Silver WInd

I first wrote this as part of a challenge, and though a part of me likes how it came out, I am not sure I am completly satisfied with leaving it as is. Any suggestions on revision or things that should be changed, added, and so forth, would be appercaited. On the eve of the end I remember sitting upon the rooftops watching the stars pass overhead then I should have known, it was the last night we sould spend together as one. On the eve of the end I recall we were drinking whiskey and gin, but even then, we both could feel that something was long gone that would never be found again. On the eve of the end the wind was cool and the music was hot but we were withdrawn from the world and from us. On the eve of the end I will never forget how we tried to ignore what was already done even if we were afraid to admit it there was nothing left Nothing but that night when we no longer had the strength to try and hold on for another minitue when we could not continue to deny it. Lies truth betrayal Things that just drift on by now seeming to be without any real meaning. It was the eve of the end of us, if ever we were to begin with.

Castle Deep In the darkness Raven takes wing secrets whisper from the shadows listen to deaths chorus sing come out and play the laughter bids Midnight strikes upon this hour mark as the candle flame turns blue rise high the spires of power come out and play laughter bids Enchantress let her spells be cast souls all rise for moonlit dance looking deep into the distant past come out and play laughter bids Haunted this castle may still stand from the walls eyes always watching a skeleton against the dead land come out and play laughter bids.

Thank you very much, and yes you are right, I do not know what I was thinking when I did that

This is very nicely down, very emotional. I love the lines:

Thank you

Rain For Me Soulful the rain cries for me beneath the shinning moonlight how one wishes to be free Dancing joyful across the lea without cause from dawn till midnight soulful the rain cries for me Beneath the shelter of mournful willow tree feeling the shadows tremble in fright how one wishes to be free To look to the stars with nothing but glee hidden away from all hint of plight soulful the rain cries for me In the distance the sound of the sea thundering with all its might how one wishes to be free Beauty as far as the eye can see to find something of worth and hold on tight soulful the rain cries for me how one wishes to be free.

Broken I am broken you left me this way now bitter my tears fall filled with shame shame that is because of you I cannot face myself. I cannot face the world. I try to hide but my shadow hunts me down Will anything take away this pain? The pain you have placed inside? An ill seed planted too deep in my mind. Will I be whole again? Well again? I no longer remember the taste of laughter instead tonic is all I ever know. For a dreamless sleep I seek but some days I wish never to wake again. I am left on the outside and I feel accusing eyes but what was my crime? It was you whom had done this you stripped me of my worth you took away my life now what is left of me? But this shade of someone else

Rose Heart Her blossoms await beneath the plain of ice pulsing in a splash of passion's crimson. A beating heart in the snowy caves where time passes eternal in stillness she waits. For a lover's kiss she patiently endures until she may bloom again in beauty new awakened.

Thank you arg, hehe I will go correct that

Gypsy Dancing in the shadows with fires burning bright within dark pools of watching eyes entranced

Thank you

Dew Drop A tear drop falling soft among flower petals; a dew drop Dawn's lingering kiss caught among the cobwebs erasing old memories to rejoin with the reflecting pool shimmering with the heavens above winking in the stars great infinity weeping to bring the new fallen rains a single tear becomes many singing softly their songs among the sweet flowers petals breathing with life fallen fresh drop of new morning dew.

Hehe well you already know my thoughts on the revisied version, but even so I will say it again. Good job, love how it turned out.

I can see where there might be some confussion with the introduction of the we, so I will try to explain the reasononing behind it. Basicaly it is saying that everyone is susptiable to feeling a desire or a passion, a yearning, just as Prometheus felt the desire to give the gift of fire to man out of his pity for them, and in doing so he had to make a sacrifice, becasue he was ultimately punished for it. So the speaker within the poem, is simply saying that on some level or another, everyone, makes some sacrifice for something which they love, for thier own desire that burns within them. That is what is ment by the lines

I can see where it might be read as a poem on its own, but it is intended to be a part of the rest of the poem.

Primal fires burn And I saw for a moment the eyes of Prometheus, they watched me in a haze of smoke and then my heart broke. They would chain you for your mortal passion we all must give in to.

Wow, what a clever idea, and very well done. The imagery was very vivid, and such great language used. I really enjoyed reading this.

The Soul Sound What happens when your face becomes lost within the rain and a voice no longer carries any weight, there were ghosts once who spoke in my ear, but now I no longer hear. What happens when the soul struggles to expose the thoughts we all own, while our breath is stolen and only the silence remains? It is the curse that comes with a gift for its favor there is always a struggle but so fickle it can leave.

Thank you very much for your suggestions and coments. I agree that there are areas of the poem that could use with more expanding and deatil, and that the way it currently is, comes off as more of an outline for the idea. I do wish to bring more to it, and I will keep in mind your advice for this one.

I really liked this, such sweet sentiment. I think we can all relate to this, that moment when we realize things are not the way we had once thought they were, when the world does not seem quite as big, and we have that bittersweet moment of knowing something is lost. Very well done.

This is a poem I first wrote as part of a challenge and just sort of spun it off the top of my head, but I like the overall concept and structure of it, but think it could do with some polishing off, as well as I think I might want to add more. Any suggestions, coments, critique, critizism, welcome, that I can consider and ponder in the re-writing process. As I sit here surrounded by marble cool stone hard beneath me I reflect back... I wonder, are you out there. somewhere thinking of me? There were sweet days in winter snow and we stood hand in hand and watched the water pass, but those days have long past I was taken away away from you so now while I wait for my train to roll in I wonder, think to myself are you laying there somewhere thinking of me?

Nicely, down I really liked this, great rythem and flow, loved what you did with the rhyme

Thank you very much

I really liked this. The imagery was so vivid, and some great use of langauge here

Skywater So this world has come to an end it was seen in those black eyes of obsidian. A pulse on the vein of the earth, skywater above no longer the celestial pure. Tears of pitch rain down upon the twisted landscape, it staggers in slow movements of tar-bit waters. Eyes rolled up to the heavens on fire, seen in crimson red clouds and the air of brimstone. But no gods can duly be credited for this, it is the sludge we have been working toward. Rough hewn hands carved out this path, laving behind their calloused trail. But there are those that have always known, felt within their broken souls. A truth that must be spirit-known, where the rocks turn in the shade and bake with the sun. Only to spark the first and final blaze, to cry out to the rains that have long gave their final bleeding, this is the reaping.