wyldpatienz

Very nicely done. This is a wonderful tribute to your mother. Words are the most powerful thing on this earth, its what links us together and creates what we call "humanity." I'm sure your mother knows how you feel and though it looks like I'm the first to comment on your piece, I think your mother read it way before I did. Tyler

Simply stunning. I'm not a big poetry reader. I like Mary Oliver and that's about it,lol. So, when I see a poem I like well enough to praise the writer I consider it above and beyond alot of the published poetry out there today. This is beautifully subtle. The line "...the construction of cities beyond your irises"....makes me feel that even though he was standing right there with her, she appeared to be miles away within the depth of her knowledge and just a secret knowing of things he can't grasp. Well done. Tyler

That sure isn't a story you'd expect to hear at church but(once you get past the first story, I was a little green myself,lol)there's a beauty to it that shows the continuity of nature and the harsh lessons to be learned from it. I'm an animist so I equated the stories more along a nature angle than a religious one but good stories none the less. And you're right: somehow things become more real...more personal....when you use examples from your own life instead of always writing an interpretation of others. Thanks for sharing. Tyler

This is a beautiful piece of writing. You've combined an observers' view and your personal emotions superbly. You've covered a lifetime in so few words. Well done. Tyler

Funny, I've never written anything on depression. I don't know a whole lot about it. I know I haven't seen my family in 20 years and my father died ten years ago and I just found out a few months back. I dreamed once that my mother told me she'd never loved me and the only thing I was frustrated about was why she hadn't told me sooner....then I wouldn't have wasted all that time trying to make her do something she was incapable of. I left a 15 year relationship because I felt my lover could do so much better without me and that bothers me more then the child I gave up for adoption when I was 16. And that fact about that fact...bothers me. And I know I don't want anyone's pity....though I think sometimes I might be better off if I did. Instead, its just how things have gone because of stupid decisions on my part.....and I look at other couples and feel as though I'm on the outside looking in...because I don't understand much of what I see..... I know I have days where getting out of bed is a major decision but I don't cry anymore.....and i don't know if that should bother me or not. I know I try very hard to make those around me happy and when they are, I step back because for some reason, its not for me to share. And I know I tried to commit suicide out in the desert last year and I remember climbing onto a small peak and looking out over the desert and it being so still....so very still....I could hear the beat of my heart with each breath and I sat down and waited for both of them to stop with a feeling of relief. I think depression is...not knowing anything about it at all. Its not knowing if the decisions you make are best for you or those around you....or if what you're feeling in a certain situation is the same repsonse everyone around you would have if they were in your shoes. When I was growing up, I lived in a neighborhood called the Cove down in Panama City, Florida. I used to go running at night and the roads were like a maze and if you didn't know your way around, you could be out there for awhile. But I used to like to run by peoples' houses and look in....and watch them eating dinner, or sitting in front of the tv, or reading a book, or just talking in their living room. (yes, there's a law against this, I know,lol) and i remember feeling very distant, not lonely, but very alone. With depression I think you're just "out there" running by in the dark as everyone else goes about living their lives.

WyldPatienz casually glances down at her lap, wondering how the lizard could mistake her for a male. "Hmmm....nothing seems to be protruding..", she thought, eyeing the lizard with suspicion. "Could it possibly be...the rather abstract and sensual nature of the application? Nahhh....that couldn't be it.....I don't think it needed to have one of my patented "Caution! Pervert At Work!" stickers on it..." She shifts uneasily as the lizard, muttering to himself, begins to pull box after box off of a dusty shelf. Box. After. Box. After. Box. Wyld knows she's in for the long haul. "Uhhhh....you know," she begins, precariously balancing hastily proffered bottles. "I...uhhhh....used to write strictly horror....and...uhhh....one of the stories I published was about a half-crazed Amway salesman that..." She pauses, watching the scaly lizard's tail slap the ground for balance as he upends himself in a particularly large box. "I...uhhhh....you know....hide from Mormons....and I've never bought a Kirby...so you're really wasting your time......" She sits back down with a heavy sigh. "Looks like I'll be here for awhile...." she thinks. "I sure hope one of my room mates takes my pet oyster out for a walk, he gets so cranky when he has to stay in all day..." WyldPatienz@darkhorsefan.net

