Rune

I really like the story feel to this poem, and the subtle morale that is buried under the words if one chooses to read it in search of a lesson. There are a few things that seem to stand out kind of awkwardly to me, but they might be part of the style of the poem.

The repetition of the words elder and youth seem to stumble throughout the poem. Although they are important to distinguish between the two forces at work perhaps there is a better way to tell them apart?

For example:

The youth attacks first quick and true are his blows

Calm and cautions is the Elder man blocking every attack with tiny thrusts.

Then comes the elders mans blows, steady and precise are they.

First blood he draws.

Maybe something more like:

The youth attacks first quick and true are his blows

Calm and cautions is the elder man, blocking every attack with tiny thrusts.

Then comes his set of blows, steady and precise are they.

First blood he draws.

Just a thought!

Thank you for sharing.

The revision is wonderful. The subject is refreshing because it is different and the references are carried out well. I think Justin pretty much hit it on the head otherwise.

Thank you for sharing.

Limping through a life,

Hiding these secrets,

Confusing yourself,

Those are 3 very very powerful lines. Limping through life, hiding the secrets (or the wounds) and confusing yourself. I really like "limping through a life"

I like the structure and overall feeling of the short bursts of lines. It almost reminds me of someone looking in a mirror or standing in the dark and proclaiming thoughts about themselves to anyone who will listen... with little concern for whether the other people in the room or not understand what they mean.

The imagery is vivid and intense. Does a great job of personifying the "lost.” Structure and proper punctuation might help a bit to keep the reader from losing their spot in the poem. Overall an excellent read.

Thank you for Sharing.

Wow thats really well written. I like the wording and the general sentance structure. Overall its very grand.

Thank you for sharing.

Something about the sing songness bothers me. I think it is because each rhymes with the line directly below it. But that is a personal preference, and the poem should not be altered simply because of it.

The subject is presented well. The last few sections really tie into the first few. The comment regarding his/her mother and the final statement about burning the pictures and the coward proclamation makes it very strong.

Thank you for sharing!

Its really beautiful and a statement about life that should not be over looked. With all the eye candy and technology to keep us busy nowadays..I wonder if people go through life without realizing those things that you captured so well in your poem.

I agree that the formatting is a bit strange. Kind of mademe stumble over it a bit.

*swoons* So complex and multi faceted, so many different subjects and situations all jumbled into one. So many personalities that feel so lifelike and complete but also seem so connected and maintained.

Gah, im in awe. @__@

*huggles* No worries, Take a break! The pen is not going anywhere And friendships can outlast pretty much anything.. even distance. Just be sure to come by every once in awhile and let us know your doing alright.

*scampers off*

You did great wyldpatienz! You can comment on any of the pieces here in this thread

Oh and by the way there is no late. You can submit works to any of the themes at any time.

Thats wonderful Cyril. It was really neat to see it in progress as well. Thank you for your submission!

*claps for Yui*

Brilliant, as usual.

Deadline - 4/12. You may start submitting works at any time by replying to this thread. If the deadline passes and you still want to submit something you wrote that is fine too. It's mainly just to inform people when a new theme will be created. This isnt a contest, just a sort of creative exercise.

Comments: Comments can be added to this thread as well in response to someone’s work. Just be sure to specify who's work you are commenting on.

Questions: Questions about the theme should be limited, mainly because it is open ended. It is up to you as the writer/artist to determine what you want to write about. The only requirement is that the word Dustbunnies is the main theme of the piece in some manner or another.

A new theme will be created on Friday of next week by me so be sure to look for it!

If you have an idea for a future theme, drop me a PM. Ill add it to the list and just randomly pull them as the weeks go on. Remember the theme must be just one word.

BTW This is entirely in development. If you have an idea to make it better just lemme know. Ill be glad to change it for however people want it.

Last weeks theme: Weekly Writing Theme - Hope

Previous weeks themes: Weekly Writing Theme - Spirit

hmm either GFX is doing some sort of april fools joke or they are charging now or something or other.

But in reality with the future developing what it is, you will be able to paint something digitally and have a computer print and produce the artwork using a media that might not be oils, but something so similiar that future generations may never know.

What happens if in the future people start to think a paintbrush is only for painting furniture?

Very true, Epilogue and Deviantart are amazing sites as well. Granted Deviantart isnt quite as selective but if you search there are some amazing artists out there.

I find it interesting that most of the people on GFX use Photoshop and Painter to create images that look identical to oil and canvas. Also makes me wonder if there will be a time in future where Oil and Canvas creations will cease to exist. Afterall digital artwork is not only cheaper, but easier to use for most.

