Rune

hehe its kind of funny in a way..I imagine a fellow running away with an arrow in his bum and the girl going "hai, didnt miss ya"

Great Poem!

I agree that in an ideal world people would use the debate to grow as writers and even fortify their beliefs..but I worry that instead they will be hurt, and withdraw from the pen and disappear.

Maybe its not my place to protects others though.

Rune shrugs and wanders out of the room, her arms hanging listlessly by her side.

Having been hurt by words recently..in a debate situation, I am also emotional on the subject and perhaps it is best if my previous posts were ignored as the points made might be biased based on the past.

Welcome Wren!

Examples of debate on another forum I mod... Some are good, others are ok..some are horrible. Just be aware that the pen is a public forum and can therefore have anyone post in response. As it is currently a debate might not get out of hand..but opening the doors to debate and new members coming in might not be something we want.

-debate- power

debate - No to War in Iraq Thread...

Debate: Stupid protesters!

Debates are fun, but I have a funny feeling that there are people at the pen who would be offended if a debate were to get heated or even serious.

A good example is War. When posting on war, some might post their opinions which directly offend or hurt someone who has lost a loved one due to war. It opens up alot of doors that should have been left closed and can make enemies of those we now consider friends. You must also remember that we have young (both in age and experience) writers here who are passionate about their opinion and older writers who are skilled in debate. I just worry that our different views and levels of experience might also cause harm. Kind of like throwin a skilled boxer in the ring with a person who has only fought once or twice. The purpose of a debate is to win! well to a degree anyways. And most people are fiercly competative.

Please do not continue the debate in this thread. If you want to debate on religion and it is the general consensus of the masses that it is alright..I would make a new topic with the word DEBATE in the title and continue there...so that those of us that are hurt easily by the arguments can avoid the threads.

Hey! You graduated the same year I did.

And I like the poem, its just a casual poem written at a tough time. I think it portrays the feelings of leaving very well.

I love gray.

Not sure why but if the word gray is involved I¡¦m gonna like it.

With that aside, your poem paints both a childish picture in my mind as well as a very thoughtful adult portrait.

The childish version views a girl, about 7.. wearing all gray with black hair and white skin. She is standing next to a group of children who are playing, wearing bright vivid colors like an open crayola box. She walks towards them, and they drop the ball they were tossing to one another to point and stare. Their fascination with the difference between themselves and the newcomer based entirely on the way they differ in physical appearance floods their senses to where they soon become so absorbed that the color floods from their clothing and faces to leave them hollow shells of once they what were. The girl does not understand and drifts away companionless and confused. Innocence in my child's eye does not read complexity into the poem..and does not view the girl as the instigator of the problems..but rather as the victim.

The adult portrait sees it as a view on life and how people are different from one another. Also noticing manipulation and other forms of forced change. My adult eye seems to place the blame on the subject because she is different.

Overall its bloody brilliant.

Wow, I got caught up in that one. I could hear the music and see the notes and the orchestra. I am always impressed when someone can paint a visual picture of sound.

Great job.

Only thing that stands out that seems alittle odd is:

"Made of notes.

You take care not to note,"

The repetition of the word note so close together.

Hmmm, It reminds me of intercourse. Or at least that moment right before deciding to have intercourse with someone for the first time and then how time seems to slow down to an enternity when you make that decision either to proceed or wait. The visual pictures just seemed to click for me in that direction.

Great poem, Thank you for sharing.

Good morale lesson in there. Great poem overall.

"S next time you feel ashamed just look at your self,"

S next? Typo or is there a missing word?

Thank you for sharing.

"it made me analyze every tear" <-- That hits close to home.

Amazing Wren. I am so glad you decided to share your work. Please post more.

*giggles* To think of the elderly as harpies!

That is just too good.

Society teaches us that we should view the elderly respectably no matter what the case and as such most people who tackle the subject will always write something nice and respectful. I find it refreshing that you described it as you experienced it.

bamboozled is such a good word.

bam! some boooozes, and an led light. >___<

Ok well I like the word.

@___@

*is speechless*

Its like a mini epic poem.

Tragedy! Magestic sights! Good stuff.

Great job Yabden, I look forward to reading more of your stuff..and welcome to the Pen!

The stages of the things we love. Adornment, Protection, Forgotten. Reminds me of treasures I had as a kid that I was so protective over because I loved them so much that I barely ever used them.

Thank you for sharing.

You guys are all so talented to able to respond to one another in poem form.

Amazing poem Passion. It is interesting how the act of suicide is glorified in the beginning but then chastised at the end.

Hmm, I think the repetation of the statement "Lies all lies" takes away from it. I would leave it at the top but remove the second posting of it. The one at the end varies slightly so it is alright. I think your examples portray the frustration without the extra in your face wording of "Lies all lies."

Formatting might also help, maybe adding some commas to slow the word flow..and a period here or there to mark the end of a complete thought.

You could post this in "The Writers Workshop" if you wanted some more in dept crits if it is a work in progress.

Wonderful poem Rival. Excellent comment Lord.

I think this is my favorite one so far that youve posted. Now when ya gonna put up your app?

Rune teases Rival before giving him a hug.

Good work.

I stumbled over "now know" but I think that is just me. I kept trying to say "know now" and it threw the flow of the poem off a tiny bit.

Thank you for sharing, and Welcome to the pen.

I like it short and direct. I think it could be expanded on but that would make it an entirely different poem.

Thank you for sharing.

heh I was wonderin what post he was referring to. Makes more sense now that I know you took care of it

Only 3 of those were from Ashton regarding the post delete tho. They are just random board notifications. No huge deal, would just be nice if peeps check their email is all.

This is an example of what im getting every hour or so..notice the date stamp? Got all of these in less than 2 minutes.

http://www.protocolseven.com/_pages/madposts.gif

Wow. Its very impactful although Im not quite clear on the exact message which to me means that it is written very well. Even when hard to understand certain poems just seem to make a connection.

Thank you for sharing.