it and as fifty five miles east of Bentley Rapids, the radio announced a huge nuclear explosion which stretched over a thirty mile radius and wiped out almost everything in it's path, she knew it was worth it. (Please excuse any typos, I have tried to proofread it, but I don't have a spellcheck on here yet and you know when you try to read something you just wrote, the errors hide in the story)

He's dutch, close though! Both foreign to me hehe

I have to just say I have a soft spot for Victor Hugo too, although I have never really seen or read Les Mis To see the quotes from his works here makes me smile so much!

Ooooooooooooooooooh love it, more more more!

Just listened to the song, love it even more now, bravo!

I really like this, it would be nice to know what tune you actually wrote it to fit with, then I could really get an idea of how it's supposed to sound.

Thank you Alaeha, you're right I think about breaking it up, or your eyes seem to just run along the page, I had the same problem myself this morning (That's what happens when you post at a silly hour hehe) so here is the sliced version. for those who liked it the way it was, I left it intact at the beginning of the post Can't you see The twisting your words cause me? The writhing they stir up inside The hurt they force my face to hide If only you could see deep down The person here inside this clown I make the jokes to warm your soul Within I try to keep control I tell myself you do love me But it is getting hard to see Your comments finding open wounds Your questions seeking hidden rooms The marks are mounting on my skin From cuts you make from deep within If only you could truly see What your words can do to me I cannot hold the ache for long I will soon sing my bitter song Maybe then you'll realise I am the things that you despise That in my heart I am the one You laugh, insult and poke for fun That the one you hold so dear Is also one at whom you sneer What will pass across your mind? The thoughts of how you've been unkind? The words you let fall from your lips That stab like knives and sting like whips Maybe it will make you see How much you can hurt easily If I must, I will reveal So I can begin to heal.

Or maybe I'll be there, when times are tried Hmmm on second thoughts, that's probably a bit obscure, even for me! I love the poem though and by removing that 'the' in that line, I had no trouble with flow, as far as the actual subject goes, absolutely loved it.

Can't you see The twisting your words cause me? The writhing they stir up inside The hurt they force my face to hide If only you could see deep down The person here inside this clown I make the jokes to warm your soul Within I try to keep control I tell myself you do love me But it is getting hard to see Your comments finding open wounds Your questions seeking hidden rooms The marks are mounting on my skin From cuts you make from deep within If only you could truly see What your words can do to me I cannot hold the ache for long I will soon sing my bitter song Maybe then you'll realise I am the things that you despise That in my heart I am the one You laugh, insult and poke for fun That the one you hold so dear Is also one at whom you sneer What will pass across your mind? The thoughts of how you've been unkind? The words you let fall from your lips That stab like knives and sting like whips Maybe it will make you see How much you can hurt easily If I must, I will reveal So I can begin to heal. (please excuse any typos, so very tired, so very, very, tired and distracted! Sorciere casts an eye over the beer talkers in #thepen

I believe this link should answer any questions you have, also there is always advice in #thepen Becoming a Member

So glad you made it here, this place is full of so much talent. I already told you I love the way this is written, so obscure yet it tells such a story. I hope you will become a regular here and maybe even apply to be a member once you have settled in!

Quality, plenty of it. I told you so Regel.

Happy Birthday!

Haha, I haven't altered anything. I was mulling over it when the pattern of the thread seemd to change in my direction I am so happy to see it bring out so many other quotes from various sources though, when writing it I felt it was something that meant a lot to a lot of people for different reasons. Thankyou all.

I really like this as it is, it has a flow all of it's own, it doesn't have to rhyme, it is still consistent in it's pattern, I don't feel anything needs changing, unless, as you said, you wish to expand on it, which could easily be done, Very good first post in my opinion!

Sorciere walks into the bar heading for her usual stool in the corner when she sees a familiar figure sat at the bar, Oh my, Louve!! You made it here? That's great! Glad to see you got so many lovely welcomes, people here are so nice! However, I am one of the lucky ones who have already made your acquaintence, so, where's my drink? On a more serious note, glad to see you in here, I hope you find it interesting and fun. Sorry my being here might have spoiled that for you hehe, but nevertheless, welcome!!

A most welcome addition! So glad to see you in here Regel