GFX Artist

Figured some people might enjoy looking through the fantasy artwork of the GFX community.

Rune boggles at the flaw in her perfect logic. "Now why didnt I think of that?" she asks herself, then shrugs when herself does not respond.

"Maybe it wouldnt be a good idea to leave a note. I mean we arnt leaving the keep at this point and a trail could be a deadly thing. How bout we tell someone where we are going so that if someone we can trust is looking for us they can inform them. Mabye Zool?" She added, glancing at the nearest picture frame which showed Peredhil clad in a yellow pair of swim trunks and holding an umbrella. She giggled at the picture and then turned back to the crowd.

*sniffles* oops, might be alittle demon snot in there too.

*rubs her arm across her nose*

*sniffles*

The scripts were ran on the day this one was posted it looks like, hence why it did not get moved in the process. I did verify that the post right before this one is present on this board.

Sorry for the troubles.

I've been reading this story all along and all I can say at this point is "amazing"

Ill write up something more intelligent than that after I get done drooling on your talents. ^__^

The worst part is that he is a kid, well a young adult anyways..around 17 or 18. (Granted it is possible that all of this is a lie as the internet so commonly gives birth to, but for now I will believe that it is truth since I have been given no reason for a lie)

Soon he will be out in the real world with real people and I do not see his behavior suddenly changing. I wonder how many families this behavior will cascade down to. I wonder how many more Children will be hurt because one person decided that physcial punishment to the extreme is the best response.

Sorry if this post has offended anyone. It was not my intention. I am a moderator on that board and as a result I have to find a creative way to deal with the situation without scaring the kid off. Hopefully I can come up with something that will maybe make him stop and think about what is best and not what is habit.

So a couple of people have posted things that are on their mind here over the last few weeks. I have something heavy on my mind..and since there is no one around at the moment to talk to regarding it I thought I would post it here to get it off my chest.

There is not much that can be said in response to the following but it bothers me none the less. I know of people that have been in physical abusive relationships in the past but it seems that most of the time the person doing the beating does not really mean to harm the individual on the receiving end (either because of a substance abuse or mental problems). This is the first case I have ran across where a witness to the situation seems to promote the abuse as a means for "justice" and it really pains me to know that there is a child involved.

Here are the quotes from another message board in relation to what I am talking about.

Anyways about two days ago at 7 am I wake up to the sound of some very loud yelling. It's my mom yelling at my 12 year old sister and hitting her. I wake up say SHUT THE **** up I'm trying to sleep. She continues yelling and I go over there and I see my sister on the ground trying to block herself while my mom hits her. Anyways I'm about to restrain her and this strange flashback comes up to me for about 2-3 secs and I refrain from restraining and I grin then leave.

I responded with "So you didnt stop her from hitting your sister?"

Nope. I didn't.. My life is crazy. My parents are bad enough and crazy enough to be their own tv show family.

 

But No I didn't restrain her. Plus I'm a believer of what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I see fists as a form of self imposed Justice. Shame and Blame go hand and hand and that's what I prefer to fight with. I see violence "physical" As the last resort or the ultimate when talking things out don't work. Rarely do I use actual violence with the family but if they don't listen sometimes a good restraining or a physical blow from their blood usually means more then words. Ever hear that anyone can stab someone or beat someone with a weapon but feeling the sting from a persons fists does far more?

I can understand someone feeling that only the strong will survive but this just seems so warped and disgusting.

Deadline - 4/5. You may start submitting works at any time by replying to this thread. If the deadline passes and you still want to submit something you wrote that is fine too. It's mainly just to inform people when a new theme will be created. This isnt a contest, just a sort of creative exercise.

Comments: Comments can be added to this thread as well in response to someone’s work. Just be sure to specify who's work you are commenting on.

Questions: Questions about the theme should be limited, mainly because it is open ended. Hope could be the name of the main character or a discussion of your faith which provides Hope in times of need or anything that comes to mind. It is up to you as the writer/artist to determine what you want to write about. The only requirement is that the word Hope is the main theme of the piece in some manner or another.

A new theme will be created on Friday of next week by me so be sure to look for it!

If you have an idea for a future theme, drop me a PM. Ill add it to the list and just randomly pull them as the weeks go on. Remember the theme must be just one word.

BTW This is entirely in development. If you have an idea to make it better just lemme know. Ill be glad to change it for however people want it.

Last weeks theme: Weekly Writing Theme - Spirit