Beautiful writing. Thanks for sharing this... Tyler

Here's my application for membership. It might seem a little odd but I've been trying to break a writers' block by just writing bits and pieces of characters I still have an interest in. So, here's a....uhhhh....bit....or piece I guess..... Her voice was husky, sand on silk, and contained a sly invitation he found impossible to ignore. Nodding, slack-mouthed, he stared at her, wanting her with the need of younger days. "Her eyes are so black." he mused, drifting away. She stepped closer and his thoughts strayed back to a summer storm earlier that week, the pale yellow charge of quiet before the crash of thunder. (that's her nature, that hushed expectancy...) How had he ever thought her to be nothing more than just a girl? She was beautiful and the black of her hair spread on the dark earth beneath a bone white moon called to him in words unknown and he saw himself with this vision, laying with her, filling her with all the gifts he had to offer. And the moon would hide its grin and it would be so black and cold. And good. (and the things she'd teach me...the eyes of the dark...shadows in shadows...attending the danse arm in arm, where the mummers wear lunatic smiles and little else....and our souls unmask at midnight beneath a phantom moon.....) He fell back, his hands scrabbling behind him and clutching at the comfortably solid dirt, his arthritis nothing but a dim memory. Yeah, I know its odd,lol..... Tyler

<lost in the many rooms of the mighty Pen Keep> "Oh, don't worry about me, I'm cool, just take your time. Uhhh....can you tell me how to fold this map back up???? Tyler

Tralla, I was going to give you an in-depth crit on this, paragraph by paragraph but I can't do it. The entire story is excellent. I don't see any flaws, no meanderings,no flat spaces where the story dosen't move. You have just enough description of everyone and everything without losing your reader and you know the secret of using one sentence or word to convey an entire visual. This always makes for nice, tight writing. I have to be brutally honest here....I don't read alot of fantasy because there's not very much of it I like. I don't like complicated family trees, having to learn an entire language before I start Chapter One, or stilted conversation. I could go on and on about what I don't like,lol. But yours is a book I'd buy and that's saying alot for me. Its a story...not a narrative, or a history lesson,or a lengthy speech. And that's what I want in my books. Tyler

Falcon2001, I love the use of adjectives. I know they can be used too much but you don't have to worry about that in this piece, you've got a good balance. I thought, at first,that your writing(its not quite a poem or a short story so I'll just use "writing")was going to be a descriptive slice of nature but the line "But stability leaves the boundaries unseen..."definitely made it more personal and spiritual. A very good, tight, piece of writing. Tyler

Peredhil Lol...ok,ok,I love corny humor...(I've actually seen "Mars Attacks!" 4 times) so I loved the opening, 'specially the line about having their brains hooked out through their noses. Ok, I also like macabre humor as well. The interesting thing about this piece was, at first, the mummies aren't threatening in any way really, they come across as drunken bumbling fools. But your ending showed a quick turn of events, giving a peek into the true nature of the entire tale. A nice quick sense of horror in the final paragraph. from the small bit of conversation I can tell you have a good command of dialogue and you're not afraid to use familiarality(is that a word? hmmm.... )in your speech. The casual tone of their interaction goes really well with the story. Good job. Tyler

Vlad, Wow....that word just about says it all. I don't know why you don't think you can write short stories, this is a beautiful piece. The parallel between Rachel and the bird created a forlorn sense in the feeling that they both craved freedom and the third person narrative made the story flow in a pure but sad fashion. A beautiful piece of work. Tyler

The Big Pointy One, Could you be me???? That would sure explain alot..... The "Other" Tyler No more spam from me either, I promise...

WrenWind, A nice, short powerful piece of writing. The final sentence is beautiful, I love the words "spirit-kissed"... Nice piece, Tyler